


Son of a Preacher Man

by Littlemistake



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A magic dick will only take you so far - you need purpose too, At some stage Ben Solo will hold a little baby chick in his big meaty hands, Because how can you have smut if Ben Solo doesn't eat her out - its not possible, Ben likes the "farm" very much., Brief mention postnatal depression (not major characters), Cunnilingus, F/M, HEA - I swear remember dramatic but not angsty, Hand Jobs, I can't believe I forgot to tag Cunnilingus the first time I posted, If the Falcon's a rocking don't come a knocking, Loss of Virginity, Mirror Sex, Not angsty but dramatic, Porn Magazines, Potato Salad as social commentary - I am that deep., Resolved Sexual Tension, Set in the late 1960's, SwoloFic, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Women's Rights, Yes - Han Solo is the Preacher Man, Yes - THAT Han Solo, deep south, sexual awakening, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 01:07:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 77,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19937509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlemistake/pseuds/Littlemistake
Summary: In 1969, Pastor Han Solo and his son Ben arrive in a small town in the deep south. Rey is immediately drawn to Ben, but she soon senses that all is not what it seems when it comes to Ben and his father. What is the secret they are keeping, and will it tear Rey's world apart?





	1. Today I met the boy I’m gonna marry

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic inspired by one of my favourite songs of all time “Son of a Preacher Man” by Dusty Springfield. I have reminded myself how evocative the music of the era is during the writing of this story, and I have created a playlist with the music that features in it. You can find it here [Little Mistake’s Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ODYgdTweGk8Z6TCAuxvLK?si=3RGKDZ2STVuMk1igeX7uog). I will be adding more songs as I add more chapters.
> 
> I know there are many stories that could be told around that time, including the civil rights movement. I won’t be touching on that - it is too important for someone without the lived experience and understanding to try to include those elements in this story. 
> 
> I’m also Australian and have not been to the Deep South (though I would like to) but I could not uncouple the song and the place in my mind.
> 
> Ben and Rey’s story is centred around sexual awakening (yay!) and the place, choice and agency of women during the late 1960’s. I have tried to be as historically accurate and sensitive as I can, but invariably there will be errors, but hopefully not great big glaring offensive ones. 
> 
> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife). Check out her work, she does a great Clyde I tell ya. She is also my fandom wife so that works out just dandy. Check out her new To Catch a Ghost fic, it's a blast. Plus she is making a fic for my “useful men around the house with retractable tape measures” kink with Fixer Upper.
> 
> Thank you to [Semperfidani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semperfidani/pseuds/Semperfidani) for my lovely moodboard. It’s beautiful and she has some great fics herself too and so check it out. I really love “Because the Night”, it's very emotional (like very) but with a lovely sweet ending.
> 
> Thank you to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) who has really encouraged me to stretch my boundaries with this one in terms of themes and storyline. She is such a creative support and you should really check out her powerhouse fic Hiraeth - I strongly suggest you check out the tags first because it is not for the faint of heart.
> 
> Last but not least, thank you to [Spacey_Gracie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacey_gracie/pseuds/spacey_gracie) who helped me to capture of the mood of the times. She has another fic set in the 1960’s called “We are Star Dust, We are Golden” that you should check out and also a historical one called “Dreamland.” Plus a sexy older Rey, younger Ben which I stan in “Hot for Teacher”.
> 
> I have MORE thank yous now.
> 
> Thank you to 3todream3 and nancylovesreylo who both helped me so much with writing about the Deep South and being a Southern Baptist. I was struggling and they both came to my rescue.
> 
> 3todream3 has some of the hottest fics out - check out The Problem which has a similar theme to this one, and Nancy who is one of the biggest Reylo writer supporters with the Reylo Fan Fic Book and all the other work she does to keep the writers going.

_Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry_

_The boy whose life and dreams and love I want to share_

_The boy whose on my hand a band of gold will bear_

_The band of gold I always dreamed I'd wear_

Performed by Darlene Love

Songwriters Ellie Greenwich, Phil Spector and Tony Powers

Rey followed Bazine and Mamma Vestara up the front steps of the Southern Baptist Church. Although only nine-thirty in the morning, in late July the long, hot, tropical Georgian summer had brought with it a humidity that clung to her like a thick woolen blanket.

Her simple cotton dress would be mercifully cool in the oppressive heat of the church. She was fortunate, really, she told herself. The drab brown and olive striped shirt waister was not as fashionable or as pretty as the modern, bright polyester dresses many of the girls her age were wearing for the morning service, but it did allow her skin to breathe a little easier. The gloves, however, were another matter, trapping the heat underneath her skin, making her palms damp and clammy.

She knew Bazine was feeling pretty in her new powder blue frock, with a shirred yoke and a smart blue rope belt. Her gloves were whiter and newer than Rey’s, purchased at the beginning of the season, with her older, greyer ones passed down to her adopted sister.

Bazine had set her hair in curlers the night before, or rather had Rey set her hair for her - and then slept in a most uncomfortable fashion with them in place. But it was all for nothing really, by the time the third song of the service had come about, it would be hanging down in damp tendrils that clung to her neck. 

While Rey was disappointed that her curl setting handiwork wouldn’t last the service, at the same time she held the time it look to roll them in dearly. It was just her and Bazine, just like old times, giggles and gossip and silliness. Before boys, or rather, before men came on the scene.

Rey’s hair, in contrast, was swept up in a ponytail with a bow, comfort ruling over style. If she had her way, she would cut it short, but Mamma would not approve of such vanity. Except that it wasn’t vanity. It was mere practicality as far as she was concerned.

Her skin, lightly dusted with freckles, was tanned, and brought out the gold flecks within her hazel eyes. It also announced her station as a young lady who had many outside chores on the farm to attend to. Unlike Bazine, whose skin remained alabaster from doing mainly indoor activities such as bible studies and sewing.

Mamma Vestara was long used to the heat. She refused to attend the service in anything less than a belted shift dress with a long overcoat. Her ear length blonde bob was set with at least half a can of Cedel, as if daring the humidity to penetrate the shield she had created.

The ceiling fans did little to relieve the stifling atmosphere. It reminded Rey of moving a spoon through thick molasses. 

“Did you see Phasma’s ring?” Bazine exclaimed, clutching Rey’s arm. ‘It’s twice as big as Barbara’s. She’s so lucky.” 

Rey nodded, she had noticed too. A twinge of jealousy and apprehension followed, she knew she would never be given a ring like that. She also dreaded the way Phasma would lord it over everyone, especially her. She already felt insignificant as it was. 

She was not fortunate enough to be invited to any of the weddings that had begun to be held more frequently for girls the same age as her, but lack of an invitation certainly was not enough to stop these girls from discussing the details in her presence. Afterwards, Bazine would return home from the nuptials and she too would spill all the details - what the bride wore, what was served for dinner, how happy the couple looked, how ugly the bridesmaid dresses were and how proud both sets of parents appeared to be about the match.

She did not expect to have a fancy wedding. Mamma was very generous with her, but not _that_ generous.

The inside of the church was arranged in two rows of five pews each that faced the organ and pulpit. The interior was decked out with white timber beams, and the varnished timber floors echoed the sound of heels against wood, adding to the dull scrape of the pews as they were jostled by parishoners taking their place.

“This way,” bustled Mamma, looking for the choicest position. Her eyes had already scanned and locked on their intended spot. “Hurry up, we don’t want to have to sit too far back,” she hissed impatiently.

There was an extra excitement in the air that morning, for the new Pastor was to hold the service for the first time. Rey had not seen him, or his son as of yet, but she had certainly heard all about them. 

The details on which town they had resided in were hazy at best, but given the town had struggled for some time to find a suitable man to lead the congregation, such information was deemed irrelevant and of no consequence.

What was of consequence however was that the the new Pastor was indeed a charming fellow, with a quick grin and a twinkle in his eye. As he took to the pulpit, Rey had to agree, there was a definite charisma about him. 

She craned her head around to look for his son. She wasn’t that interested in boys, that was more Bazine’s scene, but she was curious all the same.

“Can you see him?” Whispered Bazine.

“No,” Rey shook her head, knowing who she was referring to.

Pastor began with the call to prayer, the origin of his languid drawl was difficult to pinpoint, she mused. She bent her head thoughtfully, being sure to be thankful for the blessed life she led, and for the generosity of Mamma in adopting her ten years earlier. If it wasn’t for Mamma, she sure didn’t know where she would be, because unadopted at eight years of age meant Rey was destined to live out her childhood years under state care.

Prayer time was over, and Pastor lead the congregation into the hymns with what could only be described as a flourish. Rey smiled a little, he was sure to be entertaining, if not a little out of the ordinary.

_Set my soul afire Lord, for Thy Holy Word,_

_Burn it deep within me, let Thy voice be heard_

_Millions grope in darkness in this day and hour,_

_I will be a witness, fill me with Thy power_

As she sang, she suddenly stilled. There was another voice within the congregation that morning, unfamiliar but of a rich timbre. She closed her eyes for a moment, lost in its lyrical sound. There was something else that stirred within her - a new sensation that was quite unfamiliar. It was like a low flame that slowly curled around her belly, she supposed it was in reaction to the content of the song - but she didn’t think her soul lived in her stomach.

She opened her eyes to locate the owner of the voice, and looking over to the far right she could see a pair of incredibly broad shoulders in a grey suit. The singer was tall, too, and she wasn’t quite sure how she missed him the first time.

His hair was a little longer than was acceptable for these parts, but it was thick, glossy and looked awfully soft - much softer than was fair for a man. She wondered what it would be like to touch it.

She quickly shook her head to rid herself of such thoughts. She was in church after all.

Through the next two songs she was still unable to rid herself of the fixation on the man’s voice, or the need to stare at the back of his head.

Breaking her focus on the man in front, she turned her attention to the sermon. Today, the Pastor was discussing yearning, how the yearning to be connected to God lives and breathes in everyone of them. Like a heartbeat. 

Rey agreed, she felt that longing, like something was missing in her - missing that connection. She vowed to try harder to find that connection, to fill in the missing piece. She supposed it would be in the form of a husband, once it was her time - after Bazine was married of course.

He spoke about the concept for some time, quoting scriptures and passages to support his assertions. Then, having finished his sermon, he went on to the news of the week.

“Well,” he said. “I must say it has been a most fortunate circumstance that has brought me here, into the heart of a town filled with upstanding, God fearing folk. You have made both I and my son, Ben, feel so welcome.”

He smiled, looking down to his left at the owner of the beautiful voice. 

_That must be his son,_ Rey thought.

“I see we have good news in the congregation today,” Pastor peered down at his notes. “I am delighted to announce that Mr. and Mrs. Anidala have welcomed twin boys into the world, to join their sister, Nancy.”

Rey smiled, Linda Anidala had been a good friend to her in high school, and - at a few years older than Rey - had also been a fierce protector of her in the school yard. When Linda left school to marry Robert, Rey sorely missed her and her friendship. The arrival of twins was lovely news, Rey thought. Linda was certainly blessed.

Pastor continued for a little while longer, by now the heat was almost unbearable, as eighty warm bodies heated the small church. She thought the river would be especially wonderful that day, and she would allow the water to run over her feet to help her cool down.

Rey felt guilty for wishing the service would finish.

Once the service was done, Mamma hurried both girls out onto the front steps to be one of the first to greet the new Pastor and his son.

Rey watched the parishioners gather, spilling out onto the footpath at the foot of the steps. They reminded her of the chickens she tended to on the farm, for there was a definite social pecking order and from the top hen down through to the weakest chick.

Every flock member had their place.

Social order was maintained through pecking - so the top hen, such as Phasma, could peck everyone, the second hen, like Barbara, could peck everyone except Phasma and so on until all the way down to the very last hen who could be pecked by all but could not peck back. 

Such as Rey.

Rey had seen what hens could do to a new addition to the flock - when the social order was disturbed and a new hen was killed in order to put her back in her place.

Rey was grateful that such things had not been her fate when she had first arrived.

Rey was still deep in thought as she felt a strong tug on her elbow as Mamma locked tyes on her target, elbowing the other parishioners out of the way to introduce herself and her daughters.

“Good morning, Pastor,” she said loudly. “I’m Mrs. Khai from Khai Farm, and this is my lovely daughter Bazine, and my adopted daughter Rey.”

The two girls shyly nodded at the Pastor. 

“That was indeed an inspired sermon today. We have been blessed to have you stationed at our little town,” she continued.

Pastor smiled. “It is I who have been blessed. Please allow me to introduce my son, Benjamin. Ben!” He called out, looking behind them.

The women turned to see who he was referring, too. Rey felt like she had been hit by a bolt of lightning as Ben came towards them. Rey had been able to ascertain that he was tall, broad, and possessed an unfairly beautiful head of hair already. 

But she wasn’t prepared for the strange beauty of his face.

He was magnetic, his long hair sweeping across his forehead, framing a pair of intense chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that were locked on her, making her feel uncomfortable, as if she was under a spotlight.

The rest of him was just as devastating, his strong nose and plush lips completing the picture. Rey thought to herself it was a mixture of masculinity and awkwardness - he smiled briefly, revealing slightly crooked teeth. His features were not what would be called classically handsome, but she felt like she could look at him forever. 

“Ladies,” he said with a nod. 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Solo.” Mamma nodded. “As are my daughters.”

Both Bazine and Rey smiled, Bazine’s a little wider and more confident. Rey was still dumbstruck with whatever it was she was feeling, so she had to force herself to be polite.

Mamma turned back to the Pastor, and smiled again. 

“Please allow me to welcome you to the town in a proper fashion. Won’t you and your son join us for tea next Saturday afternoon?” She was eager to one of the first women to be able to extend her hospitality to the new arrivals.

“Why, Mrs. Khai, it would be our pleasure,” Pastor grinned.


	2. Now I'm a believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for tea at the farm, and a walk down to the river leads to an interesting discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have loved getting the love and interest for this fic.
> 
> This one is dear to my heart so thank you for sharing in this with me!

_I thought love was only true in fairy tales_  
_Meant for someone else but not for me_

Performed by The Monkees  
Songwriter Neil Diamond

Mamma was holding court the next Saturday on the front porch. She was delighted with the arrival of the Pastor and his son, and smiled and fanned herself as she sipped her iced tea and made idle chat. 

From the moment Pastor and his son arrived in the Pastor’s 1967 Ford Falcon sports coupe, Mamma had been enraptured by the elder Solo. Pastor Han seemed to take up rather a large part of her gaze, and it appeared that he was amenable to having his attention monopolised in such a manner.

It was curious, Rey thought. Because it very much looked like flirting. But Pastor Han should be above such things. Although, it was common knowledge in the town that Mrs. Solo was in heaven, looking down on her husband and son. But still….

She shook such thoughts from her mind, it wouldn’t do to examine the motivations of such an esteemed leader.

The Khai Farm, while small in comparison to other farms in the area, was filled with character and charm. Rey loved it there - it was her home. Green fields rolled as far as the eye could see, bordered by majestic oak trees, with leaves that rippled in the afternoon breeze. The lush lawn that surrounded the main house was often dotted with the occasional rogue hen, but Rey didn’t have to worry so much about them. She enjoyed their gentle clucking.

Roosters were another matter altogether, they could not be left out to roam, not if the farm wanted eggs to sell - not more chickens.

The homestead itself was built in 1870, painted white and framed by wooden lattice work that had fascinated Rey when she had first arrived. She and Bazine would lie on the front porch together, and Rey’s eyes would trace the patterns as they gently rocked in the swing. Rey thought it was the most beautiful house she had ever seen - a far cry from the bleak grey walls of the orphanage.

It was beautiful, but also hard work. Much of it was still in original condition, save for the odd modern conveniences like electricity, plumbing and the telephone - but the history still remained in the open fireplaces positioned in every room, and the kitchen that was located separate from the main house - in case of fire. The irony was not lost on Rey, as it was something she certainly dwelled on in the winter months when she needed to clean each one on a daily basis.

It was one of the many reasons Rey loved the summer.

As picturesque as it was, farm life itself was tough, nevertheless. 

None knew it more than the Khais. 

The family that had rescued Rey from the orphanage years before was not the family she had today - a tractor accident had taken Bazine’s father not long after Rey was adopted by the family. Bazine had been the one to find her father, bloody and mangled. The memory of her discovery lingered with her still, Rey knew because Bazine still shuddered whenever she saw one, which in a farming community was often. 

It changed Mamma too, the happy, albeit tough, woman disappeared overnight, replaced by one consumed by loneliness, bitterness and regret - and with a singular focus on her daughter and the future of the farm. Her once blonde hair turned grey, her kind blue eyes turned hard - lined by grief and weary from the burden of managing the farm in her husband's absence. With the help of Mr. Canady, the Farm Manager, of course.

Mamma still remained sturdy in stature, but her shoulders were a little more rounded in an enduring slump.

Rey wasn’t sure if her mother’s attention was a good thing for Bazine or not - Bazine certainly didn’t think it was. Bazine confessed to Rey many times how stifled and  _ bored _ she was by life on the farm. As much as she was born and raised there, the farm life was not in her blood - but the burden of finding a suitable husband who would continue to manage the farm in lieu of a son was hers to bear. Really, she would much rather travel and explore the world. 

The small town life of rural Georgia was far too dull for Bazine.

Sometimes Rey heard Mamma mutter that she wished she had adopted a boy instead of a girl. That things would be simple and difficult decisions would not have not to be made. Rey was unsure what that meant, but it sounded ominous all the same.

Rey had to endure the discomfort of knowing that she was the wrong choice, and Bazine had to endure the boredom of waiting for what she did not want to happen - and a life in a holding pattern until a man claimed her and the farm and gave her purpose. 

For the one Bazine loved would never be good enough to become a son-in-law.

Bazine rocked slowly on the porch swing, clearly bored with such genteel pursuits. Rey knew her mind wandered down to the orchard, where Poe was bound to be plucking the best peaches from the trees to offer as a gift to the lucky Bazine. After which, sweet nothings and tender touches would be all that was needed to have Bazine unravel beneath him, all heaving breasts and naked below the waist. Her lips swollen from his kisses, lips parted. 

Rey knew of this of course, because Bazine was fond of sharing such details with her. Of how it felt, what Poe looked like, what he tasted like. Where she felt it. To Rey’s surprise, she learned that kisses were not just for mouths, either. Bazine’s eyes would be wide and expressive in excitement as she described the deliciousness of her interludes with Poe.

Rey wondered what it would be like to be possessed in such a manner, to give herself so freely to another person, and to be met with equal passion. It didn’t sound at all like the perfunctory talk she had received from Mamma about keeping oneself pure could at  _ all _ be responsible for the lust fuelled stolen moments Bazine had with Poe. 

Or for that matter, when a preening Rooster insisted on mounting an unwilling hen. She had seen that more times than she cared to admit. In her mind sex was somewhere in between those three realms, so in the end it was really too much to contemplate.

But as she listened to Bazine, she had to admit that behind her appropriately scandalised response, there also existed a longing as well. To belong to another, and have them belong only to her. To be connected and welded to that person. Within the confines of marriage, submitting to her husband as willingly as the church submits to the headship of Christ, as she had always been taught. There was no higher order for a woman than to be a wife, mother and homemaker.

Of course, technically right now she belonged to Bazine, plucked from the orphanage as a playmate for an only child - until a tractor changed everything. 

But it wasn’t the same, and as Bazine grew older, she outgrew her need for Rey as her only companion. She still loved her as a sister, but it was not enough any more. Six months earlier Poe had caught Bazine’s attention, and since then her life had revolved around secret rendezvous, and Rey’s main purpose was either to cover for Bazine, or bear witness to the salacious details.

Sometimes the stories left Rey bothered and uncomfortable in a way she didn’t quite understand. There was a need for something else, something Rey was not able to put her finger on. On those nights, she tossed and turned, unable to relax into sleep, while Bazine snored softly in the bed across from her. In the morning, it seemed as if her fitful slumber had left her prickly and short tempered. 

It seemed that Bazine had had enough of mild banter and the flirtations of her mother, suddenly rising to her feet and grabbing Rey by the hand. 

“I think now would be an excellent time to show young Mr. Solo around the farm, don’t you?” She said sweetly, and only Rey could recognise the glint in her eye. She knew that Bazine meant to sneak off to see Poe as soon as she was able, which would leave Rey alone with Ben.

She wasn’t sure of how she felt about it, but she also knew she could not refuse. As always she was the cover for Bazine, and if she didn’t go then Bazine couldn’t go either. 

Ben had also been looking out into the distance, turning as he heard his name mentioned. He raised an eyebrow quizzically.

Rey shuffled nervously, looking at the weathered wood of the porch. Bazine’s hand gripped tighter as she sensed Rey’s apprehension, giving it a tiny tug at the same time.

Dread filled her, but she forced herself to comply. “Of course,” Rey said, smiling weakly. “Won’t you please join us, Mr. Solo?” 

She couldn’t look at him, for fear her trepidation would show on her face, although she knew her cheeks were already flushed with embarrassment. 

Mamma had warned her of the dangers of being around boys unchaperoned, she was not sure of what to expect. He was so tall and broad, if he so desired, he could take what he wanted and she would be unable to stop him.

The thought made her blush a little deeper, a low fire burning in the pit of her stomach.

She reminded herself he was the Pastor’s son, and embodied all the character and principles of his father. So, she had no reason to feel nervous or afraid, not really.

Bazine’s grip relaxed, and her face beamed as she realised her victory.

“Let’s go,” she said, pulling Rey’s arm as she skipped down the porch steps. She turned abruptly as she realised that the younger Solo was not following them. “Mr. Solo?” She said pointedly.

Ben looked at his father, as if asking for permission. Rey found it odd, given she did not know the ways of such family life, but then decided perhaps it was normal for a man of Ben’s age to still defer to his father when deciding to accept an invitation for a walk. 

Children must always honour and obey their parents, even when they dwarf them in stature, Rey supposed.

His father nodded, his head cocked slightly away from Mamma and out of sight from Bazine, who had turned her attention back to the orchard. Rey’s brow furrowed as she was sure she saw him give a slight wink to his son. It was such an odd gesture, and one she was sure she was not meant to see.

Ben stood, raking his hand through his thick hair. Rey’s stomach took another unexpected twist.

He joined them at the foot of the porch stairs, his hands deep in his pockets and his shoulders slightly hunched. His hair flopped into his eyes, and once again it occurred to Rey that it was quite long for the son of a Southern Baptist minister. 

It appeared to Rey as if he didn’t want to join them on a tour of the orchard and farmhouse grounds. She was slightly vexed by his demeanor, it was entirely logical that she would be nervous as a young woman about to find herself alone with a man she barely knew, but it was another thing for him to be reticent to want to spend time in her company. Not that he knew that they would soon be alone together.

If Bazine was aware that she was the only truly willing member of their party, she did not let on, breaking into a swift gait as they made their way down the path that joined the main road weaving its way through the farm. Rey kept up as much as she could, being dragged by the hand by her excitable sister. Ben had no such issue meeting her speed, his long strides easily keeping pace with the two girls.

Bazine let go of Rey’s hand to unlatch the gate of the white picket fence that surrounded the farm house. She whistled softly, clearly in a good mood. Rey wondered exactly how what Bazine and Poe did together could be that good - that even the anticipation of it was enough to make her so happy. Rey sighed, as she was sure to get a blow by blow account later in any case.

Her sigh did not go unnoticed, Ben swiveling his head in her direction. She felt his gaze bore into her, and she could feel a hot prickle spread through her face and chest. She lifted her head just for a moment to meet his eyes, catching his considered look. Uncomfortable, but not entirely sure why, she quickly averted her gaze, feeling the hot prickle intensify.

She brushed past him to get through the gate, her breath hitching as she felt the hardness of his chest against her shoulder. Panic began to set in at the thought of being alone with him, there was something else about him that had her nervous. She didn’t understand her reactions at all, and the image of his full lips on hers kept swirling through her mind. To her concern, in her minds eye she didn’t push him away or act demure, instead she imagined herself returning the kiss, running her fingers through his hair and caressing his broad shoulders.

It was hardly a biblical standard for such expression. Or a farmyard one, for that matter.

She could feel the hot prickle of her blush head south toward her belly again, an unfamiliar tension coursing within her. 

Ben quickly stepped back, flinching as if she was a live electrical current. Rey set her lips into a thin line, it would seem her fears of being plundered by the preacher’s son were unfounded - as he could barely stand a mere brush from her.

She supposed she should take comfort in that, but she found herself oddly disappointed.

Bazine slyly smiled at Ben as she lead the way towards the orchard, passing the caretakers cottage along the way. A small, three bedroom home with a lounge room, bathroom and kitchen on the ground floor, and three bedrooms upstairs with a small sitting room that the bedrooms flanked from.

“So, Mr. Solo, over here we have the caretaker’s house, it’s empty at present. Mr. Canady already has a home in town, so he has no need for it, which is a shame. It’s really very cozy - too cozy to have vacant.” Bazine’s eyes glittered as she spoke. 

Ben’s attention was suddenly fully ensconced in the cottage, as he spun on his heel to change course. He went straight to the window next to the front door to try and peer inside. It occured to Rey that it was awfully strange for him to be so interested in what was, in essence, a relatively nondescript building. 

“Just how old are you, Mr. Solo, if you don’t mind me asking?” Bazine asked - Rey cringing beside her. Bazine had little regard for propriety at times.

“Twenty-five,” he replied absentmindedly as he moved around to the side of the building, assessing the driveway that ran along the back to the large garage that was also for the caretaker’s use. It was also empty.

Bazine was dismayed as their walk was hijacked by Ben’s interest in farm architecture, rather than progressing down to the orchard where she was due to meet Poe. She pouted a little, and then seemed to decide to cut her losses. 

“I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Solo, but I have just recalled some urgent business I must attend to down at the stables. Perhaps Rey could continue the tour?” She suggested, but did not wait for his answer as she immediately took her leave before her idea could be rejected.

His eyes widened as watched Bazine beat a hasty retreat, taking in the news that he was about to be in the presence of an unchaperoned young lady. 

One that he wasn’t that keen on, Rey reminded herself with a grimace.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Perhaps we could finish looking at the cottage and then head back to the main house?” He said. It was the first time he had ever addressed her directly, save for their introduction earlier after church.

Rey regretfully shook her head.

“That would be my preference too, but if we returned without Bazine…,” She was a loss to explain why she couldn’t go back to the house again, without revealing Bazine’s secret. She was also highly uncomfortable, and she was concerned that he would think ill of her as well.

What Bazine did was Bazine’s business - Rey had sometimes wondered what she would have done in such circumstances, if she had fallen in love with a man that would never meet the approval of Mamma. But her wonderings never went particularly far, as there were not many suitable candidates around to enable such an exploration to occur. But she knew that an upstanding man like Benjamin Solo would think very poorly of such behavior, and she was finding herself strangely eager to impress him.

Her unfinished sentence hung in the air between them, his head tilted to one side as he considered what it must mean.

Mercifully, he seemed to allow it to remain unresolved. 

“In that case, then perhaps we should…?” He asked.

She panicked momentarily, she didn’t want him to think she was angling for his company - especially not alone. “Mr. Solo, you could certainly return to the house. But I will remain out on the grounds a little longer.”

He cleared his throat again. “I was going to suggest that you show me the river. If that was something you would like to do.”

She considered his request. She couldn’t go back to the house, but she also knew that Mamma would be furious if she found out.

At the same time, there was a magnetic presence about him, an energy that she was curious to investigate a little further. She didn’t really want to part ways with him, not quite yet.

“Of course, the river is one of my favourite places, let me show you the way. The quickest way is down past the garage and through that patch of woods.” She realised that she had spoken without considering her words carefully. 

Ben’s eyebrows raised at her suggestion. “The river is just down there? Through the woods?” He asked.

Rey shifted uncomfortably where she stood, she didn’t really want to take him through that way. It was entirely isolated and hidden from view of the house and the main drive. At the same time, walking alone with him in the open air was also going to pose questions. She supposed that if they were seen that she could explain that Bazine had only stepped away for the moment and that everything was quite proper.

Quite.

“Let’s take the long way around, however - I wouldn’t want that pretty dress to get snagged on a branch,” Ben suggested. “But let me finish looking around the cottage first.”

She was a little perplexed. Her simple green dress was hardly pretty.

But she was relieved that he had not pressed her to go into the woods with him, and she waited patiently until he had completed his inspection. Once finished, he stood next to her for her to show him to the river. 

“It’s this way,” she said simply. They began to walk in silence, the sound of pebbles crunching underfoot highlighting just how quiet the two of them were at that moment. Rey desperately wanted to talk with him, but she was at a loss as to what they should discuss.

“How are you finding the parsonage in town?” She asked. It wasn’t sparkling conversation, but it was  _ something _ .

“It is comfortable enough, I suppose. But being in the centre of town as it is, my father and I are finding it rather noisy and, well, there is quite a lack of privacy. The parsonage at our last town was a little more out of the way, and we found that suited us quite well.” He replied.

“Oh?” She replied. “If your accommodations were so suitable, then why did you leave?” She was genuinely curious.

She thought it was an innocent enough question, but she was taken back when a shadow crossed his face. “The old man felt it was time for us to move on. To find a new flock to tend to. So here we are.”

“Do you move often?” Rey asked. She thought that it was customary for a Pastor to stay for a long period of time, to really become part of the soul and fabric of the parish. She also thought it was rather disrespectful for Ben to refer to his father as “the old man.” 

She could imagine the punishment she would receive from Mamma if she referred to her as “the old lady.”

“More often than you might think,” he replied cryptically, but to her disappointment he didn’t elaborate further, and she felt it would be impolite to pry.

By this time they had reached the fork in the road that lead down to the river. The riverbank was her favourite place in the entire world. On particularly hot days the farmhands could be found down here using it as a swimming hole. Of course, on  _ those _ days it immediately became off limits.

Rey couldn’t swim, but it didn’t matter. It was still her sanctuary, and the place she came when things were a little too intense in the main house, or when she was just lonely. The sound of the slow moving current always soothed her.

They threaded their way through the river birch trees, which provided a welcome canopy against the mid afternoon sun, which threw a dappled light across the bank of the river. Ben walked beside her, moving the lower hanging branches out of her path as they made their way down to the water. 

She closed her eyes, forgetting for the moment that she was in the presence of company, drinking in the smell of the grass and the gentle sound of the breeze as it moved through the trees. The river, as always, moved slowly but steadily, its depths remaining hidden from view by the soft current.

She suddenly broke her revervie as she remembered that she was not alone.

She shot a quick glance in Ben’s direction, her heart flipping in her chest as she realised he was looking directly at her. His stare took her breath away, for he was looking at her as if she was the most fascinating woman he had ever seen.

She didn’t think anyone had ever looked at her like that before. Sure, there was the odd raised eyebrow from a farm hand as she passed, or an open mouthed gape from a boy when she was at school. But this was something different, it was as if he saw right into her. 

Blushing, she broke the moment by averting her gaze, trying to return her breath and pulse back to its former state.

“So, this is the river,” she said lamely. “And that is the dock.” She pointed to the old dock, the small wooden boat tethered to it rocking gently in the current, every now and then bumping up to its mooring.

“It’s a lovely spot, I can see why you like it so much,” he replied. He walked down to the dock to take a closer look.

She wished that she had not exposed such an intimate detail about herself. She had never shared how deeply personal this place was for her, and she wasn’t sure why she had done so with him.

With the boys at school, she had been confident enough. She knew how to rebuff their teasing and silly childish games. She had been at the orphanage until she was eight, and there was no way that she would have been able to survive with her sanity intact if she had not quickly learned the ways to handle the opposite sex in terms of unwanted physical and verbal attention.

She had kept herself in good stead thus far, and she was at a loss to understand why she could not handle herself around him. 

They both stood in awkward silence, neither knowing quite how to progress from there.

“We should be getting back, has this been long enough to have stayed away?” He asked.

She checked her watch, nodding in agreement.

“Yes, it is,” she confirmed.

“Thank you, Miss Rey, for sharing this place with me. And for the walk.” He said.

She could only smile shyly in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, so many interesting "not quite reveals" in this chapter. 
> 
> What does it all mean?
> 
> Kudos and comments feed me!


	3. You give me fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A most fortunate outcome for a most unfortunate event will bring Ben and Rey into close proximity. Very close.

_ Everybody's got the fever _

_ That is somethin' you all know _

_ Fever isn't such a new thing _

_ Fever started long time ago _

Performed By Peggy Lee

Songwriters  Eddie Cooley and Otis Blackwell

The next time she saw Ben at the house, it was under far more dramatic circumstances. Of course, he was there at both the Sunday services and Fellowship Dinner on Wednesdays, but at those he seemed to avoid her as if she were infected with the plague. 

The Solo men had been in town for only a few weeks when the fire happened.

It was fortunate that both men had escaped the blaze at the parsonage without injury, especially because it had taken possession of it so quickly. There was not much left but for the charred remains of the chimney and the timber frame. 

All in all, it was one of God’s miracles, the townspeople decided.

It was also incredibly lucky that both men had also not had the opportunity to move their belongings from the garage to the house. So really, all that was lost was that which belonged to the church, rather than their personal effects.

Yes, it was proclaimed as a most fortunate outcome for a most unfortunate event.

It was the evening after the fire, that found Rey peering through the crack in the sitting room door. Pastor Han had arrived unannounced that evening, along with his son. Mamma had immediately set Rey to work preparing tea and biscuits for their guests. 

It was mortifying to her, as the tea cup rattled in its saucer as she served it to Ben. He had looked at her with soft, kind eyes in that moment, causing her to blush. His fingers gently brushed hers as he took the tea cup from her, and she had to stifle a gasp. 

In comparison, Pastor Han had been a little less gracious, his usual charismatic demeanor diminishing somewhat as she turned to serve him. She felt uncomfortable as his eyes flitted between her and Ben. 

She couldn’t get out of there fast enough. 

Mr. Canady had also appeared as if from nowhere - it was highly unusual to see him at the farm this late into the evening. Rey did not like Mr. Canady. He treated her as if she didn’t exist, unless it was to bark an order or reprimand her for not doing something well enough.

Rey could see the Pastor and Ben sitting on the sofa, drinking their tea. Mamma was making a fuss of course, particularly over the elder Solo.

Rey’s eyes narrowed, as it seemed once again that the Pastor was lapping up the attention. Ben sat still, not speaking as the conversation buzzed around him.

“I’m so relieved that neither of you were injured - or killed!” Mamma exclaimed. “But how frightening for the both of you, you must be quite shaken.”

Pastor Han nodded in a serious manner. “Yes, it was indeed divine intervention that we were able to escape with our lives - and with more than just the clothing on our backs.” He then broke out into a charming smile. “I have always found though, and Mrs. Khai I am sure that you will agree, that the Lord works in mysterious ways. It is not for us to judge, but for us to follow the righteous path He has set for us.”

Rey watched Mamma look at the Pastor with unabashed admiration at just how brave and wise he was. Ben remained quiet and sullen, seemingly unmoved by his father’s profound words.

“You are a true man of God,” she gushed. “The town is fortunate to have such a strong spiritual leader to guide us.”

“Alas, Mrs. Khai,” Pastor continued, his voice sad and laced with regret. “If we are unable to find suitable lodgings soon, we may need to find a posting elsewhere.”

Rey watched as Ben moved his attention from the floor to his father, his face still unreadable.

“Oh my!” exclaimed Mamma . “But you only just arrived! The town  _ needs _ you.”

“If only…” Pastor Han’s voice trailed off.

“Yes?” asked Mamma, prodding the man to continue.

“If only we were able to find accommodation outside of town. Something private, to allow my son and I to do the Lord’s work,” Pastor Han continued.

‘You don’t wish to be in town?” Mamma asked. It was assumed that the Pastor and his son would want to remain in the thick of it, to tend to the flock more thoroughly and keep a watchful eye on the townsfolk.

“No,” Pastor Han replied with a shake of his head. “I have always found that the more peaceful and private our accommodations, the closer we are able to be to God.” 

Mamma considered his statement for a moment, then suddenly clapped her hands together. Ben jumped at the sharp crack it made, while the Pastor remained unperturbed.

Rey jumped too.

“Well then, I simply insist that you and your son reside in the caretaker’s cottage. It is currently vacant, and it certainly offers the privacy you require,” she said.

Mr. Canady - whose mouth was already set into a thin line - did not look at all impressed. Rey had seen that look many times bestowed upon a farm hand who had done the wrong thing, like gambling, drinking or goofing around. Receiving the look never turned out well for the receiver.

“Are you sure?” Pastor Han asked. Rey was certain that she detected the slightest smirk at the corner of his mouth. It was an odd expression for such a man, she thought.

“Yes! It is decided. Rey will ensure the cottage is kept clean and comfortable for you, and you will not want for a single thing.” Rey knew that determined look on Mamma’s face.

Rey also felt distinctly bothered by the idea of cleaning the cottage while Ben and his father were living there. To be changing the bedlinens where Ben had slept, to wash the clothing Ben had worn, and to scrub the bath where Ben had lain… naked. 

Her heart pounding in her chest, she blushed at the thought, even though no one was around to be aware of it. 

“Mrs. Khai, you are a treasure, to be sure. Could I inquire as to the matter of payment?” Pastor asked.

Mamma was quick to respond, “I wouldn’t  _ dream  _ of it, Pastor Han. You already give so much to the town.”

Pastor Han nodded his head in humble gratitude for her generosity. “You are a good woman. The Lord has seen it. But might I suggest that my son could be put to good use around the farm? He is very mechanically minded, and a hard worker, and as you can see - is of a strong, capable build. He would prove most useful.”

Rey could not remember a truer statement being made in her living memory. 

Her heart skipped yet another beat at the idea that not only would he be living in close proximity, but that she would also come into contact with him on a frequent basis.

Interestingly, Rey did not think it possible for Mr. Canady’s mouth to further disappear in disapproval, but it seemed it could. Why would he not want Ben to work for him? He was the Pastor’s son, and certain to be a good example for the other farm workers.

Ben cocked his eyebrow at his father’s suggestion. It was the only readable expression he had made throughout the conversation. Not that she  _ actually _ understood what it meant.

“It is settled. The Solo’s will move into the cottage, and the town will keep our new Pastor.” Mamma was awfully pleased that she had been able to provide such a clever solution to perplexing issue.

“Well, now Mrs. Khai, I shall have to discuss it with the deacons, but I am sure that they will have no hesitation,” Pastor Han gently rebuked her.

Mamma got immediately flustered at being caught out acting above her station. Mamma rarely got flustered, she could cut an impudent or lazy farm hand down to size with just a glare, but when it came to the town elders - she turned meek in an instant.

“I didn’t mean...,” she stammered.

“Of course you didn’t,” he replied graciously.

Rey took one last look at Ben, and then snuck back upstairs to her room. Bazine was lying on her stomach on her bed, writing in her diary. Rey assumed she was writing about Poe, what with all the doodled hearts and cute pictures.

Rey sank down into her own bed, trying to take in the news. Her head was swirling with it, and her heart pounded in her chest.

“Pastor and his son will be moving into the caretaker’s cottage,” she said out loud, not to anyone in particular.

“What?” Bazine said, suddenly sitting upright. “Here, on the farm?”

“Yes,” Rey replied, still staring out into nothing. “I am tasked with cleaning it.”

Bazine’s eyes opened wide at the news. “Ooohhh Rey, how exciting. You will have private access to the dreamiest man in all the county. With the exception of Poe, of course.”

“Bazine!” Rey was shocked by the insinuation. “How could you suggest such a thing? I would never!”

“Rey, I see the way you look at him… and the way he looks at you. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” She said pointedly.

Rey refused to discuss the matter any further, picking up her well worn copy of “Little Women” and starting to read to put an end to the conversation.

___________

There was a flurry of activity in the cottage to prepare it for its new inhabitants. Rey had arrived ready to work, wearing a pair of bone cigarette pants and a pastel pink polo to allow ease of movement, for it wouldn’t do to get one of her few shirt waisters covered in filth and muck. 

Indoor chores were the only time that Rey was permitted to wear pants. Even when she was out doing chores out in the farmyard, Mamma insisted that Bazine and Rey wear modest dresses - although Bazine’s were always a little fancier. When Rey was required to remove the chicken dust from the small chicken coop kept close to the house for their eggs, she still had to wear a dress, covered in a large coat that used to belong to Mr. Khai. 

It was hot, disgusting, filthy work. 

That day, a green and yellow kerchief completed her ensemble, to keep the dust away from her hair as it was only Thursday, and Saturday night hairwashing was a few days away yet.

As usual, Ben had continued to ignore her at Fellowship the night before. Even when he inadvertently sat next to her in the bible study circle, he still didn’t look at her. 

She noted, however, he did polish off an inordinate number of her devilled eggs.

He didn’t even so much as look at Bazine’s spam and pineapple kebabs.

Or touch Barbara’s baked ham with soda pop glaze.

Astoundingly, he barely even sniffed at Phasma’s meatloaf. Everyone always raved about her meatloaf - although it was always a little dry for Rey’s taste.

Mamma put Rey to work preparing Ben’s room, and even though he had never even set foot in it, it felt oddly intimate all the same.

She paid particular attention to making the bed, turning the mattress before she began, smoothing the quilted bedspread over and over again until not one wrinkle or tug existed in it. The bed itself was made of a dark heavy oak, from a tree felled near the river bank many years ago. It bore the wear of time, with tiny divots and chips taken from its carved finish, and she ran her hand over it, as if it would reveal its history.

She briefly wondered what history Ben might create there. Would he have a woman in his bed? Would he take a wife?

Jealousy and longing reared within her, so she quickly shoved the thought from her mind, taking out her sudden tension on the pillows.

She then imagined herself as his wife, lying underneath him, having him buried deep inside her. Claiming her as his own. The tension remained, but was joined by a pulse that coursed within her, culminated in intense pressure between her legs. 

It was almost unbearable, and she pressed her thighs together and gasped as it sent a bolt of delicious pleasure rocketing through her. She wondered how it might feel to place her hand on the spot where the tension seemed to be concentrated. 

Mamma, of course, had warned her against such things. It was sinful, and she was sure to burn in hell if she did.

Instead, she spent a long time vigorously fluffing and beating the pillows, so long in fact that Mamma came in to admonish her. Rey quickly dusted the chest of drawers and bedside tables that also furnished the room, the lavender scent of Spick n Span was pleasant and helped to dispel some of the mustiness.

Once the room was finished, she moved back into the kitchen to see what should be done next. Mamma pointed to the floors that were sorely in need of a wash and wax, before she moved to the sitting area to vacuum.

Rey groaned inwardly, of course she would be given the least pleasant jobs.

She quickly gave the floor in the kitchen a sweep before she set about giving it a good wash. As laborious as it was, she also found it oddly satisfying, to be able to channel all this new found energy into physical work. She filled the bucket with soapy warm water, then dispensed large amounts of it into the floor. She built up quite a tempo, and her hair began to fall out of her kerchief and cling damply to her nape as she wrung out the mop.

Once satisfied that the floor was spotless and completely dry, it was time to complete the wax. It was the least pleasant task - as it required her to be on her hands and knees to rub it in.

She positioned herself on the floor, placing an old towel underneath her knees so she didn’t stain her pants. She tipped the bottle into an old rag and set about buffing it into the hardwood floor. She silently cursed Mamma for not purchasing one of the exciting new dispensing systems.

She wasn’t aware of the heavy footsteps behind her, and in any case she would have assumed it was either Bazine or Mamma. She was lost in her task, on all fours sending all her tension and frustration into the floor, her body rocking in a steady rhythm as she rubbed.

The awkward clearing of his throat alerted her to Ben’s presence at the edge of the kitchen, as he stood in the halll, causing her to swivel her head around to look. She first took in his dark polished shoes that were scuffed with dirt, and his tailored pants that were streaked with dust from moving boxes. Her gaze quickly brushed up over his hips, and from the state of his shirt she could see he had been working hard in the midday heat. 

Her mouth ran dry as she drank in his muscular forearms revealed by his rolled up sleeves. Her eyes then travelled up to his chest and throat, and she omitted a soft mewl from deep in her throat as she noticed his collarbone, displayed by his loosened buttons. 

She didn’t think that there was enough housework on earth to help her exorcise how he made her feel. 

The sight of his body dusty from manual labour was one thing, but it was the fire that burned in his eyes as he looked down at her that really had her done for. It was similar to the look he had given her by the river as they had walked through the low hanging river birch trees, but there was something harder to it this time. Something more exciting. 

His eyes were fixated on her face, but every now and then would flicker down to her backside as it pointed at him, and just as soon move away, as if he had to catch himself looking somewhere he shouldn’t. 

Indeed, he should  _ not _ be looking at her like that.

A muscle twitched under his eye, and he rolled his mouth as he took her in. 

She must have looked a sight, she realised, hot and perspiring from her labour with her hair poking out from her kerchief. Certainly not a vision that should elicit such a gaze from him - he looked as if he wanted to…devour her. 

She twisted herself so that her bottom was back on the floor again, and away from his gaze.

Her action broke the moment between them, and he had the decency to look embarrassed as he understood the reason for her move. He suddenly couldn’t look at her, the kitchen window becoming his next target for fixation.

The moment was broken further when Bazine strolled into the kitchen. Rey looked at her in panic, waving her hands at her sister to stop her from travelling against the freshly waxed floor.

“No! The floor!” Rey cried.

Bazine overbalanced in an attempt to stop herself, and Ben quickly caught her before she fell. Jealousy consumed Rey again as Bazine rested against his strong chest, but she bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying anything. 

Bazine looked up at Ben through her lashes, clearly pleased to have been rescued in such a manner.

“Thank you, Mr. Solo,” she said breathlessly, then straightened herself up again. In truth, Rey knew that while Bazine thought that Ben was a bit of a dish - all the girls did - that really she only had eyes for Poe.

“I was just, ah, looking to see how long it would be before the place was ready for us to move in our belongings? Dad is waiting out in the car with everything packed,” Ben said awkwardly.

Bazine smiled. “It won’t be long. We trust you will be comfortable. Rey paid special attention to preparing your room, Mr. Solo,” her voice dripped with innuendo. 

Ben received the double meaning loud and clear, his ears turning a shade of bright red. Rey knew her cheeks were aflame too - as if she wasn’t enough of a frightful mess already.

“Please, call me Ben,” he mumbled.

Rey decided the only appropriate course of action was to leave immediately, forgetting herself that the floor was still slippery from the wax. As she fell, it was Ben’s turn to catch her. He lent over the floor, winding his arm around her to pull her to him - and to safety. The smell of him was intoxicating, soap, shampoo and something else that lingered underneath. She pressed her hands to his chest, her thumbs and index fingers brushing against his bare skin.

He was still slightly damp from his exertions, and it took every ounce of her self control not to caress him.

She met his gaze again, and longed to wind her arms around his neck and pull him to her for a kiss. His eyes were dark pools of molten chocolate, and were locked onto her mouth, thankfully Bazine was there to prevent her from doing just that. 

Chaperones were a blessing, Rey realised.

“Thank you,” she said, twisting out of his arms before she completely lost all sense of decency. “I will go and see if Mamma needs anything further done before you can unload.” 

She shifted around him, gingerly avoiding the kitchen floor behind her. Once clear of both obstacles, she fled to the safety of the sitting room, entirely eager to complete her chores and be done with whatever it was that was happening to her with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I'm so relieved those two made it out with their lives during that fire. 
> 
> Aren't you?
> 
> Loving the comments and the kudos, please keep them coming.


	4. Can't take my eyes off of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate conspires for Ben and Rey to become even closer this time, about as close as you can get with your clothes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so thrilled with the comments and readers letting me know how much they have enjoyed my story. I have poured so much into it.
> 
> I commissioned art from the sensational BoomDaFunk (@lizea77 on twitter). It just blew me away how much it captured the moment and how beautiful Ben looked. Also, I'm a card carrying member of the Thirst Order on the Den, and I simply had to have a picture of Ben in that green swimsuit. 
> 
> I HAD TO. 
> 
> Sorry, I digress. Please enjoy the latest instalment. Things are beginning to heat up a little more now.
> 
> Buckle up.

_Pardon the way that I stare_

_There's nothing else to compare_

_The sight of you leaves me weak_

_There are no words left to speak_

Performed by Frankie Valli

Songwriters: Bob Crewe / Robert Gaudio

Over the coming weeks, Rey came into contact with Ben much less than she had hoped. She caught a glimpse of him here and there, but generally he was down in the chicken barn or near where the farm equipment was stored. She had no purpose in being in either of those locations, being that the majority of her responsibilities were confined to the main house, so their paths didn’t cross at all. 

To her disappointment, he also didn’t join the other men for lunch in the kitchen, preferring instead to take his meals in the cottage. She didn’t understand why she was so melancholy about it, each time she was in his company she only seemed to make an absolute fool out of herself. But, she was disappointed still.

In an effort to be welcoming and hospitable, she left a jar of her peach jam on the kitchen counter after she had finished cleaning the cottage, only to have the jars returned at the door, eaten but with only “Miss Rey, thank you” written on a note. 

She kept each one. 

She also saw - on a regular occasion - that the townsfolk, mostly single, young ladies of marriageable age, or older, married ladies hoping to win the favour of either inhabitant had the door opened when _they_ came bearing gifts.

Hmph, apparently the part in 1:Timothy:3 in the Bible about a Pastor's home always being open applied to everyone but _her_ , she thought _._

Not even her culinary skills could bring him out of hiding, it seemed.

Late in the day the humidity and the heat clung to her, and it was impossible to stay cool once the afternoon sun had risen to its full height.

As Rey had finished her chores early that day, she decided it was the perfect time to sit down by her favourite spot in the river and let the cool breeze from the water waft over her.

She made her way down the path with her book, looking forward to the solitude and peace of the river. She wanted to sink herself into her reading, to lose herself in the story of Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy.

She threaded her way through low hanging river birch trees, enjoying the sensation of the cool green leaves under her fingertips.

Already she felt herself relax a little more, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she felt her cares brushed away as she moved the branches.

She came to a dead standstill as she realised that she wasn’t alone. Fortunately, the trees shielded her from sight, as there was no way she would have been able to hide the abject lust on her face as she spotted Ben rising from the river, dressed only in a pair of tight green swimming trunks.

It wasn’t as if she had never seen a shirtless man before. On the odd occasion that she had come across some of the farm hands swimming in the river, she had found it easy to do a quick about turn to avoid them.

But the spectre of Ben, with rivulets of water running down his chest and thighs, was not a vision she found she could turn away from.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she clutched her book to her chest. Her heart pounded and it felt like every part of her was on fire, she was so hot. Particularly between her thighs.

She remained motionless as he made his way over to the sunning rock, only a few feet from her, to dry off in the sun. Rey knew the rock well, it’s large flat surface dipping off into the water, heated by the afternoon rays. After the coolness of the water it would offer a welcome warmth. 

Ben flopped down, throwing his hand over his eyes to shield his face.

His hair was wet and tousled from his swim. She wondered what it would be like to twist it around her finger, or to run her hands through it as he kissed her.

She couldn’t help where her mind was leading, she bit her lip and clenched the branch she was holding, almost as if she would snap it clean away with the tension rising inside her.

From her hidden vantage point she felt a little bolder, allowing her eyes to wander down to his arms and chest. He was broad, broader than any man she had ever seen. She noticed his nipples were still pebbled, and she had the urge to flick her tongue over them. She stifled a little groan as a fresh sensation erupted low in her belly and a warm flush spread across her breasts. 

He was pale, but that was likely to change as the summer progressed - especially if he spent his afternoons like he currently was. She longed to run her hands along his smooth skin, to feel his chest and heartbeat beneath her palm, to plant lingering kisses along his strong biceps. His skin looked soft, very unusual for a man who generally worked on the land.

Feeling bolder, she progressed down to his pelvis, her lips rolling inward as she took in the sight. His hips where powerful and strong, with flat stomach muscles that disappeared under his swimming trunks. She allowed her eyes to dip a little lower, drinking in the rise and fall of his stomach as he breathed, then down to the area that was strictly forbidden for her to contemplate.

She almost gave her presence away as she stifled a gasp. She wasn’t at all familiar with what it was that men contained in their trousers, but if Ben was an example of the species - then she was terrified. It was large to be sure, his tight swimsuit leaving nothing to the imagination. 

It was indecent, just like her thoughts. But, she found herself unable to look away.

She stood transfixed for several moments, her eyes drinking him in. For a brief pause her eyes flicked down along his powerful thighs and calves, the water still gleaming from his earlier swim.

But they always returned to his trunks again, and she wondered what it would be like to touch him, to thread her hand underneath the waistband. 

A movement higher up on the bank caught her eye, panic quickly replacing her arousal as she recognised a very large tan and brown cottonmouth snake slither its way towards him. It was at least five feet long, and its large, triangular head contained enough poison to kill a man, even one as big as Ben. 

It was only for the briefest moment that she considered how her only course of action to prevent disaster would also reveal that she was spying on him as he laid there, but to do nothing was unconscionable - the snake was headed directly for Ben’s head, and if he reacted in surprise he would be bitten for sure. As bare as he was, the poison would have a direct path to his heart or his brain and he would be done for.

She had little regard for her own safety as she sprinted out of the bushes to push him out of the way. Her book flew from her hand and tumbled towards the river, the adrenaline pulsing through her, in addition to her momentum, enabling her to move him away and out of the path of the snake. 

The snake, spooked by the sudden commotion, reared up, displaying its pale underbelly.

They had rolled to a stop with Ben lying on top of Rey, her skirts pushed up around her thighs. Both lay frozen for a terrifying moment, watching the snake as it considered whether to strike or retreat. Thankfully, it chose the latter, settling back down on the rock and slithering at a breakneck speed, disappearing into the water.

Rey closed her eyes, willing the thumping of her heart to quell. They were both breathing in ragged gulps, and to her surprise he buried his head into her shoulder as his body went from frozen in panic, to blessed relief that the danger had passed.

She was pinned beneath him, and she could feel the cold dampness of his hair against her cheek intermingle with the heat from his breath against her neck.

As weighted down by him as she was, she could feel something press against her inner thigh. Something heavy and insistent, something that twitched as she shifted her hips just slightly. Her arousal returned in full force and she was rendered rigid, not having any idea what to do.

Ben suddenly yelped, shooting back away from her to sit upright. She lay with her hands clenched next to her face, her chest still heaving - and not just from the excitement from the snake, either. 

Unable to stop herself, she glanced down to his swimming trunks, her eyes wide as she saw that, what had five minutes ago seemed overwhelming, was now even more so, the thin material of his suit unable to provide even the slightest modesty.

Catching her look, Ben quickly placed his hands over his crotch, his own breathing shallow. He would look at her, then suddenly glance away, then bring his eyes back to her like he was at a loss with what to do.

Then, he scampered, gingerly it seemed, over to his clothes, pulling his shirt on and doing up the buttons. It must have been uncomfortable for him to put his clothes on over his wet trunks, but at the speed he was dressing it wasn’t his prime consideration. She smoothed her dress down again, sitting upright and wrapping her arms around her legs.

Neither said anything for the longest time, Ben eventually coming back to sit beside her. Not too close, but a respectful arms length distance. His arms were very long, like the rest of him, she noted as his palms rested on the warm rock.

She stared out onto the water, not wanting to leave - given she had been longing after his company for the past few weeks, but not sure how to progress to a proper conversation either.

He was the first to break the silence.

“Thank you,” his face was turned towards her, although she was yet to look at him. “For saving me. Things could be quite different right now,” he said, his voice wavering from the knowledge of just how close he had come to death - or at least grave misfortune. 

“It was nothing, there is no need to thank me,” she said, eager to move beyond the incident. While she didn’t regret saving him, she still felt the inner turmoil caused by the aftermath. She had never been so intimate with a man before, especially one that she was drawn to as much as she was to him.

It was bad enough to have been thinking about the terrible things she was, but to have known what… he felt like, so close to… her, if Mamma ever found out - goodness knows what would happen to her. 

At least a place on the farm was a place. It was better than nowhere at all. 

She was eighteen, no longer a child, but not old or wise enough to be able to make it on her own. She owned nothing, had very little in the way of skills, and would end up destined to be a maid or servant - that was if she wasn’t forced to marry the first man that would ask for her hand.

Rey was under no illusion - she was young and attractive enough, but her lineage was unknown. She had no property or social standing, so was likely to be claimed by a man who was unable to attract a more suitable wife. 

Men like that could be rough, brutal even. She saw it on the faces of some of the women in the town, tired, grubby children in tow. She saw the hardness cover young brides, younger than her, like a shroud. 

Living on the farm gave her an air of respectability and protection that she would not be afforded if she was alone.

At the same time, she was lonely. She didn’t have that many people to talk to, Bazine was too interested in boys, and Mamma was too interested in social climbing.

Also, she was drawn to him, quite unlike she had been to any other. So, Rey decided that as long as he kept a respectful distance, for the moment, she would stay and talk - despite how uncomfortable she was feeling. 

“Thank you, also, for the jam,” he added after a long moment.

She smiled at his statement this time, her face turning to look at him.

“You liked it? I wasn’t sure. I was almost about to stop leaving it for you,” she replied.

“No, no,” he shook his head emphatically. “I like it very much, Miss Rey. It tastes like summer.” 

She felt a little bolder. “Can I ask you a question?” He nodded. “Why don’t you take lunch at the main house with the other men?”

“Well, being…the son of a preacher man, as it were, there are things I must attend to during the day that prevent me from being able to lunch in the house. I very much wish too, but unfortunately the wrath of my old man is something I would like to avoid,” he said ruefully.

“So, you want to follow in your father’s footsteps?” 

The entire town was a twitter with _that_ particular question.

He laughed bitterly.

“No, I do not, but I made my choice a long time ago to accompany him on his true calling. So here I am.”

She was taken aback by his confession, tilting her head as she considered it. At the same time a warm feeling spread within her, as it seemed that he was taking her into his confidence.

“Well, if you don’t want to be a preacher like your father, what do you want to do?” she asked. 

“No one has ever asked me that question. I don’t know,” he said simply. “What about you? What do you want?”

She knew the answer. “To be happy and to be free.”

“Happy and free?” he repeated. 

“Yes,” she didn’t know what happy and free looked like. But she dreamed of it anyway.

Ben smiled at her, his face lit up by her idea, and she felt an ache deep in her stomach. “Well, I think happy and free sounds marvellous. So, I too would like to choose happy and free.”

They sat in contented silence. His eyes were kind, and for the first time she felt comfortable around him, which was indeed a miracle given what had occurred not long before.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to the riverbank.

‘

She gasped as she saw her treasured novel half submerged in the water. 

“My book!” She exclaimed as she raced to retrieve it. She fished it from the river, furiously dabbing at it with the skirt of her dress. It was the only book she owned, and it was only in her possession because it has been a required text for school some years before.

She knew she would need to be careful, but it should be able to be salvaged.

“Little Women?” He said, tilting his head as his read the spine.

She nodded and checked her watch, her heart sank as she saw it was time for her to start preparing for the evening meal. 

“I need to go, but perhaps we could talk again sometime?” It was awfully bold, but he was rather adept at remaining out of sight - so she had to establish some kind of protocol with him.

“Miss Rey, I would like that very much. I would also, if I may, ask for double quantities of your peach jam too, if that’s not too much trouble?”

She smiled. “No, no trouble at all.”

_______

Back at the main house, Rey worked quickly to arrange things for dinner. Bazine had been out for the day with friends, and Mamma had been tending to business in the town.

Once Mamma had finished saying grace, they began their evening meal. It was meatloaf, a meal Rey particularly enjoyed, especially with mashed potatoes. Bazine shared the days events with excitement. There was a new shipment of dresses at the local dress shop in all the latest seasons colours. Rey could tell that Bazine was angling for a new one, but Mamma was not taking the bait.

Neither asked how her day was, they already knew. Or rather, they thought they already knew. Rey was grateful that she didn’t have to deceive them. It wasn’t in her nature, but of course there was no way the truth would serve her in this case.

Mamma turned the conversation to other matters.

“Bazine, dear, you are well old enough to find a husband. Someone who will help run the farm after I am unable to continue.”

That Mamma considered that Bazine was entirely unsuited to run the farm came as a shock to no one at the table. That Mamma intended Bazine to marry so soon was news, however.

Bazine stopped dead still, her fork raised part way to her mouth. She dropped her fork with a clatter.

“What do you mean - a husband?” Bazine had gone pale, Rey knew the reason why.

“My dear, we must make arrangements while you are still young, and while the most eligible man in the town has expressed an interest in taking your hand.”

It was Rey’s turn to be frozen now, did she mean Ben?

“Armitage Hux,” Mamma continued, crowing at her achievement. “I have spoken with his father, and we have both agreed that it would make a most suitable match. Armitage would, of course, continue to run their own farm, but provide oversight here. You will need to move to the Hux family estate - but I imagine that won’t be too difficult.”

The Hux family was one of the most esteemed and wealthiest families in the county. While the senior Mr. Hux was generally a well respected fellow, the same could not be said for his son. Armitage had been in the same grade as Bazine and Rey, and had taken great delight in making things as uncomfortable for Rey as possible. His beady eyes would bore into her, looking at her like she was nothing - as if she was dirt under his shoe. He was always at pains to remind her that she didn’t really belong, that she had no place.

“Mamma, what if I don’t want to marry Armitage?” she asked, desperation clear across her face.

Mamma scoffed. “Bazine Khai! That is a ridiculous thing to say. He is an excellent match for you, you couldn’t possibly marry a better man.”

“You must be joking. He’s not a better man, Mamma. He’s awful, he’s cruel, the whole town knows it. I hate him,” she shrieked. “What about Rey, when does Rey need to get married? She can get married first, I don’t care.”

Mamma set her mouth in a thin line. “Rey will not be getting married, Rey will be staying here with me. To repay the kindness I have shown her over the years. To look after the house, and to take care of me when I am old. Your hands will be too full taking care of Armitage and your children.”

Rey’s heart sank at her statement. 

She wasn’t to be happy and free. She had assumed that she would find a husband and settle down to life as a farmer’s wife. Not with a husband as good as Bazine’s of course, but someone who would care for her, hopefully treat her and their children well.

In the weekly sermons, the Pastors had made it crystal clear that to be a wife, mother and homemaker was the destiny of womanhood. Now, it seemed, that was not to be her destiny at all.

It was a rude awakening to learn of her intended fate, that she was to grow old as she looked after Mamma. Then, in thirty years, well past the marrying age, she would have to either pray that Bazine would keep her on, or that she would be able to secure work elsewhere.

She thought she had a family. But really, she was just a hired hand, adopted for convenience, and because it was cheaper than having to pay her a wage. The realisation was devastating. She would never know love, or passion or intimacy. She would never have what Bazine had with Poe, or whatever it was that she felt each time she was around Ben.

Bazine was too consumed by her own pain to be aware of Rey’s. She, too, was just as trapped in a way - only her clothes would be more fashionable and her house would have more staff. She would lose Poe, the man she loved with all her heart.

Mamma snorted at both girls, taking in Bazine’s wild eyed panic and Rey’s look of dejection.

“You will marry Armitage, and that is the end of the discussion. I do not want to hear one more word against your future husband, or his family or any other nonsense.”

Bazine threw herself back in the chair, rudely scraping the feet against the hardwood floor of the dining room, and ran out of the room and up the stairs - sobbing as if her heart would break.

Mamma watched Bazine as she fled, then cast her eyes blankly at the table.

She stared into nothing for a moment, then looked at Rey, plastering a thin smile on her face.

“Don’t look so worried Rey, she will come around. Everything will be just fine.”

Rey wasn’t sure about either of those statements. 

Mamma calmly recommenced eating her meal, as if nothing untoward had occurred. Rey knew it meant the matter was no longer open for discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are the best! I promise to reply to each one.
> 
> And let Boomdafunk know how awesome you think her art is!
> 
> Looking forward to delivering another update in a week or so. Rey really lets her hair down... perhaps a little too much.


	5. B-A-B-Y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a surprising discovery, and an evening with Ben does not go as planned.

_ You are so good to me baby _

_ Just one look in your eye _

_ And my temperature goes sky high _

_ I live for you and can't help it _

_ You know I really don't want to help it _

****

Performed by Carla Thomas, 

Songwriters David Porter and Isaac Hayes

****

The tension that descended over the house after Mamma announced that Bazine was to wed Armitage could have been cut with a knife. 

****

Neither mother nor daughter had mentioned Armitage again. The mother - because she believed the matter was decided, and the daughter - because she had pushed it all aside - praying that it would be forgotten, or that the matter would not come to pass.

****

Other than that life continued as normal for Rey - the daily grind of chores and taking care of the house. There was, of course, church on Sundays - where Ben would be found at the front of the church, listening to his father's passionate sermons.

****

Pastor Han certainly had a way with words, and a rakish charm that ensured he snaked his way into the good graces of both men and women alike. 

****

Rey would try her best to concentrate on the important truths contained within his messages. But in reality, she was distracted by the sight of Ben. Of his voice. But he didn’t as much as glance her way.

****

It hurt and confused her terribly.

****

Not long after the conversation with Mamma about Armitage, Rey found herself attending to her cleaning schedule at the cottage a little later than usual. Mamma had asked her to do some additional chores which had pushed out her time schedule.

****

She was always a little excited as she entered Ben’s bedroom. It was such an oddly intimate thing, when stripping the bed she always took a moment to bury her face within the sheets and pillows. They always smelled so good, like soap, shampoo - and something else she was at a loss to describe. On the odd occasion she had also indulged her fantasy of being his wife, lying down on the pillow and snuggling down under the quilt. It felt peaceful and safe. She would close her eyes and imagine he was lying next to her, just about to roll over and nuzzle gently against her ear to wake her.

****

On this occasion, it was time to turn the mattress as well - which was always a labour intensive undertaking. 

****

She removed the bedclothes, then began the arduous task of flipping it over. She grunted as she used her shoulder as leverage, and was at a particularly pivotal moment when she spotted a handful of magazines between the mattress and the bed base.

****

She quickly finished turning the mattress, then fished underneath it to take a closer look.

****

Upon inspection, her hand went to her mouth in shock once she realised the kind of magazines they were. 

****

She had heard of such filthy publications, and certainly in school and in church the evils of pornography had been pressed upon her. But she had never seen one before, and it would not have entered her mind for a moment that she would find them under the mattress of the Pastor’s son.

****

Several of them, in fact.

****

She knew that she shouldn’t peek, that she should return the offending items back to where she found them and never think about them ever again. But she was curious, what was it about these magazines that drove Ben to look?

****

Her eyes grew wide as she flicked through the pages. The ladies were in various states of undress, of course. But it was what the ladies were doing in the pictures that really shocked her.

****

They smiled at the camera, completely free of shame or regret. In fact, they all looked rather confident - not at all what she had expected.

****

As she delved further, the pictures became more salacious. The ladies started to pose in more suggestive ways, touching themselves more intimately. Showing more - showing  _ everything _ .

****

Rey had never ever looked at herself “down there”, much less looked at another woman's “down there.”

****

They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves, putting their fingers and hands in places that were strictly forbidden. On their breasts, between their legs. Displaying themselves wantonly.

****

Rey had been so engrossed in the pictures that she had missed what her body was feeling in reaction to what she was seeing.

****

She became aware of the intense pressure between her legs first, a fullness that she recognised as the same feeling when Ben had pressed his hardness on her inner thigh down by the river. She felt a need to touch herself, to see what it felt like.

****

But she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.

****

Ashamed, she shoved the offending items back under the mattress and finished making the bed. The pictures kept flashing in her mind, and to make matters worse she had to fight the urge to go back and keep looking. 

****

She scooped up the dirty sheets and put them into her hip basket. She hurried down the stairs, eager to put distance between herself and the magazines. As she quickly made her way down the stairs, she could hear Ben and his father in the kitchen, causing her to stop dead in her tracks.

****

Their conversation sounded heated. 

****

“ _ Dad _ , it’s too risky. You need to find somewhere else.” She heard Ben say.

****

“ _ Son _ , people see what they want to see. Nobody will be any the wiser. Especially if you continue to stay out of trouble. I see you looking at her, don’t shit where you eat. Look elsewhere.”

****

Coming to her senses - it couldn’t possibly end well if she was discovered eavesdropping on the Pastor and his son - she bolted down the hallway and out the door, accidentally slamming it as she went.

****

_____________

****

It was two weeks later that Bazine convinced Rey to join her at the cottage for an evening with Ben and Poe.

****

Rey was suitability worried, but Bazine assured her it was all perfectly safe. Mamma had family business to attend to in Savannah with her sister - who was very ill - and would be away until Saturday afternoon.

****

Mamma felt it safe enough to leave the girls alone in the main farm house overnight, after all, the Pastor and his son were there to keep an eye on them - and she knew in any case that both girls would never behave improperly.

****

Mamma did not know that the Pastor would be away as well.

****

Late in the evening the coast was clear for the girls to sneak down to the caretakers cottage. 

****

Standing in the small sitting room, Rey’s eyes widened as she spotted the bottle of gin Poe had produced from underneath his jacket. He grinned wolfishly as Bazine jumped up and down, squealing and clapping her hands with glee. 

****

Rey didn’t know what to think. She had never drunk alcohol - it was strictly forbidden, just like dancing, rock and roll, movies and the … other thing. But she was curious nonetheless, Bazine had spoken of the pleasant buzz that gin produced, feelings of freedom and happiness.

****

She also knew that before long she would be alone with Ben, and quite frankly the idea both terrified and thrilled her. Perhaps the alcohol would help her relax, to be as confident and free as Bazine was with Poe.

****

Ben’s lips pursed together in disapproval as he looked at the bottle. He hadn’t really looked at Rey since she had arrived, and they had certainly not had any real conversation since the day by the river. She was sore about it, she thought that their talk had meant something. It certainly had to her.

****

“Where did you get that?” Bazine asked excitedly.

****

Ben stared pointedly at Poe, which did not go undetected by Rey.

****

“I found it, in a ditch,” Poe replied smoothly.

****

Ben’s facial expression revealed nothing, but his eyes still glittered dangerously.

****

Bazine seemed to accept his answer, even though it made little sense to Rey. Did one really find bottles of gin in ditches? If so, then surely it was a case for the authorities?

****

“Glasses, Ben?” Poe prodded.

****

Ben paused for a moment and then grunted his agreement. He headed off to the kitchen, returning with two tumblers.

****

Poe snorted. “Having trouble with your math, buddy? Last time I counted, there were four of us.”

****

“Rey and I won’t be having any. You and Bazine can suit yourself,” was Ben’s short reply.

****

Rey was annoyed by his attempt to stop her from doing what she wanted to do - which was to be free of whatever bondage it was whenever she was in his presence.

****

She raised her chin in defiance. “You are not my keeper, Benjamin Solo. You are not my father, or my brother or my... anything. I will do as I please.”

****

Her decision was made as she brushed by him and headed into the kitchen. She knew the layout, having been tasked with keeping the cottage clean. She chose the largest tumbler she could find, and headed back to the sitting room.

****

She produced the glass with a flourish, waving it under Ben’s nose. His eyes narrowed in response.

****

Poe grinned, pleased that Rey would be joining them. He filled her glass halfway to the top.

****

“Dameron,” said Ben through gritted teeth. “She’s just a kid, go easy.”

****

That sent another wave of indignation coursing through her. It crushed her that he viewed her like that. 

****

She would show Benjamin Solo who was a kid. 

****

She pressed the glass to her lips, glaring at him as she did, then took a large gulp. It might have looked like water in appearance - but it burned like fire down her throat. She coughed and sputtered, much to the amusement of Poe and Bazine.

****

“Hang loose, buddy,” said Poe as he laughed. “She can handle her alcohol.”

****

Ben muttered something unintelligible under his breath as Rey endured her coughing fit. He rubbed between her shoulder blades to help comfort her, which went a long way to easing the discomfort in her chest, but did very little to quell that ever present fire that burned in her lower belly whenever he was around.

****

Straightening up, Rey felt a warm buzz flood through her as the alcohol hit her system. She grinned at Poe, which was followed by a giggle. She was suddenly relaxed, and everything felt easy. Her worries and tensions began to melt away. She congratulated herself on throwing caution to the wind - she might now actually be able to enjoy herself.

****

“Let’s have some fun,” she suggested. “What can we do?”

****

“We could listen to some tunes?” said Poe.

****

Rey was confused. Music? The radio was likely to be playing a hymn or sermon, and she could listen to that anytime, it hardly counted as music.

****

“Hang on,” Ben said, as he walked into his bedroom. As he opened the door, Rey’s heart skipped a beat as she caught sight of his bed. She knew what filth he kept secreted away under the mattress. 

****

Her mind wandered to the pictures. What did Ben think about when he looked at those women in the photos? Would he look at her in the same way if she was nude, too? She shifted her feet uncomfortably as a throb began between her legs. She needed to sit down.

****

Bazine was grinning goofily at Poe as she sipped her drink. Rey could tell what was brewing between those two, and she didn’t want to be left alone with Ben just yet. Rey linked Bazine’s arm in hers and ushered her to the small sofa under the window. The alcohol seemed to have mellowed Bazine as well, as she went easily. The two girls flopped onto the sofa together, giggling as their skirts flew up into the air as they did. Bazine wrapped her arms around Rey’s waist as they relaxed into a familiar embrace.

****

Rey relaxed a little more, it was like old times when she and Bazine were as close as could be. Before boys came on the scene - or really just one boy. Poe - who wasn’t really a boy, but very much a man.

****

To her surprise, Ben returned from his bedroom with an armful of records, which was then followed by a portable record player.

****

Poe whistled. “Is that a Phillips?”

****

Ben continued to set up up the player as he answered. 

****

“It is.”

****

Bazine squeezed Rey a little harder. “Pick something, Poe.”

****

“With pleasure, my love,” he crooned.

****

Rey could feel Bazine begin to squirm next to her, and her breath quickened just a little. 

****

Poe began to rifle through the records. “Otis… Rolling Stones… Beatles… ah, here we are. Elvis. Cue her up, my main man.” He handed the sleeve to Ben, who raised his eyes in amusement.

****

“As you wish,” Ben replied with a wry grin, as he lifted the lid of the record player. Poe stood in the centre of the room, and threw back the remainder of his drink in an exaggerated gesture, handing the empty glass to Bazine.

****

He looked at Bazine with a glint in his eye and a raise of his brow. Rey felt how Bazine shivered in response, and she felt somehow as if she was a part of whatever ritual they were engaged in. Bazine’s breasts were heaving against her arm, and Rey could feel the anticipation building in her sister.

****

Under normal circumstances Rey would be shocked and utterly uncomfortable to have been caught between the two of them, but as the warm glow of the gin continued to relax her she found herself enjoying the display of affection. They were clearly besotted with each other, and Rey wondered what it would be like to have such feelings and intensity directed at her. 

****

She watched Ben as he carefully placed the needle on the record, being precise and particular in his motions so as not to damage it. Her eyes travelled down his broad back, lingering at his backside, and then moving down to his long legs. He really was a fine example of a man, Rey mused. She wondered what he looked like naked, remembering the sight of him down at the riverbank, and how he felt as he lay between her legs.

****

That darn snake, she thought. Then she immediately reprimanded herself for cursing, even if it was just in her head.

****

She blushed again, taking another gulp of gin to distract herself. While it still burned down her throat, it didn’t cause a coughing fit like the time before.

****

Bazine, who still only had eyes for Poe, rested her head against Rey’s shoulder, giving a soft sigh. 

****

Ben turned to lean against the wall with his arms folded as the music began to play.

****

_ Hey baby I'm here to tell you about yourself _

_ You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, scratchin' all the time _

_ You ain't nothin' but a hound dog baby, scratchin' all the time _

_ You ain't caught no rabbits you ain't no friend of mine _

As the music began to play, Poe suddenly swung into action, swinging his pelvis to mimic the movements that had scandalised America years before. Bazine squealed in appreciation, squeezing Rey even tighter, pushing out Rey’s breath like a boa constrictor. Rey didn’t notice, however, as she was similarly transfixed by Poe’s gyrations. 

****

Poe’s hips snapped in time to the beat, thrusting and twisting across the room. Bazine and Rey erupted into delighted giggles, and Rey was beginning to get a sense of what Poe might look like when he was with Bazine. His hair flopped across his face as he crooned the words to Bazine in time to the music.

****

_ Well, you said you was high class _

_ Found out that was just a lie _

_ Yeah you said you was high class, baby _

_ That was just a lie _

_ Well, you ain't killed no rabbits, you ain't no friend of mine _

****

As Rey watched, she found herself becoming very hot and bothered, like she could jump out of her skin. It wasn’t just Bazine’s vice like grip around her waist that was making it hard to breathe, it was the vision of Poe before her, too. She and Bazine began to jump and squeal together, clapping excitedly each time he gave a particularly vigorous thrust or gyration. 

****

_ Hey you ain't nothin' but a hound dog….  _

****

Suddenly the sound of the needle scraping against the record as it was roughly pulled away interrupted the show. It seemed Ben’s early care with the equipment was forgotten as he glared at Poe, who just shrugged in return.

****

Rey felt a chill as Bazine slipped away to approach Poe. She flung her arms around his neck, crushing him into a passionate kiss. Poe’s hands immediately went to Bazine’s backside, squeezing and caressing her. Rey watched in fascination, biting her lip as Bazine began to grind her pelvis against Poe’s. Bazine began to moan with pleasure, breaking the kiss to arch her back, Poe taking the opportunity to trail kisses down her neck. She growled as he lent her backwards to gain access to the base of her throat.

****

Rey was unable to tear her eyes away from the sensual display before her. Bazine had often shared the details of her escapades with Poe - but it was always second hand. She’d never had the opportunity to see it in the flesh.

****

Bazine’s eyes were closed, and her lips parted in pleasure. It was like a dance - Poe knew where to touch her, where to place his lips to elicit the most filthy guttural moans from Bazine’s throat.

****

Rey was feeling entirely hot and tense all at once. She wanted to feel what Bazine was feeling, she wanted Ben to touch her like that, too. She felt the overwhelming urge to squirm against the sofa, but she held steady. As relaxed as she was by the warm buzz from the gin, she still had some sense that it was taking things too far.

****

She took another gulp of the gin, and the buzz inside her intensified. Now she was feeling more than a little light headed. A small voice inside her told her to stop, that to continue to imbibe could lead to all kinds of disaster, but she pushed that voice aside.

****

She was always a good girl, now she felt quite overwhelmed by the urge to let loose. Plus, she was unlikely to ever have the opportunity again. She was to live out her days as an old maid, forgotten and alone.

****

“Dameron, get a room,” Ben growled. Rey shifted her attention to his face. She took a sharp breath as she saw how dark his expression was, and although he had addressed Poe, he was looking straight at her.

****

Defiance welled within her again. She resented how he had tried to take control of the situation, and it seemed - of her. But in the same space it was also stirred something more in her. A different tension. 

****

The feeling of lightheadedness increased, and the room started to spin.

****

Poe stood still for the moment, as if he had had a realisation. “Hey buddy, it seems I have forgotten to bring some… ah supplies. You can help a brother out with that?”

****

Without a word, Ben walked to his room, returning with a small package in his hand, which he handed on to Poe. He then returned to his position on the wall as before.

****

“Neato,” Poe said, then took his cue and scooped up Bazine into his arms and into the elder Solo’s bedroom. It was absolutely scandalous what Poe and Bazine were about to do on the preacher’s bed, but Ben didn’t seem to be particularly concerned with it. 

****

Not even when the bedroom door slammed shut, and the sound of giggles from Bazine turned into moans. 

****

Ben continued to stare at her from his position on the wall. Rey felt an intense agitation looking at him, her skin prickling, and the already intense throb between her legs only adding to her tension. She wanted to know what it was like to experience the passion she just witnessed for herself. 

****

She stood up, resting the back of her legs against the sofa as she was more unsteady than she realised. She took a tentative step forward, feeling more confident as it seemed the floor beneath her wouldn’t fall away. She set a determined look on her face and strode across the room to face him as he straightened his stance, his eyes wide. 

****

Standing toe to toe she had to crane her neck to look up at him, causing her to stumble backwards. He moved quickly, catching her before she fell.

****

Rey swooned as she was enveloped in his strong arms, it felt so good to be held by him. Her arms clumsily threaded around his neck as she pulled him in for a kiss.

****

At first his mouth was frozen, and if in shock from her sudden affection, then responding to her with a low moan as her lips claimed his.

****

It was her first kiss, and given her already lightheaded state was a good deal harder to maintain than she had expected, as her legs threatened to give away under her. She pushed her pelvis to meet his just as she had seen Bazine do to Poe, her breath stuttering as she became aware of his hardness as it prodded her stomach. 

****

Suddenly, Ben pushed her away, holding onto her arms to prevent her from falling while still breaking contact from the rest of her body.

****

It was a jarring shock, his heat replaced by confusion and disappointment. 

****

He looked at her, his breathing shallow and pupils blown.

****

“This is too fast, Rey,” he rasped.

****

Indignation immediately rose within her as she took in his words. The silence of the moment was broken by the sound of the headboard hitting the wall in the next room, the tempo and level of noise ever increasing.

****

“How  _ dare _ you call me fast!” She spat. How could she be fast? She had never ever kissed a boy before, how could she be fast?

****

“No, Rey, not you, sweetheart. This. You are lit, and you might make decisions you will regret later,” he said firmly, but tinged with a little sadness.

****

She wrenched her arms from his grip, spinning on unsteady feet to stumble to the sofa. The sting of rejection tore through her. 

****

He didn’t want her, not like she wanted him. 

****

If he did want her, then they should have been headed towards his room by now, to make the headboard bang, she reasoned.

****

She collapsed, humiliated and rebuffed, misjudging the sofa and sliding towards the floor.

****

Ben quickly followed after her, catching her once again. He caught her a lot, it seemed.

****

She heard him swear at Poe under his breath. She didn’t know why he was angry at Poe, Ben was the one acting like a complete bonehead.

****

Their faces were just inches apart, and a well of desire flooded her as she stared at him. The intensity was overwhelming, and her hurt feelings dissipated as she was captivated by his proximity. 

****

Perhaps if the hard and fast approach she adopted from Bazine hadn’t worked, perhaps she should try the opposite?

****

She pressed her mouth to his again, but this time slow and soft. She pulled her to him, her fists bunching the material of his shirt. He moaned again, sinking into her embrace. 

****

His arms were around her again, cradling her as his tongue slowly began to probe and taste her.

****

It was heavenly, far more intense than she had even imagined that it could be. It wasn’t hard and grinding like Poe and Bazine’s had appeared to be. Instead it was tender and intimate, she felt safe, secure and cared for. Wanted for herself, as she was.

****

It, like the effect of the alcohol, was a new sensation for her.

****

She broke their kiss to ask for her heart’s desire.

****

“Make me feel what Bazine does, show me what it’s like,” she said softly, her voice slightly slurred by the gin.

****

The soft feelings were once again rudely ripped from her as Ben broke their embrace, scuttling back across the floor as if to put distance between then.

****

“Christ, Rey. You have to stop, baby. You are driving me crazy, but I don’t know if it's you or the alcohol talking.” 

****

She folded her arms petulantly, slumping in a decidedly dejected manner against the sofa. She realised the headboard had stopped banging, and only silence was coming from the preacher’s bedroom.

****

“It isn’t fair. You don’t want me,” she complained. Bazine had the man she wanted, why couldn’t she?

****

“Rey,” he said softly. “That is simply not the case.”

****

She didn’t believe him. Her stomach began to twist and churn, as she was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to be sick. She blanched a little, then slapped her hand across her mouth.

****

Ben’s eyes grew wide in realisation she was about to hurl.

****

“Shit, Rey. Will you make it to the bathroom?”

****

She shook her head, there was no way she was going to make it up the stairs.

****

He swore again, and then bolted to the kitchen - returning with the mop bucket.

****

Which she was ever so grateful for, and was provided in the nick of time.

****

He held her hair and stroked her back as she was ill, saying soothing, gentle things that made her feel much better.

****

Once finished, he then bought her a tall glass of water and a washcloth to wipe her face.

****

“Thank you,” she said, still a little unsteady. “I’m tired. But I need to know, why are you so cold to me? I’m so confused, Ben, one moment we are talking, and it’s like there is noone else in the world. Then, poof, nothing. Why? What am I doing wrong?”

****

His sigh was heavy.

****

“Rey, sweetheart, you are not doing anything wrong. In fact, it is quite the opposite - and where I should be able to resist temptation, I find I cannot. But we can talk about this later, when you are sober. First you need to sleep it off.”

****

Strangely, at the suggestion of rest, she felt her eyes suddenly grow heavy. Ben gingerly crept up to her, helping her spread out along the sofa, plumping up a cushion before placing it carefully under her head.

****

“I’ll get you a blanket,” he said simply, but she didn't remember if he spoke to her after his return. Just the warmth from the blanket, and the softness of his hand as it stroked her forehead as she drifted to sleep.

****

As she drifted in and out of her slumber, strange noises pricked at her consciousness. The far away sound of Ben moaning from behind his bedroom door. Of heated conversations spoken in hushed tones so as not to disturb her.

****

Then, she roused as large arms wrapped around her, scooping her up and carrying her out the door. The cool evening air made her shiver as it embraced her, and she felt the arms cradle her closer. The scent of soap, shampoo, and something else enveloped her, and she snuggled into it - and a broad chest.

****

The next morning she vaguely recalled being carried up the stairs to her room and being tucked in fully dressed, as Bazine bid the arms goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments and kudo's given to the fic have given me joy. Thank you.
> 
> So... they kissed - twice - but things got a little bit awkward for our two love birds didn't they.
> 
> So, where too from here? How will the both of them feel the morning after?


	6. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the morning after. Will Ben and Rey finally be able to talk about their attraction to each other. (FYI the answer is yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta, friend and fandom wife - MyJediLife, who also holds my hand when I get all needy.  
> Which is often, just ask her.

_ But will my heart be broken _

_ When the night (when the night) _

_ Meets the morning (meets the morning) sun _

Performed by The Shirelles

Songwriters Carole King / Gerry Goffin

On Saturday morning she woke like a bear with a sore head, grumpy and irritable. Unfortunately, there was no opportunity for Rey to wallow in her misfortune, as there were many duties to attend to before Mamma returned from her trip to Savannah.

Rey noted that Pastor had also returned that afternoon. 

For a Pastor, he sure travelled out of the county on a regular basis. 

She wasn’t sure whether she was grateful or disappointed that she did not see Ben that day, and had to wait until the Sunday church service before she saw him next. He, of course, was seated at the front pew, while she was several pews behind. She bore her eyes into the back of his head as the sermon continued. 

Pastor seemed to be his usual energetic self at the pulpit, making proclamations and praises - but Rey absorbed none of it. She was too busy paying attention to every move and gesture Ben made.

Bazine stifled a giggle as she noticed the object of Rey’s attention, but mercifully knew better than to draw attention to it. If Mamma caught on that Rey was sweet on him, that would certainly be the end of the unsupervised freedom the girls had.

When it was time to sing the hymns, she closed her eyes as Ben’s deep bass drifted down towards her. It cut through all the other voices in the church, and it was all at once soothing and evocative.

She chided herself again for having such a lustful reaction in church.

After the service, she refused to look at him as the parishioners gathered around to make small talk before heading off to their respective homes for Sunday lunch. He had made an attempt to catch her eye as he exited the church, but she only trusted herself to look at him for a brief moment, not returning his smile but moving her attention to Bazine instead.

He continued out the door and the moment was gone.

She told herself that she was giving him the cold shoulder because she was still sore that he had rebuffed her two nights prior, but at the same time she also knew deep down it was because she was also very embarrassed at her behaviour.

Her first proper time be alone with Ben, and she had thrown caution to the wind with the demon drink, which had then led her to throwing herself at him - and throwing up in the mop bucket.

It was humiliating.

Soon the way was clear for her to walk out with Bazine and Mamma, and she made her way down the steps of the church, avoiding him as he stood at the foot of the steps. She made her way to a circle of girls she knew from her time at school.

She didn’t like any of them particularly much, and they barely tolerated her in return. They were Bazine’s friends really, but at least it was better than standing alone waiting for Ben to either ignore her or seek her out

They were discussing Phasma’s ring - again - and the planning arrangements for the upcoming nuptials. Phasma had caught herself a very handsome man from a very esteemed family. She would be fulfilling her destiny as a wife, mother and homemaker in style. Unfortunately, however, with less grace than could be hoped for, as she crowed her fortune to the group.

Bazine spoke nothing of Armitage.

It seemed that Ben was quite intent on speaking to her - as she saw him make his way over. She caught him smiling at her, but she turned her back to him in any case, and did not acknowledge his presence as he joined them. The girls she was talking to did not feel the same compunction. They all welcomed him warmly into the circle. 

Ben was a bachelor, and a very dreamy one at that, so he had caught many a young ladies eye in the weeks since his arrival with his father.

“Good morning, ladies,” he said. “Miss Rey.” In her peripheral vision, she caught him nod specifically at her.

“Good morning Mr. Solo,” she responded, but still didn’t look at him. She couldn’t.

“Miss Rey, I trust you are feeling better this morning?” he said coolly.

She blanched inwardly at his inference. 

“Oh Rey, were you ill?” asked Phasma, her voice dripping with fake concern.

“Why no,” Rey said, bristling at her insincerity. “I’m not quite sure what Mr. Solo is referring to.” She turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised in mock curiosity. “Perhaps, Mr. Solo, it is  _ you  _ that has been ill?”

The girls in the circle tittered at the impudence of her reply. Surely it meant Rey was out of contention for his favour, as no man, certainly not one as eligible as Benjamin Solo, could find such conduct appealing.

“Perhaps,” he said, his eyes narrowing a little. “Ladies, a pleasure as always. Miss Rey, I shall see you later this afternoon for Sunday lunch. Mrs. Khai has kindly invited my father and I to join you all.”

With that he turned on his heels and walked away.

Rey was at once filled with excitement and dread. There was to be no day of rest for her this Sunday, it seemed. She would need to remain on guard and keep her distance. She had already behaved in a scandalous manner with Ben, and still felt the pain of his rejection - and she had no desire for a repeat performance anytime soon. 

__________

Sunday lunch came around quickly - Mamma was bustling to make sure everything would be prepared for their very special guests. The best linen and silver serving ware adorned the table, and the smell of the Yankee Pot Roast that Rey had made filled the kitchen.

When she was preparing it that morning, she hadn’t realised that he would be partaking.

Mamma was bursting with pride at having secured not only the living arrangements for the Pastor and his son on her property, but also their attendance at Sunday lunch as well.

It was a coup to be sure.

As soon as all the guests were seated at the table for lunch, Mamma invited the Solo men to begin serving themselves from the sumptuous spread placed in front of them.

“Please, help yourselves,” she beckoned with her hands. “There is plenty for everyone.”

For Rey, she had never quite become accustomed to the generosity and abundance of the food provided at the Khai Farm. It was certainly more than had been on offer at the orphanage. 

Soon, the sound of silverware scraping against platters filled the room, as they served themselves heaping plates of delicious vegetables and baked ham in soda pop glaze - and Rey’s pot roast of course. Fresh rolls adorned the side plates for later. 

  
  


“Mr. Solo, Rey made the Yankee Pot Roast. It is most delicious. Once you have had a taste, you simply have to go back for more,” Bazine cooed, ignoring Rey’s glare.

Ben scraped his food to the side of his plate, then heaped another large spoonful of pot roast onto it, his eyes on her the entire time. 

She felt the fire low in her belly, then she remembered she was ignoring him and looked away.

Once those at the table had filled their plates, Mamma nodded at Pastor Han, inviting him to say grace.

As those at the table bowed their heads, Rey took a moment to peek through her lashes at Ben. To her shock, his eyes were wide open and still staring right at her, as if he could see into her mind. She quickly averted her eyes. For a pastor’s son, he certainly didn’t seem to observe the required practices.

With grace completed, they picked up their cutlery and commenced eating. The table was silent for a moment, something that Mamma was at great pains to rectify.

“So,” she said with a small smile. “What news do Mr. Solo and his son bring to us this fine afternoon?”

Ben cleared his throat, speaking with a slow, deliberate manner.

“It would seem that... Miss Rey has disturbed some things in my room,” he said.

Her cutlery clattered to her plate, and she stared at him open mouthed. Humiliation crept up from her chest and through her face. She already felt so ashamed from looking at the magazines. But now he meant to expose her? 

What could possess him to do such a thing? 

“Rey? What is Mr. Solo talking about?” said Mamma sharply. 

Rey was unable to speak, her voice seemingly stolen along with her equilibrium. It wasn’t bad enough that he had rejected her advances, now he sought to have her get into trouble. 

“Mrs. Khai,” Ben continued smoothly. “It would seem that while Miss Rey was tending to the cottage recently, that she disturbed my treasured collection of National Geographic magazines. They are collectors items, and must be treated very delicately. Not shoved into tight spots, without care or conscience.”

Relief flooded through her as she realised that she was not going to be exposed. Even so, she glared at him for playing games with her. 

“Rey,” said Mamma as she turned back to her again. “Is this true?”

“Yes, Mamma. I accidentally knocked them over as I was changing the bed linen.” She could feel the blush intensify, to be discussing such an intimate thing as Ben’s bed clothes. She could still remember the lingering smell of them, of soap and shampoo and something else she couldn't quite define, but was intoxicating nonetheless.

Not forgetting the magazines, of course.

“Please accept my deepest and most sincere apologies, Mr. Solo. I did not mean to cause you such consternation,” she said coolly, hoping to put the matter behind her as quickly as possible.

“Well, Mr. Solo, it seems that the matter has been resolved.” Mamma spoke with finality, also clearly wanting to move the question to a more comfortable topic. “What do you think of this weather?” she said, turning to Ben’s father.

The conversation moved to more pleasant topics, while Rey could only remain frozen to the spot. Her appetite had completely disappeared. Once she was able to move again all she could do was push her food around her plate, feigning interest in the talk at the table.

Once lunch had finished, it was decided to move to the porch to enjoy the late afternoon breeze that had stirred up. Rey moved slowly, in an effort to ensure that only she and Ben were left in the dining room. It would seem he had the same idea.

Once they were alone, she decided it was time to give him a piece of her mind.

“How could you?” she accused, her eyes suddenly wild with anger and her arms folded across her chest. “First you spurn my advances, and now you are intent on humiliating me!”

Surprised, Ben looked completely aghast at her reaction, quickly striding around the table to place his hands on her upper arms, squeezing ever so gently. 

“Miss Rey, I’m sorry. I only meant to tease. I was a little sore that you had ignored me at church and had been surly with me after. I only wanted to talk to you, but you wouldn’t give me the time of day.” Ben spoke with true sincerity, his contrition clear from his expression.

“For a man so close to religion, you seem to know little of the ways of propriety.” She sniffed. “They were  _ your  _ filthy magazines. I have never seen such things before in my life. If your father found out he would be shocked and ashamed that his son had fallen so far from grace. To what purpose you have them in your possession is beyond me.”

Ben had the decency to look a little embarrassed as he chuckled.

“I guess you got me there,” he replied. “In any case, please accept my sincere apologies.”

She felt her anger soften and her shoulders relax. She found herself melting at his words, and at his proximity. His hands were still resting against her upper arms, and she felt the furnace deep inside her begin to come to life again. His eyes were so kind and earnest as they gazed into hers, and she was unable to keep her heart hard toward him.

“Well, Ben, I suppose I shall. But do not do such a thing again.”

“No,” he shook his head quickly.

“Good. I am sorry I ignored you, I was embarrassed. And you may call me Rey,” she said softly. 

That last statement was very, very bold of her - to invite such familiarity.

He too, seemed to relax somewhat, although his demeanor was still serious. 

“Rey, the other thing you mentioned - spurning your advances, as you so phrased it. If you come to me, it has to be because you want to. Not because you have been drinking, not because you have been watching Dameron and Bazine and are curious. But because you choose to be with me of your own free will, entirely and wholeheartedly.” 

She blinked slowly as she took in his words. If she came to him? Did he want her to do that?

“If I had taken advantage of you, I can assure you that today you would be facing a mountain of confusion and regret. I don’t want that for any woman, but especially not for you.”

She knew he was right, most of that evening was a clouded haze, just the memory of their kisses, his arms around her as he carried her up to her room, and his pushing her away as she had begged him to touch her like Poe did Bazine.

She had not really thought through what she had tried to do. Generally, when she had considered the circumstances of her first time, she assumed her virginity would be claimed by her husband on her wedding night. To have had it claimed, even by Ben, and not be able to remember it, or to have been sure that it was what she really wanted - the thought weighed heavy in her stomach.

To her surprise, he released his grip on her, only to lean in and whisper against her ear.

Her heart thumped in her chest to have him so close. 

“We will probably arouse suspicion if we linger much longer. Will you accompany me outside?” Ben said. “I promise to be kind.” he assured her with a warm smile.

Her stomach seemed to turn upside down and inside out at the sight of it. Rey smiled softly in return, this time able to meet his gaze a little more. Some of her shyness had slipped away. It was not so difficult to be in his company, and she was more at ease.

The butterflies still remained, and it didn’t appear as if they were to leave her anytime soon.

The rest of the afternoon passed away pleasantly enough. After their earlier conversation, she was more relaxed and able to join in with the banter and general chit chat that was unfolding on the porch.

Pastor Han certainly was an entertaining story teller, regaling them with tales of towns he and Ben had resided in. Even Bazine seemed happy enough to be in his company, rather than angling for an opportunity to leave so she could rendezvous with Poe. 

Rey laughed along with everyone else, and every so often she would meet Ben’s gaze and they would smile at each other a little more.

There was something there, stirring between them. She was excited and scared at the same time. But it was definitely better to experience it while she was lucid, rather than through an inebriated fog.

The only perplexing moment was when Ben disappeared inside into the sitting room, but everything went back to the way it was after he reappeared.

After a little while, both men bid their goodbyes. Pastor Han had some matters in the town to attend to, and Ben made noises about checking on fences that separated the orchard from the grazing fields.

Mamma tut tutted at the idea of working on a Sunday, but seemed pleased at the same time as to Ben’s dedication to her farm.

As Rey and the other women stood at the top of the porch steps to see the men off, she was surprised to feel the tingling brush of Ben’s hand against hers as he walked past. She felt something like a wad of paper press into her hand, and on instinct she quickly secreted it away in the pocket of her skirt.

Once the men were gone, she quickly made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, eager to see what it was that he had handed to her.

With the door securely closed and sitting on the edge of the bed, she pulled the paper from her pocket.

It was a folded note, and she smoothed it out as she opened it, caressing the page as she took in its contents. His penmanship was beautiful, but it was the content of the note that really took her breath away and had her heart pounding.

_ Meet me in one hour in the barn behind the orchard. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well.
> 
> Things are going to get all hot and steamy now. I have spent an appropriate amount of time getting these two together - now the fun really begins!
> 
> Thank you for all my lovely comments and kudos. They make me feel all gooey.


	7. Call On God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is drawn to the barn where Ben is waiting for her and they can finally express the passion they feel for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, once I heard that this fic was getting the spotlight in the Reylo Book Club I got awfully excited and decided to post two chapters straight away.
> 
> I’m just - chuffed to bits.
> 
> I’m also chuffed to bits at the readers that have been commenting and kudoing too. It means so much to see the familiar names pop up after each update.
> 
> Chapter 7 needs a big shout out to GreyForceUser who helped me so much with the kissing scenes. She does delightful ones in her fic How Life Strikes, so I knew who to turn to to make this one special.
> 
> As always a thank you to my fandom wife [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife), who is a rock, confidant and an amazing person. I'm so lucky to have you.

That Rey absolutely intended to meet Ben in an hour in the barn behind the orchard was indisputable.

****

That she desperately wanted to let go of the shackles of her shame - that threw a shadow over the way he made her feel and the way her body responded to him - was undeniable.

****

Exactly what would happen during their clandestine meeting - because no doubt about it - discovery would be cataclysmic, she didn’t know. 

****

She had spent her entire life successfully avoiding being preyed upon, so the concept that she would willingly engage in anything with Ben was completely alien and terrifying.

****

But she was doing it anyway. There was a gravitational pull towards him and the barn - and she was powerless to resist it.

****

She hoped that she could keep things from getting out of hand. Ben was a man, and she had been warned throughout her life that men would take whatever they wanted and then dispose of an easy woman the next minute. She had heard the term “why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for free” more times that she cared to remember.

****

At the same time, it had struck her that Poe did not seem to be that way with Bazine, and she had never seen Bazine as happy as she was when she was with him.

****

With all of this tumbling through her mind, Rey tentatively opened the barn door and was immediately hit with the sight of Ben sitting on a ledge of hay bales at the far corner. 

****

The barn itself was one of the smaller ones on the farm, and it's awkward position behind the orchard meant it was often forgotten - making it the perfect secret meeting spot.

****

As always, he took her breath away and turned everything in her world upside down and on its head.

****

Upon seeing her, he sprang to attention, his face beaming as she closed the barn door. She didn’t venture in any further.

****

Should she go to him? Should she play hard to get? Should she be coy? Should she don a cloak of false confidence? Should she just give way to her lust and throw herself at him?

****

She had no idea.

****

Ben didn’t make a move towards her either, and for a moment they just stared at each other. Ben - with a goofy grin slapped across his beautiful face - and Rey, with excited apprehension on hers. 

****

She couldn’t recall ever seeing him that happy before, and it comforted her to no end. That surely had to mean something?

****

He awkwardly cleared his throat. “I’m glad you came. I wasn’t sure if you would.”

****

Rey was at a loss of how to respond, other than to bolt back out the door and back out to safety. Safety from what she was not entirely sure. She gave a nervous smile.

****

He squinted for just a moment. “Do you... want to be here?” he said hesitantly.

****

She nodded vigorously, not quite trusting herself to speak.

****

Ben relaxed a little at her response, then to her surprise he extended a hand towards her, curling his fingers just slightly to beckon her. 

****

“Join me, please,” he said softly, the smile returning to his face.

****

It was welcoming gesture, and one she very much wanted to accept.

****

Rey crossed the remaining space between them, and tentatively placed her hand in his. As his hand easily enclosed hers she felt a warm glow from the contact, followed by a much hotter one in her belly. 

****

She decided not to fight it this time.

****

Still clasping her hand, he led her to the hay bales, and they sat together. Her breath quickened as his thigh briefly brushed hers, but he quickly shuffled away to make things more comfortable. She was relieved and disappointed at the same time.

****

But she did not attempt to break his hand away, and he did not do the same with hers. His thumb gently caressed the area between her thumb and wrist, sending tiny chills down her arm. Noone had ever touched her so intimately before, and certainly not someone who held such fascination for her.

****

They sat in silence for a moment or two, neither able to look at each other just yet.

****

“Is this okay?” he asked again, breaking the silence. He turned to face her, and she shyly met his gaze. His face was so close to hers, she could make out his constellation of moles on his face - and she could feel the electricity between them. The potential for something tremendous, something she longed for.

****

But it required a leap of faith.

****

Impulsively, and quite out of character - not counting her transgressions two days before, she closed the distance between them again, reaching up to press her lips to his. He shrank back a little in surprise, then, recovering quickly, pressed his lips back into hers.

****

She was overwhelmed by the experience immediately, everything was teeth smashing and tongues dancing - after all, it was how Bazine had explained it to her on many occasions. 

****

Especially the tongues part - according to Bazine the tongue part was the most exciting part of the kiss.

****

But right now she wasn’t so sure. Kissing was far more awkward than she imagined it to be - she didn’t know where to put her hands, or how to tilt her head, or how to follow Ben’s lead. Because he was trying to lead her somewhere in his rhythm, but she didn't know how to follow, and there was something offkey with the whole thing. On the one hand she was beside herself at the realisation that she was kissing Ben Solo, and he was absolutely kissing her back, but while she could feel her pulse racing at the same time - it was not quite the earth moving experience she was expecting.

****

She recalled that Bazine had bitten Poe’s lower lip during the kiss at the caretakers cottage, so in an effort to seem more worldly and in control she decided she would do the same.

****

His response was to yelp and pull back in surprise and pain. His hand broke from hers to rub at the bite wound, every now and then pulling back his hand to check for blood.

****

Mortified, Rey buried her face in her hands and considered her escape route out of the county, or perhaps even the state. Bazine made it seem so easy, but maybe Rey didn’t have the ability to handle a man like Ben. 

****

He was sure to be either angry, or mock her for her ineptitude at what was - what she assumed to be - a very basic kiss.

****

She felt her heart constrict in her chest, and gathered her wits about her to bid him good afternoon, and hopefully avoid him for the rest of eternity. She rose from her seated position to flee, but he clasped her arm before she could get away.

****

She couldn’t meet his eyes. He gently placed his finger under her chin so he could shift her face to meet his eyes.

****

“Hey Rey, please don’t go. I’m okay - really. Just stay…. just a little bit longer. Maybe we could try again?” His chocolate brown eyes beseeched her.

****

She furrowed her brow in response - he still wanted to kiss her? After what had just happened?

****

“You still want to kiss me, after I was so hopeless at it?” She said incredulously.

****

“Well.. Rey. I remember from the other night, the second kiss, the softer one. You were not hopeless at all, in fact it was rather… wonderful,” he said, a grin pulling at the side of his mouth. “But we don’t have to kiss if you don’t want to. But it does seem like you... do?”

****

Rey stopped still, quite unable to trust her ears. He liked her kiss from the other night? It was a pity the memory of it was still hazy for her. But she did recall being gentle and slow, and working her way up to the connection, rather than crashing through it like a juggernaut.

****

“Okay…,” she said slowly. “Can you show me? I can’t quite remember,” she admitted ruefully. It was also quite awkward to ask to be kissed, she had always assumed that the man just took, and it was up to the woman to decide whether to respond in kind, or to attempt to wriggle from his grasp.

****

He gave a low chuckle. “No, I suppose you would not remember. I would very much love to show you. Can we sit again?”

****

She nodded, allowing him to guide her back to their original sitting position.

****

“Okay,” he said, the timbre of his voice husky. “First, you need to determine the approach needed. So in this case, my lips to yours.” He brushed her mouth with the pad of his thumb, sending a delightful chill coursing through her. It was such a simple gesture, but filled with tenderness. She felt her anxiety leave her a little, her excitement was beginning to overtake her fear.

****

She felt safe in that moment, and she sensed that he would take things slowly with her, that she could trust that he was not going to turn into a human octopus the instant his lips met hers.

****

“Then, just lean in a little, to close the distance. Anticipation is everything.” He brought his face to be mere inches from her. The longing was building fiercely inside her - she could not ever recall feeling more alive than at that moment. She was able to experience her first proper “From Here To Eternity” kiss from the most attractive man she had ever set eyes on.

****

He gently brushed her cheek with his fingers, finally resting them against her face as he tilted her head ever so slightly. “Freckles,” he whispered softly. 

****

Rey had forever been told that her freckles made her unattractive, as to demonstrate that she was different from the genteel girls who were expected to confine their lives to indoor household activities. Men wanted clear, alabaster skin, not lightly golden skin, kissed by a smattering of freckles. But she felt so feminine and beautiful when he caressed her skin and cupped her face.

****

“So,” he said softly. “Now that we know we are lined up to hit our target, we can just let things happen naturally.”

****

Rey was completely spellbound by this stage, there was nothing else that existed on the planet outside of the barn and the man in front of her. The world at that moment was very close, and very intense.

****

She resisted the urge to fling herself at him again, this time allowing him to approach her. His lips gently pressed against hers, then opened to move softly against her mouth. To her surprise, a low guttural moan escaped her throat as she could feel her body throb in response. He pressed a little further, his other hand snaking around her waist to hold her. 

****

She couldn’t remember the last time someone truly held her, and it was as if the floodgates that had been holding back how starved for affection she was burst wide open. The masculine smell of him; the scent of shampoo, soap and something else, overwhelmed her, and she couldn’t help but want to be closer to him, to close the distance between them. He was so tall that even as they both came to meet in the middle there was still far to much space between their bodies for her liking.

****

She slid up onto his thigh, effectively sitting on his lap. Her hands naturally found their way around his neck as she pressed in closer. It was his turn to moan against her mouth now as she pressed up against his chest. She did not want an inch between them to go wanting.

****

He shifted his pelvis away from her just slightly, which confused her for only a moment, until the penny dropped why. She was grateful, yet perplexed. If he truly wanted her, then why was he not trying to paw at her garments and have his way with her? It wasn’t like how the older women she knew had discussed men and their urges at all.

****

By this time, his tongue was gently probing into her mouth, tasting her and exploring her. She understood now why Bazine had said that the tongue was the best part, and she was unable to prevent herself from closing the distance between them again.

She felt as if her response was almost primal in nature, as if she wanted to tear off his shirt and explore the muscles underneath. She growled as she remembered the sight of his body glistening in the sun in the river. She had seen him - and she wanted more.

****

She shifted slightly to press up against him again, and he shuddered in response. 

****

She felt him hard against her thigh, but this time she didn’t freeze or flinch, instead she fell deep into the intensity of it. Energy coursed through her, and there was something else she noticed. 

****

A hot, wet tension between her thighs, that she ached for him to touch with his beautiful large hands. She wanted him to stroke her, to put his hand there, touch her skin to skin and ease the ache. There was an urge, an impulse to do something with it. Something more.

****

That part was overwhelming - that morning she had only been concerned with seeing him at church and now, a mere few hours later she was kissing him and finding it was not nearly enough. 

****

Their kiss intensified, and she was unable to stop herself from seeking more. Rey twisted from her position sitting on his thigh to fully straddle him. She began to run her fingers through his hair as her lips grew hungrier and bolder. She pushed him down against the hay bales behind him and began to grind against him. He was so large, but he allowed her to move him as if he was made of air.

She moaned when his response was to grab her backside and squeeze and knead the muscles. This was a newer sensation all together, satisfying the urge between her legs and intensifying it at the same time. He growled and thrust up against her.

****

It had only taken but a matter of minutes before she had completely lost her mind to passion.

****

Fortunately, Ben still had the presence of mind to pull back and break their kiss, moving his hands to her hips to easily shift her back to his knee again. She was torn between desperately wanting things to progress, and frightened at just how far they had already gone. There was nothing chaste or coy about how she felt when she kissed him. Not at all.

****

She had the sense that her body was overruling her head, and in the end she decided it was absolutely for the best that Ben had put a stop to things.

****

“Let’s, uh, take a break,” he said, his breath ragged and pupils blown. She saw that his mouth was swollen from their kisses, she felt hers probably was too.

****

She nodded mutely in agreement, her own breath stuttering in her chest as they sat up again.

****

Her mind was still a jumble of thoughts when he started to speak.

****

“So, as you can see, when given the proper encouragement, Rey, your technique is quite wonderful,” he said with a wry grin across his face.

****

She blushed, embarrassed and at the same time elated that he thought her technique was good. She guessed that a man like him would have a great deal of experience with such matters. 

****

“Really? Yours is, uh, quite good too. Not that I really know about these things,” she admitted, still a little breathless. She needed him to understand that this was all new to her. 

****

“Ah,” he said. He nodded his understanding, but at the same time did not seem really entirely surprised.

****

They sat silently for a moment, and he threaded his arms around her to bring her closer again. Apparently, it was now safe. She snuggled in against him, inhaling his scent and basking in the feeling of just being held. It was so comforting, and as big as he was at the same time he yielded into her - she had wondered if being held by him would feel like resting up against a brick wall. Surprisingly, while he was certainly hard and muscular it was soft, especially when he began to nuzzle her hair and peppered her forehead with butterfly kisses. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced. 

****

“Rey, we probably need to talk about this. What we need to do to keep this secret,” he said softly.

****

She pulled back to look at him. “Mamma can never know,” she said seriously. She meant it. “Bazine will need to, of course, we have to cover for each other. But not Mamma.”

****

“Well, I would prefer to keep this from my father as well. He wouldn’t approve of such an enticing distraction,” he said sagely. “My father does not mind if I see a girl on a… casual arrangement. But this, with you Rey - it doesn’t feel casual in the slightest.”

****

Rey was confused - he was a grown man - but he wasn’t expected to find a wife? It didn’t make any sense at all. It was also highly unusual that Pastor Han would prefer his son to have many casual flings as opposed to settling down, it was a poor reflection on the Pastor after all. 

****

It seemed as if they were the same - Mamma had no intention for her to marry either, preferring that Rey remained at the farm. But what reason could the Pastor have for Ben - that was the whole point of existence according to the church. To get married, procreate, raise children and the cycle would continue again.

****

She took a little comfort that it didn’t feel casual to him - it was anything but to her.

****

Feeling a little bolder from his words, she ventured a question she was most desperate, but also entirely afraid to pose to him.

****

“Can I ask you a question?” she said.

****

He nodded.

****

Swallowing her apprehension, she pressed on.

****

“What prompted you to write that note? Until an hour ago I didn’t even think you liked me at all.”

****

He shook his head vigorously. 

****

“No, no, no - I like you very much. You fascinate me. You are very beautiful, very sweet and also a little feisty. You remind me of my…someone I used to be very close to. Although, perhaps not quite as feisty as her - but I believe there’s still potential, given the chance,” he said with a low chuckle.

****

It was a different warm glow that spread through her this time. It started in her chest and bloomed outward from there. It was happiness, hope and connection. Like she was beginning to belong to him, and he to her. 

****

“My turn to ask a question,” he said. 

****

“Sure.” She was still a little drunk on their kiss, and on the words that soothed her lonely heart, so she was willing to answer anything he saw fit to ask. Because, in truth she was horribly lonely, despite being surrounded by people. 

****

“Why did  _ you _ accept my invitation? Surely the local men are lined up to the Atlantic to get the chance to ask for your hand?”

****

Rey snorted at the ridiculousness of his statement. The church might very well teach that family includes those who are adopted, but her reality was very different. She was, in effect, a second class citizen, lower on the totem pole that most of the other women in the town - who themselves were lower than the men - who in turn were lower than the deacons, the pastor and the other town officials. She thought herself perhaps only slightly higher than the farm hands, but less useful when it came to hard manual labour.

****

No-one was lining up for her. She was nobody.

****

Ben appeared a little confused by her reaction. She thought it best to explain a little, without going into exactly how bleak her future really was.

****

“Ben, I’m here because I want something for me. I want to be free to choose what I want at least once in my life, before all choice is taken away from me. If I can’t be truly free, at least I can be afforded some happiness.” 

****

He could interpret that any way he pleased. 

****

She took a deep breath, it was time for another leap of faith - although it did occur to her that her next action was not actually a message from God. She had never spoken so boldly before, but she was afraid that if she didn’t, the opportunity would pass her by. Who knew when it would come to pass again, and certainly not with someone that made her feel like he did.

****

“I want to be with you. For as long as you will have me.”

****

It was the most Rey could expect under the circumstances, she told herself, just a little time with him. A brief reprieve from the lonely fate that stretched out before her.

****

Ben smiled, her answer seemed to please him. He held her a little closer again. 

****

His fingers were playing with the hem of her skirt, and it was proving rather distracting. Every so often his fingers would brush her thigh just above her knee, and it sent tingles throughout her body.

****

She could feel the urge for more beginning to rise within her again. She fought it this time. She was pushing her luck as it was.

****

“I need to be getting back, before I am missed,” she said ruefully. She didn’t want to leave in the slightest, but being discovered before things really started was not part of the plan either. 

****

Plus, she did need time to clear her head. It felt like everything was running away from her way faster than she had anticipated.

****

She glanced at his hand at her skirt, he followed her gaze and seemed surprised to discover that that was what his hand was doing. He quickly withdrew it.

****

“When can I see you again?” He asked, his eyes locked on hers as she lifted her gaze to his face again.

****

She thought for a moment. There was the service tonight, could they get away after? Probably not. 

****

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. She would have to ask Bazine for more advice on the when and the how, plus they needed to get their stories straight.

****

“Well, my place is clear after everyone has gone to bed. My father will be out for a while after, and I could beg off ill and stay home?” He suggested.

****

She worried her lip, her body screamed yes, but her mind froze in fear of where it might lead. 

****

Somewhere else in the recesses of her mind it occurred to her that it was also a very odd thing to say - where would his father need to go? But she pushed the thought back a little further, she had the here and the now to tend to.

****

He seemed to sense some of the reason for her hesitation.

****

“We can just talk, get to know each other. I want to know you,” he said softly.

****

_ In the biblical sense _ , was the thought that immediately sprung into Rey’s mind. But she knew he didn’t mean it like that.

****

“Alright,” she responded. “What time?”

****

She couldn’t quite believe how things were unfolding before her. There was something between them. 

****

He liked her.

****

He wanted to get to know her.

****

He was fascinated by her.

****

He thought she was beautiful.

****

And she felt exactly the same.

****

It was beyond anything she could imagine for herself.

****

“Come over, after ten. Come around to the back door and I can let you in.”

****

She nodded. She knew she needed to go, but wasn’t sure of the protocol. She eyed his mouth, wanting to taste it one more time.

****

The corner of his mouth turned upward, and he leaned in to softly kiss her. It was tender, not lustful like before. She felt the warm glow blossom in her chest again.

****

After a short spell Ben slowly broke their kiss, and regretfully she pulled away and stood up. She brushed down her dress, as if to make herself presentable again.

****

“Goodbye,” she said. “I will see you at church tonight, and… later.”

****

“I’m very much looking forward to it,” he smiled.

****

————

****

Later that afternoon when she was using the bathroom, she was shocked to find the inside of her briefs streaked with a creamy substance that had come from… her. 

****

Was she ill?   


Did she get a disease from kissing him?

****

She quickly washed out the offending undergarment under the tap before it could be discovered. To her relief, whatever it was didn’t stain and was rinsed away easily. 

****

She resolved to talk to Bazine about it, and fervently prayed that she didn’t need to discuss it with Mamma or see the local doctor. Because then she would have to confess everything, and Ben would be gone, along with the small amount of freedom she had.

****

She would be branded loose, and die from the shame of it.

****

Or worse. 

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, finally things are heating up. Bring on the SMUT. Well the beginning of smut, she's a little shy ok.  
> Give her time to warm up a little.
> 
> Comments and kudos I LOVE.


	8. Queen of the House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are progressing nicely, with another date for Ben and Rey. Bazine and Rey also have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post Chapter 8 early because this story is on the Reylo Book Club and I am very very fond of this chapter, and I hope you all are too.

_ Up every day at six _

_ Bacon and eggs to fix _

_ Four kids from 1 to 4 _

_ Pretty soon there'll be one more. _

_ I got four floors to wax and scrub _

_ And there's a dirty old ring in the tub _

_ I'll get a maid some day _

_ But, til then, I'm Queen of the House. _

****

Songwriters: Roger Miller, Mary Virginia Taylor

Performed by Jody Miller

****

Rey chose not to join Bazine in the gaggle of friends that gathered outside the church at the conclusion of the service later, in the early evening. 

****

She knew she should care more about being popular. Boys liked popular girls, and if Ben saw her standing alone than perhaps he would realise what an outcast she was. Then he might not think she was so fascinating or beautiful anymore. He might not want to get to know her better.

****

But she found herself unable to muster the energy to pretend to fit in. The day had been too draining as it was, after the morning service, lunch and then meeting with Ben in the barn. She needed time to clear her head, to get space.

****

Luckily Ben was nowhere to be seen.

****

After a short while, Bazine returned to Rey after speaking with the other girls, her face clouded in confusion.

****

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked.

****

Bazine chewed her lip a little in hesitation. 

****

“Well, you remember Linda Anidala?” she said slowly. 

****

Rey blinked, and then nodded. Linda had been a dear friend and her defender in the school yard a couple of years before. Linda had left school early to marry Robert, and had been blessed a year after with the arrival of Nancy and then eighteen months later with the birth of twin boys.

****

Rey assumed her friend must be very happy - certainly not the reason for Bazine’s concern.

****

“Barbara visited her this week. I mean, when Barbara was talking about it, she made it sound like it was almost.. funny. But, Barbara said when she saw her that the house was a disgrace, and the babies were crying but Linda was just… sitting there.” Bazine’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Barbara said she smelt like she had been drinking. When Barbara asked how she was, she said that she didn’t care about anything anymore. That she was  _ bored _ .”

****

Both girls looked at each other, neither knowing what to say or how to put their feelings into words.

****

Why was it, if Linda had everything, that she felt so empty?

****

Anything that might have been shared between them was quickly lost as Mamma bustled up to the two of them.

****

“Time to go,” she said briskly.

****

Mamma was too busy discussing engagement plans for Bazine and Armitage to notice that neither girl spoke during the car ride home.

****

____________

****

Bazine and Rey were meant to be getting ready for bed. But, of course, neither was.

****

They just needed to wait a little longer, until the sleeping pills kicked in. After the death of her husband, the doctor had prescribed Valium to help Mamma rest during such a difficult time. It was unfortunate for Mamma that she had needed to take them ever since.

****

But not for the girls. It was an added layer of security that their late night dalliances would not be detected.

****

It was nine-thirty, and in a short while Rey would be sneaking out to spend time with Ben. She sat at the edge of her bed, nervously plucking at the blanket. She was still dressed, and Bazine hadn’t yet noticed she wasn’t in her night clothes.

****

Bazine was putting the final touches to her hair at her dresser, when she noticed Rey in the mirror.

****

“Rey… why aren’t you ready for bed?” she asked curiously, putting down her hair brush.

****

Rey blushed, looking at the floor. 

****

Bazine spun around to face her. 

****

“I knew it!” she exclaimed. “You’re going to meet Ben, aren’t you?”

****

Rey stared at the floor a little harder. She was desperate to talk to Bazine, but she just couldn’t find the words.

****

Bazine leapt across the room to sit next to Rey on the bed.

****

“Are you.. Have you?” she asked excitedly.

****

Rey quickly shook her head. “No, no, no.” 

****

The very idea of it was overwhelming.

****

“But you have, you are…?” Bazine was clearly desperate for details.

****

“Well, we kissed the other night, while you were… with Poe. But he didn’t.. Well he didn’t want to go further because I was, well… lit.”

****

Bazine nodded. “You know, some guys would have taken advantage. But Ben doesn’t seem like that. Clearly, he’s a man. Very much so. But Rey, when he carried you home the other night, the way he looked at you. The way he took care of you. Well, I have to say, I was a little jealous.”

****

Rey furrowed her brow in confusion.

****

“But Poe loves you!” She said.

****

Bazine smiled. “Yes, he does, and I love Poe with all my heart. But there is something else there between the two of you. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.”

****

Rey considered for a moment what Bazine had said, it never occurred to her that perhaps what she and Ben had was anything out of the ordinary.

****

“Bazine, how did you know? When the time was right, with Poe?”

****

Bazine tilted her head to the side.

****

“It just happened. We just kissed for a while, then other things, and then… I wanted more.”

****

Rey was desperate to know more. She felt it in her bones, where things were headed with Ben. And the consequences thrilled, yet terrified her.

****

She pressed on.

****

“You don’t regret it? I mean, Armitage would be furious if he found out. Your reputation would be ruined. You couldn’t stay here.”

****

Bazine nodded in agreement and then shrugged.

****

“I know. But I don’t regret it. I love him, and it feels right - even though others would say it’s so wrong. I don’t know any other way to be with Poe, and one day I will be married to Armitage and all I will have is this time. I won’t ever love Armitage. The thought of him touching me…. makes me want to….”

****

Bazine fell silent, unable to finish the sentence. She sat thoughtfully and finally said, “I’m so scared. Scared I will become like Linda. Dead inside.”

****

The same thought had occurred to Rey, too.

****

“It’s wrong what Mamma wants you to do. You deserve more. When she goes, I don’t think I can protect you. Armitage wouldn't have you in the house, I’m sure of it. I’m sorry.”

****

Rey knew that, too.

****

Rey threaded her arms around Bazine’s waist, bringing her in close. The heavy sigh Bazine let out against her shoulder was enough.

****

The two girls sat in the moment for a little while, pondering their future. 

****

As Rey stroked Bazine’s hair, another thought entered her mind.

****

“Does Poe know, about Armitage?”

****

Bazine’s body stiffened in her arms.

****

“Yes. He asked me to marry him instead.” She said in a hushed tone.

****

Rey’s jaw dropped in shock. 

****

“He wants to marry you?” She whispered. It was something that just couldn’t be said in earshot of anyone.

****

Especially Mamma.

****

Bazine nodded sadly.

****

“What are you going to do?” Rey said softly.

****

“I don’t know,” Bazine said, her voice heavy with emotion. “I can’t have what my heart desires. Mamma would never accept Poe. He has nothing, he doesn’t come from the right family. He certainly couldn’t run the farm. I mean, he’s a hard worker, but when it comes to ambition….” Her voice trailed away, deep in thought.

****

Rey’s heart was heavy for her sister. Whether it was Armitage for Bazine, or like for her, no husband at all, it was not a choice either of them made freely.

****

The time for her to go was close, and she was desperate to get an answer to the discovery she had made after her kiss with Ben.

****

“Bazine… there is one more thing.”

****

Bazine lifted her head to look at Rey, her eyes rimmed red. Rey tenderly stroked her face before pressing on.

****

“I met with Ben today. After lunch, in the barn behind the orchard.”

****

Bazine’s eyes lit up at the news, her sad expression leaving her immediately.

****

“Really - so you did more?” she asked eagerly. 

****

“No, just kissing, but really… um… intense kissing.” She blushed from the memory of it.

****

“Kissing is nice. Did you like it?” Bazine asked.

****

“Yes, I liked it very, very much. Maybe too much?”

****

Bazine scoffed. “You can’t like kissing too much. I bet Ben is a good kisser.”

****

Rey nodded vigorously.

****

She couldn’t look at Bazine as she spoke her next words.

****

“Bazine, after the kissing, later on... I found… stuff. In my underpants,” she wanted to die from the shameful thing she was saying, but she didn’t feel that she had any other choice.

****

“Stuff?” Bazine said, her brow furrowed in confusion.

****

Rey squeezed her eyes shut as she continued. “Wet…stuff.”

****

Bazine smiled as the penny dropped for her.

****

“Oh, that means that you really liked it. That it was good.”

****

“Does that mean that I… is that what it is like with Poe? That’s it?” Rey asked. 

****

Bazine laughed softly. “No… I think if it had been like it is with Poe, you would know. That stuff is like the beginning of it. It makes things slippery, so that the man can, well, you know, slide in and out more easily.”

****

Rey clutched her face in her hands, and she could feel her cheeks burning at the idea her body could respond in such a way. She felt like she was loose, or easy. 

****

Nice girls didn’t do things like that.

****

Bazine gently took Rey’s hands from her face and bought her forehead in to rest against Rey’s.

****

“Don’t think like that. They tell us it’s sinful - but it’s not. It’s natural. It’s good, and nothing to be ashamed of.” 

****

Rey felt the shame ease a little, it was a relief to hear it, even though it went against everything school, the church and Mamma had taught her.

****

But she was going anyway. 

****

______

****

Ten minutes later, Rey and Bazine were creeping past Mamma’s bedroom door. They could hear her snoring loudly behind it.

****

They both giggled softly. It was a most unladylike sound.

****

As they headed down the porch and down to the main drive they giggled a little more. Bazine opened the gate with a flourish, inviting Rey to pass through first. With a dramatic swish of her skirt she passed through it, which made both girls laugh harder.

****

They stood in the centre of the drive, the darkness providing the cover needed. It was a typical Georgia evening, balmy and humid.

****

Rey could make out the lights burning at the caretakers cottage, where Ben was waiting for her, while Bazine would take the path down to the orchard where Poe was waiting to whisk her away to an unknown private location.

****

“Good night Rey,” said Bazine softly. The night breeze ruffled her hair, and she tucked a loose tendril behind her ear. “I know I said it wasn’t wrong… but it needs to be right, too. You don’t need to rush anything. Ben will wait, if he’s the right one.”

****

Rey nodded, and the girls gave each other a quick embrace before parting ways.

****

The loose stones under her feet seemed so loud, and with each footstep the unnerving mix of excitement and fear began to build. 

****

She would be alone with him.

****

In his home.

****

Her stomach made the familiar twist again. She promised herself she wouldn't go too far, that she wouldn't get carried away.

****

She hoped she could keep it.

****

As instructed, she went around and knocked softly on the back door that led into the kitchen. She was a bundle of nerves at this stage, and when he opened the door and smiled at her she could only meet his eyes for the briefest of moments before she had to avert her gaze. Her heart thudded in her chest at the sight of him.

****

He was simply the most attractive man she had ever met, and as per usual she found all the good intentions she had primed herself blow away as if carried away on the night breeze.

****

She brushed past him, relieved that he allowed her entry without trying for affection.

****

He shut and locked the door behind him, making sure the chain was secure.

****

“Where is your father tonight?” she asked.

****

He blanched a little at the question. “Business matters out of town, he won’t be back until very, very late. Or very, very early depending on your reference point,” he said, snorting a little. “In any case, we don’t need to worry about being interrupted for a while yet.”

****

She froze at his words, it felt to her as if laden with potential. He seemed to sense her anxiety, smiling to ease her trepidation.

****

He hesitated for a moment, and nervously carded his hand through his hair. “Rey, please don’t worry. I really just want to get to know you. I mean, I do want to do more, but let's take it slowly.”

****

“Ok,” she said, finally being able to meet his gaze. A smile broke out across his face, and she couldn’t help but respond the same. 

****

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked, then he caught himself for a moment. “Water or juice,” he added quickly.

****

“No thank you,” she said. She didn’t trust herself to handle anything right now without disaster.

****

“Well then, maybe we could go to the sitting room? Listen to some records?” he suggested.

****

“Yes,” she nodded. That sounded like a blast.

****

As she entered the room she smiled at the piles of records on the floor, he certainly had a great deal of them.

****

He grabbed her hand and led her to the edge of the piles. ‘So, I ah, didn't know what music you liked, so I organised them into groupings, by genres. So you could pick.”

****

She looked at the records, a little overwhelmed. She really didn’t get the chance to listen to music much. Mamma certainly wouldn’t allow such a thing in the house. She couldn’t recognise the bands, but she could tell they were current. 

****

How on earth did Ben keep these in the house without his father knowing? 

****

“So, there’s rock over here, then we have motown, soul, and um, pop.”

****

She had no idea.

****

“You choose, whatever you think is best,” she said. She remembered the girls at school discussing how to get a boy to like you - it was important to show an interest in the things he was interested in. So, then he would see how compatible you were to him.

****

Ben shook his head. “No, I insist. These are my records, so I like all of it. It’s cheating.”

****

She bit her lip as she looked through the stacks. She was so afraid to make a choice that would reveal how unworldly she was.

****

She picked up a record from the Beach Boys, she was relatively sure she had heard of them before. Plus, the album cover had the band surrounded by farm animals. So she figured that choice was as good as any.

****

“This one,” she said, handing it to him.

****

He smiled as he took it from her and released the record from it’s sleeve. “This one is one of my favourites. Excellent.”

****

She felt warm and glowing inside at making the right choice.

****

He set up the record on the player and lowered the needle.

****

As the opening bars of the song played, Rey closed her eyes and was immediately transported by the melody.

****

_ Wouldn't it be nice if we were older _

_ Then we wouldn't have to wait so long _

_ And wouldn't it be nice to live together _

_ In the kind of world where we belong _

_ You know it's gonna make it that much better _

_ When we can say goodnight and stay together _

She could feel her cheeks flush, she had no idea that the song was so suggestive. But it was also beautiful, and spoke to a longing that she was all too familiar with. Of wanting to grow up and be free and in charge of her life, but to still be young and not burdened by responsibility.

****

She opened her eyes to find Ben gazing at her, that goofy grin plastered across his face. 

****

“You like it?” he asked.

****

She nodded. “It’s wonderful. But I have to ask, what does your father think of your music? Surely he disapproves?”

****

Ben tilted his head to the side and rolled his lips, and she felt a flutter in her stomach in response.

****

“We don’t discuss it,” he said simply. She thought it was an odd response, but perhaps Pastor Han had a different view of things when it came to his son.

****

As the next track on the record began to play she began to sift through other records, and she was fascinated by how eclectic the collection was.

****

“Where did you get all these from? There are so many.”

****

“Well, we tend to move around a bit, so I like to experience the music from that area. So, this album I bought when we were a little further south, near the beach. I was sad to leave there. Although, maybe now I don’t think it was such a bad thing,” he grinned at her again, and she melted.

****

He scooted a little closer to her, their shoulders almost touching. 

****

He cleared his throat, “I would very much like it, Rey, if I could hold you. Just hold you, no funny business, I swear,” he said.

****

She nodded, moving into the space he made with his limbs so she could rest her back against his, and he wrapped himself around her. She sank against him, and yes, there was certainly the familiar throb, but mainly it was just comforting.

****

It felt safe and secure. A feeling she did not experience that often.

****

“Tell me about some of the others,” she said, as she snuggled into him a little more.

****

He picked up another from the pile.

****

“So, this one was recorded live at Folsom Prison in California.”

****

“You lived in California?” she asked. It was so far away.

****

“For a little while. It was fun, the weather was nice.” He nuzzled her hair absentmindedly.

****

“You know, you are awfully good at asking questions,” he purred against her ear. “I might like to ask some questions of you. Could we do that? But the rules are you have to answer really fast, you can’t think about it.”

****

“Okay,” she giggled. She was like putty in his hands.

****

“What’s your favourite novel?” he began.

****

She snorted, he already knew the answer to that question.

****

“Little Women,” she said.

****

He grinned at her response, it seemed to please him.

****

“What is your favourite ice cream flavour?” he asked.

****

“That’s easy, chocolate. These questions aren’t very difficult.”

****

“Favourite season?”

****

She thought for a moment. “Spring, I think - the baby animals are very sweet.” This game was far easier than she thought. It was certainly becoming easier to talk to him. 

****

“You are very sweet,” he said softly. It sent a warm flush coursing through her.

****

He continued.

****

“Favorite color?”

****

“Blue.” 

****

“Favourite toy from your childhood?”

****

She faltered for a moment, because she didn’t know the answer.

****

“I don’t know. Nothing came with me when I was sent to the orphanage, so I couldn’t say,” she shrugged.

****

She felt him stiffen against her.

****

“Rey, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive,” he said quickly.

****

“It’s okay, Ben, you can ask me about my adoption,” she said. It was common knowledge, and it felt safe to talk to him about it. The only time she was ever really able to discuss her past was in relation to how it meant she was less of a person. She didn’t think Ben would do that.

****

She felt the tension ease in him a little.

****

“Alright then. Were you always with the Khai’s?”

****

“No, I came to them when I was eight. I had been at the orphanage for around four years by that stage,” she said.

****

His arms gripped her a little tighter. 

****

“What was the orphanage like?”

****

She thought for a moment before responding.

****

“I don’t really remember it that much, just that I was glad to leave. And grey - I remember so much grey. Grey walls, grey clothes, grey food. Then when I came here, there was so much colour and life. It was a whole new world.”

****

“I’m sorry, Rey.” He sighed against her. “Do you remember your parents?” he said softly, his hand was softly stroking her hip, and if she hadn’t been discussing such as difficult topic she was sure she would have been having a stronger physical reaction, but instead she just felt comforted.

****

“No,” she said ruefully. “I wish I did, but I was so young. All I know was that a man dropped me off at the orphanage after my parents died. But I don’t know anything else, and my adoption records are sealed. Just one memory would be enough, I think, to make it a bit easier. But… it’s impossible.”

****

She went quiet after that, it had been years since she had spoken about her birth parents. Usually, she pushed it to one side. Mamma didn’t think it was important because, of course, her place was at the farm, and really - she should just be grateful that the Khai’s had taken her in.

****

Which she was - undoubtedly. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t wonder who they were and what happened to them. What they were like. And if they had loved her.

****

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said quietly. 

****

“Sure, thank you for listening,” she replied.

****

They sat in companionable silence for a time, with Rey wrapped tightly in Ben’s arms. 

****

After a while, his strokes became a little longer and his breath began to take on a more ragged quality than it had before. She nuzzled her head against his neck, the heat beginning to stoke in her again as the heavy feelings melted away under his touch. 

****

“Ben,” she said slowly.

****

“Yes sweetheart?” he said thickly. 

****

She could feel the energy pulsing between them. 

****

“I know you said no funny business, but, do you think a little bit of funny business would be okay?”

****

“I guess, just a little bit of funny business could be ok,” he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

****

“It wouldn’t even have to be that funny, perhaps a mild chuckle or something along those lines,” she said with just a hint of cheekiness.

****

“A guffaw at most,” he agreed.

****

She twisted slightly to face him, and threaded her hands around his neck, bringing his lips to hers.

****

He sighed into her mouth, as if a tension had been released as he sank into their embrace. His lips were soft and gentle, slowly moving against hers. It was different to their previous kisses, there was still a hunger there to be sure, but he knew her a little better, and he seemed to like her more because of it. She wanted to be physically intimate with him, to match the way she was feeling for him in her heart.

****

He broke their kiss and shifted her around so he could lay her out on the floor. He rested on his side next to her, and as he hovered above her she tugged his neck to bring him close. His lips were a little more demanding this time as his tongue began to probe her mouth, causing her to moan against him. Her body arched up to be closer to him, but he was still so far away. She slid her hands down to circle his back, drawing him to her.

****

As his chest pressed against her breasts the growl that came from his throat was bordering on obscene. She liked it, the ability to draw such a reaction from him. His hands had started to run along the sides of her body, and it was like fire trailed his fingertips. He rolled his hips towards her and she squealed as she came into contact with his male hardness at her hip.

****

She felt him hesitate and pull away, but she was having none of it. She rolled his hip back to hers, causing his breath to hitch softly.

****

“Rey,” he moaned against her mouth, his hands gently caressing her face. She sank into the floor a little more completely as she fell under the spell of his touch. “You are driving me crazy, you are so beautiful.”

****

It thrilled her to hear him talk about her like that, to voice his desire.

****

He began to trail a thread of kisses down to her collar bone, and his hand rested on her rib cage, softly caressing the underside of her breast with his thumb. It sent a delicious shiver down her spine, and she wanted more.

****

“Is this okay?” he asked, his lips at the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

****

“Yes,” she replied. “Very much.”

****

She lifted her hands to her chest, and slowly undid the top three buttons on her shirtwaister. Her hands were calm as she worked her dress open.

****

He lifted his head to watch her - his eyes following each release. As each hint of soft skin became a little more, he worried his lip.

****

She took the hand that still rested on her rib cage and threaded it under her dress, his hand completely covering her breast. They both took in a deep breath, knowing a line had been crossed, and they were both headed for a particular destination. 

****

He used his thumb to caress her softly, and she was sure he could feel her heartbeat thrumming one hundred miles an hour under his palm.

****

He squeezed his hand gently against her breast, causing her to gasp. “Your skin is so soft,” he said quietly. “It’s heavenly.”

****

He bent down to kiss her again, and this time his lips were a little more insistent, his tongue probing a little deeper. A warm tingle danced through her veins as she threaded her hands through his hair, responding with equal intensity.

****

He was still pressed hard against her hip, and the proximity of him was electrifying. She thought she should be scandalised or shocked at his current state, but instead it felt good.

****

She knew that he wanted her, and at the same time he was not pressuring her or trying to maul her. It felt safe.

****

She felt as if the longing deep inside her had been soothed a little. It was a surprise, because in her life, save for her discussions with Bazine, the idea of a woman’s pleasure never really entered into it. It was a duty to be borne, not an activity to be enjoyed.

****

Even with her talks with Bazine, for which she was truly grateful, the intimacy and connectedness was not really discussed. It was more the carnal pleasure that Poe afforded her that was the main focus.

****

This was something else quite unexpected, and it filled something inside her that she hadn’t been aware was empty. The space had always been there, so it was the absence of it that felt strange.

****

She tugged on his hair just a little, and he rocked against her hip in response as he groaned. The temptation was just too much, and so she repeated the action, this time canting to meet his thrust.

****

He stuttered as she met him, and his kiss deepened in intensity. She whimpered in frustration for his kisses, and his hand gently palming her breast, was not enough anymore. 

****

She felt her thighs part, as if to welcome him to bury himself there. Her core throbbed with the need for more, and she longed for him to move there and soothe the burning ache between her legs. She felt the urge to beg him to show her what pleasure there was to be had there.

****

He moved his hand to brush her nipple with the tips of his fingers, and quite suddenly it became all too much for her, and she froze under his touch. The desire was still very much present, but confusion had also made itself known and she didn’t know which path to take. She lay there, rigid with indecision, almost unable to breathe. Her mind was filled with conflicting thoughts, and she couldn’t find a way through it.

****

He made the decision for the both of them, careful removing his hand and lifting his body away from her just slightly. He still held her, but his own arousal was no longer pressed against her hip bone.

****

As much as she regretted the loss of his touch, at the same time she was very grateful that he had responded so quickly.

****

As she stared up at him, all she saw kindness, understanding and patience- as well as the lingering heat from their embrace.

****

“I’m sorry,” she said, catching her breath. Mamma had also impressed upon her how important it was not to be a tease or to lead a boy - or in this case a man - on. That it was almost as heinous a crime as the act itself, for it could cause irreparable damage to their equipment.

****

“No no,” he said softly. “Don’t be sorry. Everything is fine.”

****

“You are not uncomfortable?” Her brow knit together in confusion.

****

“Oh, I didn’t say that,” he chuckled. “But I will address that later.”

****

“Rey, I want to be with you. I want all of you, but there’s no rush. We can take our time and explore each other. Try out some different things if you desire.” He paused. “I guess we broke the no funny business rule,” he said ruefully.

****

She smiled back. It seemed that he wasn’t put out at all that she had frozen still. 

****

“Yes, we did,” she replied. 

****

“Are you ok?” He asked, concern flashing across his face.

****

“I’m fine, Ben, really. It’s probably time for me to be heading back.” 

****

He nodded, helping her to her feet. He held her hand as he walked her to the door. As he held it open she reached up on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on his lips. 

****

“When can I see you next?” He asked. “My father will be back tomorrow night.”

****

“Well, we could meet in the barn again? If you could sneak out?”

****

The idea that a fully grown man like Ben would need to sneak out to meet a girl because of his father was ludicrous. Unless, of course, your father was the town Pastor.

****

“It’s a date,” he said, displaying his trademark crooked smile.

****

“Night Ben.”

****

“Night Rey. Sweet Dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week.... Baby chicks time. Ben Solo holding baby chicks in his big meaty hands. Who could resist?
> 
> Love comments and kudos so THANK YOU.


	9. Baby I Need Your Loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times have arrived! I think that captures things quite well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to our most wonderful beta [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife). 
> 
> Thank you to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) made me my new amazing moodboard! I love it thank you.

_Although you're never near_

_Your voice I often hear_

_Another day, another night_

_I long to hold you tight_

_Cause I'm so lonely_

****

Performed by the Four Tops

Songwriters: Brian Holland Jr, Edward Holland, Edward Holland Jr, Lamont Dozier, Lamont Herbert Dozier

****

She slept very well that night, dreaming of beaches and kisses and music. She didn’t hear Bazine get in either - but it was quite a bit later than her.

****

Lack of sleep was most likely the contributing factor to the row the next morning.

****

Bazine refused to wear the Hux family engagement ring - something which infuriated her mother. The offending item sat before Bazine at the dining room table, the diamonds glinting in the mid morning sun that streamed in through the windows.

****

“Bazine Khai! You will wear that ring, you will marry Armitage Hux, and you will be grateful that such a man and such a family would welcome you. This is your ticket to security. Don’t you see?” 

****

Bazine, her eyes rimmed red and her chest wracked with hiccups from her emotional outburst, implored her mother once again.

****

“Please Momma. Please!” she held her head in her hands as she sat at the table. “Don’t make me do this. I can’t love him.”

****

Mamma, on her way to run errands, continued to don her coat and hat.

“Love, my darling, does not take care of the farm, pay the bills or keep you secure. You must be practical in these matters.”

****

Mamma placed her handbag on her arm.

****

“I will be back in two hours, and by that time you will have that ring on your finger - or I will send you to your aunt’s until you come to your senses.”

****

“No!” Bazine exclaimed, her eyes wide with shock.

****

Mamma decided the time to take her leave had come, closing the front door behind her with a definitive bang.

****

Bazine looked at Rey in terror.

****

“I’ll die if I have to be apart from Poe,” she whispered, her voice wavering as she spoke.

****

She sat in silence for several minutes, staring forlornly at the ring. With a heavy sigh she placed it on her left ring finger. She dropped her hand to the table with a thud, looking at it blankly.

****

“Really?” Rey said with a frown.

****

“I can’t bear to be sent away,” Bazine responded with a dejected shrug. She then rose up from her chair. Rey heard her walk up the stairs slowly, as if the weight of her decision dragged her as much physically as it did emotionally.

****

__________________________

****

As much as Rey wanted to comfort her sister, there were still chores that must be attended to first if she was to avoid Mamma’s ire for herself. 

****

From the long list of daily tasks she had to complete, taking care of the day old chicks was her favourite. She enjoyed taking care of such fragile, vulnerable creatures - plus they were very sweet and soft.

****

The first sign of trouble as she entered the small private barn that lay close to the house was the noise the chicks were making in their brooding box - panicked little cheeps to alert the hens to their peril. To her horror she saw the heat lamp had blown in the night, and now the chicks were far too cold and at risk of hypothermia - if some had not already perished.

****

She rushed to the box, and as expected, she found a noisy pile of chicks huddled together for warmth - but to her utter dismay she could see there were two outside the group that were still and unresponsive. She scooped them up in her hands to use her body warmth, blowing on them in a desperate attempt to revive them, but she was trapped between saving the near gone chicks and replacing the bulb to protect the rest of the brood.

****

Without thinking she rushed outside to find the nearest person to help her, and she briefly considered going back up to the house to fetch Bazine - but there was no time.

****

She ran down the pathway that led to the main driveway, blowing and huffing on the pair of chicks as she went. She was equal parts eerily calm and desperate - she couldn’t bear the idea of one single chick perishing - but she knew she needed her wits about her in order to prevent disaster.

****

To her relief she saw Ben heading out from the cottage, in the white henley shirt and canvas pants he wore while working on the farm.

****

As usual, he took her breath away - but she also knew there was no time for lasciviousness. 

****

“Ben!” she cried out. “Ben, please come quickly! I need you!” 

****

His head quickly swung in her direction, and he immediately dropped his bag and ran over - his eyes wild with concern.

****

“Rey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he said, his hands gripping her arms.

****

“Hold out your hands, Ben!”

****

His brow knit in confusion.

****

“Now, Ben!” she ordered.

****

He held out his hands, cupping them together. She gently placed the two chicks into them. His eyes widened in surprise, clearly this was not what he was expecting. 

****

“Breathe on them to keep them warm while I fix the heat lamp,” she instructed. “Follow me.”

****

Bewildered as he was, she was relieved when he trailed after her as she ran back to the barn.

****

Once back inside she quickly checked on the other chicks to make sure no others had suffered a similar fate in the meantime, then immediately set about sourcing the replacement bulb.

****

Ben continued to blow on the chicks in his hand, watching her every move.

****

Rey was intent on repairing the bulb, at one moment leading him to another section of the barn when he got in the way.

****

Reassurance flooded through her as the fresh lamp began to glow, and the remaining brood quickly flocked to its increasing warmth. She then took Ben by the arm, careful not to disturb the chicks in his hand. She moved his hand close to the heat, watching anxiously for signs of life.

****

She worried her bottom lip as she waited, then glanced at Ben.

****

“Just wait, Rey,” he said soothingly. “We’ve done all we can, now we just need to wait.”

****

She nodded, failing to notice her hand still resting tightly on his arm.

****

Slowly but surely, the two chicks in his hand began to return to life again. She placed her other hand across her mouth as tears of relief welled in her eyes. Within minutes they were up and chirping in his hands, a little worse for wear - but out of danger. 

****

“See, you saved them,” he said softly.

****

Rey looked at her hand on his arm, to the chicks resting happily in his palms, then up to his grinning face. Now that the emergency had passed, her usual state of arousal in his presence returned, heightened by the care he was showing two helpless baby chickens.

****

She cleared her throat.

****

“You can put the chicks down now,” she said huskily.

****

“Are you sure?” he asked.

****

“Put them down, Ben.” She squeezed his arm a little harder to signal her intent.

****

“Yes, ma’am,” he said thickly. He understood her intent.

****

He carefully placed the chicks back in the brooding box, and they both waited a moment to see how the little birds would fare. They joined the rest of the group quite contentedly now that the heat had returned.

****

She slid her hand up his arm to cup his face, pulling him towards her. They both groaned as their lips met, and while kissing Ben was beginning to feel more familiar, there was still the excitement that more was to come.

****

Not wanting to waste time, she pulled his hands up her body to cup her breasts, and she moaned as he began to squeeze and stroke them. She grunted in frustration, because it wasn’t nearly enough.

****

She broke the kiss and quickly scanned the barn, spotting a row of hay bales lined up against the wall. She led him over to them and pointed. 

****

“Lie down,” she instructed. 

****

He momentarily raised his eyebrows in surprise, but thought better than to say something, instead acquiescing to her instructions.

****

As soon as he lay down she was upon him, her arms on either side of his head as she plyed him with a feverish kiss.

****

She didn’t understand it, but something inside her had snapped as she had tended to the chicks, and seeing the way he allowed her to take the lead and to care for something that was important to _her_. This was the only way she could see to express how she felt - and it seemed natural and right.

****

His hands were in her hair, threading through her ponytail to pull it loose. It became a curtain, shutting out the world, leaving only the two of them. Their tongues danced together as they moaned into each others mouths, filling the small space in the barn.

****

The baby chicks had all fallen asleep after their ordeal and were blessedly quiet.

****

Her legs were draped on either side of the hay bale as she straddled him, her feet firmly planted on the ground. She pressed against his hardness. She knew it would be there, and she desperately wanted to see how it felt against her own throbbing core. 

****

They both groaned as she ground against him. It was nothing like she had ever experienced. She wondered how such a thing could possibly be considered wrong.

****

His hands gripped her backside as she writhed against him. The most glorious sensation began to course through her, like a hot, warm pulsing light that radiated from between her thighs and spread out across her. Ben thrust up against her, and she shuddered. It was exquisite.

****

His hands helped her hips to find a steady rhythm - she didn't quite understand what was happening, but it was as if an intense pressure was building in her, as if she might explode from it.

****

“What is this?” she groaned. 

****

“Just go with it sweetheart, it will all make sense really soon,” he huffed, moving her hips to cant a little faster.

****

“Alright,” she stuttered.

****

“Can I,” he growled, “just adjust the way you are on me? I want to show you something.” he asked.

****

“Alright,” she rasped - it was as if the ability to form full sentences had left her entirely.

****

“Sit up a bit,” he instructed. As she complied, he pulled her skirts out from between them.

****

Now there was nothing between them but the thin material of her underwear and his pants. He was so hard and big beneath her, and a part of her wanted nothing more than to have him inside her.

****

He pushed her down a little, so the top of her pelvis was pressed upon him. She keened as the most sensitive part of her met his hardness, and she could feel how wet her panties were against him. She began to move along his length, gasping as she went.

****

She looked at him, and was about to kiss him when he uttered something that made her swoon so badly she was dizzy from it.

****

“Rey,” he rasped. “Can I undo my pants? I will leave my undergarments on, but,” he paused to groan mid sentence as she moved faster. He gathered his thoughts again. “But, I really want to be close to you, to feel you more. Can I do that, please?” He was almost needy in the way he spoke, as it she was driving him absolutely out of his mind with lust.

****

There was no slightly unreadable, aloof but devastatingly handsome man underneath her.

****

Instead, there was a man who was just as consumed by her as she was by him.

****

She couldn’t speak - she could only nod her head furiously.

****

She planted her feet firmly on the ground and lifted herself a little. As he undid his pants and pushed them down his hips she squealed as his hands accidentally brushed her.

****

“Jesus, sorry. Rey, you are so wet,” he growled. “You are truly something else.” With one hand he pulled her down against him again, the other threading through her hair around the back of her neck to pull her into a crushing kiss. She met him eagerly, and she cried out as she felt him so close, just the thin material of their underwear between them. She felt his own damp heat as she writhed along him.

****

His thrusts began to meet her glides, and Rey felt whatever was happening inside her switch into overdrive. She ground down as hard as she could, her hips canting and rolling along him.

****

It was as if she was possessed by a hunger and need that was primal in nature, her body moving and responding on its own accord. Each movement pushed the feeling higher and higher. He seemed to grow harder the more excited she was, and their moans filled the small barn, broken only by hot feverish kisses

****

When he moved a hand from her hip to cup around underneath her, to press up into her through her underwear and to use it to move her along him, whatever it was she was chasing became unbearable, and she snapped, screaming as wave after wave of pure pleasure overlook her. Her entire body went rigid with spasms that she had no ability to control.

****

He had the presence to press her down further into their kiss so his mouth could muffle her sounds - the barn was private enough but there was still the risk of getting caught.

****

Just as she was about to hit her peak, so did he - the groans coming deep from his throat were the most beautiful sounds she had ever heard - and it was because of her that he made them. His thrusts became erratic and shuddering, his convulsions jolting her as she lay on top of him. 

****

It was filthy, wonderous and exciting.

****

She collapsed on him, his breathing just as ragged as hers as she buried her face into his neck. She inhaled him, and felt the slight dampness of his skin. All she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and have him hold her.

****

He seemed similarly paralysed. 

****

They lay together, drinking in the moment they had just shared. Rey was trying to piece it together in her mind, what it was that happened between them - and what she had just experienced. 

****

Her brow furrowed as she felt an additional dampness along her thighs and on the crotch of her panties, and her eyes grew large as she realised what it was.

****

“Ben, you.. on me..” she stammered.

****

“Sweetheart, you should probably take them off, just in case.” he said, his own fugue lifting as he understood her predicament.

****

The idea of removing her underwear in his presence scandalised her.

****

“I couldn’t!” she exclaimed.

****

“Baby, you need to,” he replied softly. “It’s alright, I won’t look.” 

****

He dutifully closed his eyes as she stood up to shimmy the offending undergarment off. Once in her hand, all she wanted to do was rinse the evidence away.

****

When she snuck a glance down at the damp bloom on his underpants she had a change of heart.

****

As her eyes returned to his face, she saw him gaze up at her, then lift his arms to beckon her to him. 

****

“Please,” he said with a smile. “Hang loose with me, just for a moment.”

****

She lay down upon him again, ensuring her skirt provided appropriate coverage for her nakedness underneath. She sighed contentedly as he wrapped himself around her, her hands on his chest. His heartbeat thrummed like a drum underneath her.

****

“Far out,” he said quietly.

****

“Yes, far out,” she agreed.

****

They were silent together for another moment.

****

“Was that…did I….?” she asked.

****

“Did you climax? Yes, I think you did. It certainly sounded like you did,” he replied. She could hear the smile in his voice.

****

“I haven’t done that before,” she admitted. She half wanted to bury her face into his chest, but resisted the urge. She didn’t want to run from this.

****

The fact was, she wanted more.

****

He spoke slowly. “Would you like to do that again?” 

****

She startled a little. 

****

“No, no, no,” he said quickly. “Not now… I mean, unless you want to? I think you probably could. But later. Again. Soon. Very soon. But not now. Unless you want to?” 

****

She smiled as he stumbled over his words.

****

“I need to get back to my chores. But later, like we planned? I would like that very much.” She felt a boldness within her - almost like the women in his magazines. 

****

He nodded in furious agreement, then smiled ruefully.

****

“I should go and clean up. Can’t exactly turn up to Canady like this, he would definitely notice. Mind you, he’s going to take it out of my hide for returning so late from lunch break.”

****

Mr. Canady was not known for his oblivious or forgiving nature. In fact, the man usually saw too much - Bazine and Poe were always having to watch out for him.

****

“Rey, sweetheart, this is not exactly how I saw this unfold… but you were amazing. I’m happy that we shared this moment.”

****

“Me too,” she nodded. She felt contented and safe. Like a soft blanket of happiness enveloped her, and a warm glow within.

****

It was ever so difficult to tear herself away from his arms, but the clock was ticking until Mamma’s return, and she was in no state to be seen.

****

“Meet me tonight, down by the dock. At ten o’clock,” he said.

****

“I will,” she said, threading her arms around his neck to give him one last kiss.

****

It didn’t make leaving him any easier - in fact it made it worse as she felt herself melt into him again.

****

As she walked back to the house, her underwear wadded up in a ball in her fist, she thought about what had just occurred.

****

Now she knew exactly what it was the Bazine was feeling when she was with Poe - and she understood how it was like a narcotic.

****

No wonder Bazine could not bear to be apart from Poe.

****

__________________

****

Hours later, she made her way down to the dock, the small lantern she carried lighting the way - although the path was so familiar to her that she thought she could have done it by memory. 

****

She thought she possibly could have floated down to their meeting point. She had spent the rest of the day on a cloud, running the events in the barn through her head over and over again.

****

The way they had connected. The way he had taken care of her. The way he knew what to do, and how strongly her body had responded.

****

She couldn’t return back to her old way of thinking - of believing passion was something in books kept under lock and key at the town library.

****

Her body did that - it was capable of experiencing mind altering pleasure. 

****

She had kept it from Bazine - she imagined at some point it would be shared, but for the time being it was something between just her and Ben.

****

Bazine was in no mood for news in any case, having remained in their room for the remainder of the day and not even coming down to eat.

****

It pained Rey that Bazine’s world was ending, just as hers was coming to life. But there was not much she could do about it - and in any case she was driven to explore her own pleasure.

****

There was little time to waste.

****

Ben had alluded to the fact that he and his father moved frequently - the idea that he would leave terrified her, but also spurred her on to push further. 

****

She senses that the regret of not giving herself to him would be far greater than the pain of losing him if he had to go.

****

He was waiting for her, his own lantern in hand. She saw he was holding a small rug, and the oar for the row boat lay at his feet.

****

She was very excited at the thought of a late night rendezvous. There were many private alcolves along the river bank that would afford the camouflage they required.

****

“Good evening, sweetheart,” he said as he offered her his hand. The small boat bobbed as she stepped down into it, and she was grateful for his steady grip.

****

She sat at the front, in order to use the lanterns to light the way for their journey. She ran through the list of suitable places in her mind, but was surprised when he seemed to have his own intended destination.

****

“Upstream has better spots,” she said. 

****

“I know, but downstream is more private,” he replied evenly.

****

She was about to ask him what he meant by that when he abruptly changed the topic to one far more interesting.

****

“How are you feeling about what happened this afternoon?” She could hear a slight tension in his voice, although she couldn’t really see his face.

****

“I’m feeling good. Very good.” She was grateful the cover of darkness hid the colour in her cheeks.

****

“I’m so very glad to hear that,” she could hear the smile in his voice. “While we are travelling, do you think we could discuss what we might do this evening? I want to ensure your comfort.”

****

“Ok,” she replied.

****

He cleared his throat before he spoke.

****

“There are many, many things I would like for us to do together. I understand that this is a new experience for you.” He paused for a moment. “It’s a new experience for me, too. This goes deeper. I’ve not felt this way before.”

****

“Oh,” was all she could manage to say. Her heart sat in her throat, and pounded there as he spoke. It was more than she dared to hope for, that she would be as special to him as he was to her. 

****

Elation was a foreign concept, but she felt it at that moment.

****

“So, before we reach the bank, let me just tell you that I want to give you as much or as little as you desire. All of it - or nothing,” his voice was deep and strong as the boat glided across the water. 

****

She moved a lantern close to her face, she needed him to see she meant what she was about to say.

****

“Ben, all of it. I want all of it.”

****

She could make out his beaming grin in the dim light.

****

“Then all of it is what you shall have,” he replied. “Rey, I would very much like to make love to you. But, perhaps not on the bank of the river. But there are many other things that we could do, that I could do.”

She returned the lantern to the front of the boat again to light the way.

****

“Yes, I want that. I want it like this morning in the barn. To feel the same.” 

****

“I should like to kiss you… everywhere. Put my mouth on you, my hands on you.” His voice was low, almost a growl. 

****

She thought she might fall out of the boat, she was shaking so much in anticipation. She didn’t expect her legs could carry her to shore.

****

“Yes,” she said breathily. She could think of nothing she wanted more. Bazine had always spoken very, very highly of such things.

****

Her body started to thrum, as if every single cell was alive and connected. 

****

She considered pouncing on him, but thought better of it.

****

“If you want me to stop at any time, just say the word.”

****

She was jolted back into reality as the boat bumped up against the dock. He quickly secured the mooring, and then stood to help her out of the boat. He picked her up and placed her on the dock like she was as light as a feather.

****

For such a large man he had surprisingly little challenge completing it for himself, then leading her to the grass covered bank.

****

She wasn’t entirely sure where they were, but she didn’t care.

****

He laid the blanket out on the soft ground, placing the lanterns on either corner where their heads were to lay.

****

“I want to see your beautiful face,” he explained.

****

They lay down on the rug together. To her surprise, she wasn’t afraid or nervous. She felt safe and secure, and very, very eager to get things underway.

****

She sat with her arms wrapped around her legs, her head tilted to one side as she gazed at him. 

****

He was reclined, resting on his forearms, looking at her in much the same way.

****

“Come here,” he growled. He threaded his hand around the back of her neck as she bent down to kiss him.

****

His lips were soft as she did, and a little moan escaped from deep in her throat as their tongues began to dance. She slid down further, so that she was lying beneath him.

****

They closed the space between them, his familiar hardness against her thigh causing her to groan as the ache between her legs became a throb. He lifted himself to settle himself there, and she instinctively wrapped her thighs around his hips so he could grind against her.

****

His hands where trailing up the outside of her thighs, hiking up her skirt just as had been done after she protected him from the snake - only this time she longed for it. There was no surprise or shame at their response to each other.

****

It felt good to be released from such shackles.

****

She did something she had been desperate to do since the day she first saw him.

****

She ran her fingers through his hair, which was just as soft and silky as it looked. It was still unfair for a man to possess such locks - but it felt delicious between her fingers. 

****

His hand had moved to her blouse, deftly plucking open each button, his fingers trailing along her exposed decolletage as they went. 

****

His kisses were slow and gentle, but the sensation caused by his hands had her arching into him for more.

****

His mouth shifted to find the crook of her neck, and she gasped as he nibbled and sucked at her sensitive skin. At the moment she wanted nothing more than for him to take her, all of her.

****

“Please, Ben I want all of it,” she moaned.

****

“All in good time. I want to kiss you in the sweet place between your thighs first.” He whispered in between kisses.

****

She was panting with desire, and she could feel her panties damp against her skin. 

****

“Yes,” she groaned. Anything to get the feeling from that morning back again.

****

“I’m going to put my mouth on you, and I would like to put my fingers inside you, too. Would that be alright?”

****

“Yes,” she moaned, he could suggest whatever he wanted to her at that moment.

****

Their heavy breathing was the only sound around them, the river moved silently and whatever nocturnal animals had been in the vicinity had long fled after two noisy humans had disturbed their peace.

****

He slid his hand inside her bra, rolling her nipple under his fingertips, and it sent a lightning bolt between her thighs - and the fire deep within her belly was stoked higher.

****

His other hand was trailing along the inside of her upper thigh, stroking the soft, sensitive skin found there. She was throbbing by this time, her legs still wrapped around him.

“Rey, I can’t wait to taste you,” he groaned as he kissed his way down her body. He removed his hand from her breast, letting it snake down her torso and disappearing under her skirt to join his other one.

She was delirious with desire, and there was no shame - no embarrassment.

Just him and the way he made her feel.

She felt her underwear sliding down her body as his head disappeared beneath her skirt. He lay still for a moment, as if drinking it all in.

His hands gently parted her legs, and she heard a sharp intake of breath.

“Rey, may I bring a lantern down here?” he rasped. “I need to look at you.”

Silently she reached above her head, and then gently nudged the light against his arm. She trusted him entirely, and the ladies in the magazines didn’t seem to have a problem with it, so why should she?

He cursed as he brought it up under her skirt, his head suddenly appearing from beneath her petticoats. His eyes by the dim light were dark with desire for her.

“You are beautiful,” he said. “I’m going to take such good care of you.”

She nodded, and his head disappeared again.

She shuddered as his lips pressed against the inside of her knee lightly, just so she knew where he was. She lifted herself up into her forearms to get a better sense of it. As his mouth moved higher, her thighs drifted further apart as he sucked and kissed up towards her centre.

She threw her head back in ecstasy as he nuzzled her soft hair, and she keened when his tongue found her. The sensation was overpowering, and she collapsed back onto the ground, her fingers clutching the rug as he slowly began to suck and lick her. Her entire body was alight – that morning in the barn had been passionate and exciting, and a mind altering experience. 

But this was something more. This was true intimacy, where she could hand herself to him completely, and he would do all that he could to pleasure her.

She felt Bazine had somewhat undersold the intensity of the act.

“I want to give you everything,” he moaned against her. 

****

She felt his finger against her entrance, circling it, teasing her. It pushed her euphoric state even higher, while at the same time leaving her aching for more.

****

“Please Ben,” she begged, writhing against his finger. She could hear the whine in her voice, but was powerless to stop it.

****

He slid one of his thick fingers inside her, and she gasped as she could feel herself pulse around him. She arched her back - this was the first time she had been touched in such a way - and it was the most delightful and intense pressure.

****

“Is this okay?” he asked, his finger gentle and still inside her.

****

All she could do was mutter an unintelligible answer, which he seemed to take as an affirmative.

****

He didn’t move the hand that was inside her, instead returning to suck her into his mouth, his tongue rolling over her. His finger crooked slightly, and immediately she had an entirely new sensation bursting through her.

****

Her body seemed to take on a life of its own, she was writhing and bucking against him as he continued, the rug bunching so tightly in her hands she was pulling it up toward her. Her pants continued in stuttered bursts as she moved, and she heard him chuckle softly as he lifted his arm to lie across her stomach to hold her still.

****

It was as if a giant wall of pressure was building within her, as if she might become suspended in mid air. 

****

The words from her lips continued to be unintelligible - just a torrent of random words and sounds. The arm across her stomach told her that he had her and would look after her. Her upper body continued to writhe and arch, while her lower body could only remain still and take all his focused attention.

****

Slowly, the finger inside that had been stroking her began to move. Just a small amount of friction at first, then as she relaxed around him increasing in thrust and intensity.

****

Her eyes snapped open, and a small whimper escaped her. She curled up around him, her hands lifting her skirt to grip his soft hair. She could see his head moving rhythmically between her thighs, and there was something about gazing down at him and truly connecting him with the responses of her body that increased the pressure inside her again. The light of the lantern illuminated his broad back and shoulders, and she could not believe that such a man could be showing this attention to her. Worshipping her. 

****

Her thighs clamped around his head as she pressed him closer. When pleasure fully claimed her, it was burning heat scorching through her core, and then throughout her entire body. She bellowed long and hard as she pulsed around him, his mouth and fingers unrelenting in extracting every single drop of ecstasy. 

****

As her climax ebbed away she collapsed back onto the rug, unable to move, think or speak.

****

It wasn’t until he lifted his head from between her legs, slowly withdrawing his finger from her that she remembered to breathe as well. Small aftershocks continued to pulse through her, causing tiny spasms to shift her body.

****

As she gazed down at him, she could see his enormous grin - which made her giggle a little. He looked awfully pleased with himself.

****

She supposed that he should under the circumstances.

****

He crawled up next to her and leaned in for a kiss, but she shied away in distaste. 

****

“Why don’t I go wash my face,” he suggested. “This too,” he added as he waved his finger at her. 

****

She gave a little nod, she wanted to kiss him and to be held by him, but she wasn’t quite ready to taste herself just yet.

****

When he returned from the river, he gently slid her underwear back up her body and carefully buttoned her blouse. Once she was put back together again he wrapped himself around her, allowing her to settle on his chest, quiet but content.

****

There were no words to describe how she felt in that moment, it was beyond her experience. 

****

The rise and fall of his chest almost lulled her to sleep, but the thought occurred to her that he may also need attention. 

****

Her hand moved of its own accord down his chest and over his belt. He froze as he understood her intent.

****

“Are you sure?” he asked.

****

“I want to,” she replied. “But, I don’t know what to do. Can you show me?”

****

“Yes,” he said thickly. “I can show you how to use your hand.”

****

She shifted to sit upright, her hands shaking as she undid his belt and zipper.

****

“Rey, believe me sweetheart when I say I really want this, but you don’t have to….” 

****

She stole his words with a kiss, her hands still working at his pants to release him. She could feel how hard he was already, and she made a primal growl as she thought about what she was about to do.

****

She was desperate to touch him.

****

His pants undone, she moved to stroke him over his undergarments, breaking their kiss with a gasp as she realised his true size underneath her hand.

****

“You can go a bit harder,” he groaned. His hips began to thrust gently against her hand, stuttering as she squeezed him more.

****

“Yes,” he hissed.

****

Feeling bolder, she reached down into his underpants. A thrill ran through her as she felt the velvety hardness of him, her eyes wide with wonder and excitement. His body jerked in response to her touch.

****

She liked that.

****

He was staring at her so intently, his body tense with anticipation. She sensed he was holding back, as if afraid to overwhelm her.

****

“Please Ben, I want to please you. Show me how,” she said softly. If she could release her inhibitions, then he could too. She trusted the intimacy between them, that they were free to express how the other made them feel.

****

He reached down to push down his underwear, leaving him fully exposed, and that combined with the expanse of flat stomach and trail of hair leading down from below his navel was enough to set a fire blazing with her, and she considered removing her own underpants and straddling him.

****

“I want to, I want you inside me,” she whispered.

****

“There is nothing I want more. But I don’t have protection with me – and I want our first time together to be relaxed and safe. Another time.”

****

She saw the wisdom in his words, she knew what happened to girls that became pregnant outside of wedlock. They were sent away, sometimes returning home, other times not. But never bringing their baby home with them.

****

She couldn’t bear such a thing, and it was not as if Ben was willing or in a position to marry her.

****

“Show me how to please you,” she said, the firmness in her voice was a surprise – but she knew what she wanted. She was just not sure how to do it.

****

He spat into his hand and gripped his hard length, and she almost keeled over from the sight.

****

He was rougher with himself that she would have thought advisable, but from the look on his face, he was lost in what he was doing.

****

She watched him intently as his hand set a quick rhythm, then touched his arm to let him know she wanted to take over.

****

She also spat onto her hand, which was entirely unbecoming - but she was not concerned in the slightest. As her hand replaced his, she once again marvelled at how wonderful he felt.

****

He was beautiful, and she wanted him to feel as cared for and worshipped as she did.

****

Her hand began to glide along his length, and he seemed to swell even more – hardening beneath her grip.

****

He jerked in response, grunting as he watched her face. She bit her lip in concentration, not entirely sure she was doing it correctly.

****

Her bravado faltered for a moment, and she looked at him questioningly, asking for his guidance.

****

His large hand enveloped her smaller one, and she gasped as he tightened her grip considerably.

****

“I won’t hurt you?” she asked

****

He shook his head and continued to guide her hand, slipping over the tip only to have her plunge down again.

****

“Jesus, baby. Your hand around me,” he growled. The sound thrilled her, and she felt her own desire pulse through her again.

****

“Is it good?” she asked.

****

“Fuck baby, it’s the best,” he gasped.

****

She was momentarily taken by his profanity, then found it all the more exciting when she realised he was letting go of his own shackles.

****

She squeezed a bit harder, and he thrust himself into her hand. 

****

“Yes, like that. It feels like I’m inside you, so good. Just like that. I’m so close,” he grunted. 

****

Their eyes never left each others for a second. 

****

His hips were moving in the same erratic manner as they had in the barn, and she understood that he was about to release at any moment.

****

She couldn’t wait for it.

****

He suddenly grabbed her by the back of her head and began to kiss her furiously – there was nothing gentle about it, just pure animalistic passion. She met him with equal intensity, their tongues probing and exploring.

****

With a final groan he exploded into her hand, hot and pulsing. His body convulsing beneath her, and completely unable to control himself. She kept her movements constant, just as he had, and it seemed to be exactly what he wanted her to do.

****

Just as quickly he seemed to become sensitive, his face contorting as she continued her movements. 

****

He stilled her hand.

****

“You can stop now,” he said with a hitching breath.

****

“Ok,” she replied.

****

“Rey, you are going to be the death of me,” he groaned, collapsing back against the ground.

****

She giggled. “I’m confident that it is entirely mutual.”

****

He chuckled in response.

****

“Be right back,” she said quickly, eager to go down to the river to clean up her hand and be held in his arms.

****

When she returned, she wasted no time in snuggling into him. He too had pulled himself together again, and they lay there in contented silence. There were no need for words, they were completed connected and wrapped up in each other. 

****

He softly stroked her hair, his arms holding her close. He brought his lips to her forehead and sighed.

****

The intensity of the experience was at once comforting and overwhelming. Now that Pandora’s box had been opened, she could not fathom how she could return to the sheltered existence she once lived.

****

She realised the true weight of what had transpired.

****

She was in love with Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the comments I get on this story SO MUCH THANK YOU.


	10. Love Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After nine long chapters, one fire, a cheeky snake and a some back from the dead baby chicks these two finally spend the night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife) for her wonderful beta and being my wife and to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) who is always there to stop me from being too melodramatic and angsty while making sure my story is still interesting.

_That's what they call me I'm a Love Man_

_Six feet one weigh two hundred and ten_

_A Long hair... Real fair skin_

_A long legs and I'm-a out-a sight_

_There ain't no doubt I'm gonna take you out,_

_'Cause I'm a love man_

Written and Sung by _Otis Redding_

****

The next day Rey woke, relaxed and happy despite the late evening the night before. 

****

Bazine was also still in bed, but awake with her eyes open and staring at the ceiling. Unable to resist, Rey made her way across the room and indicated for Bazine to make room. What Rey was about to say could only be shared at whisper volume.

****

“You were out late last night,” Bazine said with a grin.

****

Rey giggled. “We went on a boat ride down the river.”

****

Bazine snuggled in a bit closer. “Did you...?” her eyes were wild with excitement.

Rey shook her head. “But we did other things. He kissed me,” her voice dropped a little further, “down there. Then I used my hand on him.”

****

Bazine squealed in delight. “Isn’t it the best! Do you think you will go all the way?”

****

Rey answered without hesitation. “Yes.” 

****

She loved him - and she wanted to know him entirely.

****

Bazine slid out of the bed and began to rummage through her dresser, letting out a small grunt of triumph as she found what she sought.

****

She clutched the soft lilac nightdress as she returned and sat on the edge of the bed. “You will need something special for the occasion. This should do the trick.” She held the babydoll up for inspection. It was short, somewhat diaphanous - and unlike any of the beige and white undergarments tucked away in _her_ dresser drawers.

****

Rey blushed and then threw her arms around her sister in gratitude. She had not turned her mind to the preparations for her first time, but the lilac gown was an excellent start.

****

__________________________

****

The next day, Rey was serving herself a second helping of pot roast at the Church Fellowship evening when she found herself standing next to Ben. He was piling his plate high with all the food she had brought as her contribution.

****

She giggled as he stacked his plate high, and they shared a hidden glance. She loved his smile, and she especially loved it when it was as a result of her.

****

Mamma stood close by, bending Pastor Han’s ear. She was desperate for the news of Hux and Bazine’s engagement to be shared as soon as possible now that Bazine had agreed to wear her engagement ring publicly.

****

“Mrs. Khai,” Pastor Han said, his hands spread in an open gesture. “I understand you are very keen to share the news, but it can wait until the Sunday morning service surely?”

****

“Pastor Han, I do understand the protocol with such a thing, but as Bazine and myself will be visiting my sister - who is very poorly - over the coming week, we will not be here for the service,” she said firmly.

****

Ben and Rey shared another stolen glance. The pending visit was news to them both. It opened the door for possibilities both were very eager to explore.

****

“I dearly wish I could help you, but perhaps the Sunday after that will need to suffice,” he responded with equal firmness, yet still retaining a glint in his eye.

****

Rey was beginning to know that glint well.

****

“But Pastor Han, the Church picnic is the week after, and the news will surely be lost in the activity,” Mamma was beginning to plead by this stage.

****

“My hands are tied,” he replied ruefully. “I’m sure your daughter will be just as married at the end of her nuptials - with or without a grand announcement.” This statement was said with a slight smirk.

****

Suddenly, Mr. Canady and Mr. Hux Sr. approached the pair. They both gave Mamma a cursory nod.

****

“Pastor Han, Mr. Canady has insisted on bringing the matter of the fire at the parsonage to my attention yet again.” Mr. Hux glared at Mr. Canady. “If we could please resolve this as soon as possible, to put it to bed.” As a church deacon, if Mr. Hux determined the matter was to be resolved, then indeed the matter should be resolved.

****

“Mr. Canady. Mr. Hux,” Pastor Han responded with a nod.

****

She noticed Ben stiffen beside her.

****

“You sent my fire investigator away - and have replaced him with one of your own choosing. May I ask why?” Mr. Canady looked peeved - to put it lightly.

****

“The official investigator found the cause of the fire inconclusive, but is still recommending the insurance payment be made. May I ask, Mr. Canady, why you feel the need to hang on to this like a rabid dog with a bone?” Rey couldn’t be entirely sure, but it sounded like Pastor Han was mocking Mr. Canady.

****

Mr. Canady snorted before he replied. “The drunkard the insurance company sent? The man reeked of liquor. I demand a proper investigation to determine the cause.”

****

“Mr. Hux, I took one look at the man sent to do the job, and I could tell immediately that he was not of sound judgement or moral character. Mr. Canady, I do not mean to question your judgement, but I must always follow where the Lord leads me.” Pastor Han said smoothly. “My man comes highly recommended.” There was no glint this time, just a steely glare.

****

Mr. Canady flared his nostrils as Pastor Han spoke.

****

“Do not talk to me about fine moral character, Pastor. You own son was very late back from his break earlier this week. Do not caution my judgement when your own flesh and blood is sorely lacking.”

****

The tension between the two men could be cut with a knife, Rey thought. Mr. Hux looked like he would rather be anywhere else at that moment.

****

It was also scandalous the way that Mr. Canady was speaking to Pastor Han. Rey could barely believe her ears. She also blushed heavily as Ben shuffled his feet next to her - they knew the reason for his tardiness. 

****

Baby chicks.

****

Mr. Hux continued to look uncomfortable.

****

“Canady. Find a new man, and do your investigation. There’s nothing irregular here. Of course, I’m just thinking of the townsfolk. If the insurance company were to become nervous, well it would fall to the town to raise the money to replace the parsonage. I suppose we may just need to increase tithing - just to be sure. Should I make the announcement on Sunday?” he asked, just a little more sardonically than possibly intended.

****

“Now now, there’s no need to make rash announcements,” Mr. Hux laughed nervously. “Mr. Canady, let the man Pastor Han has chosen do the investigation - quietly - and I’m sure it will all be resolved well enough.”

****

Mr. Canady did not look pleased.

****

Pastor Han did, however.

****

“There you go, was that so hard?” He asked, palms outstretched.

****

Mr. Canady turned on his heels and stalked away. 

****

Pastor Han clapped his hand onto the shoulder of Mr. Hux and began to lead him to a microphone in the corner of the room. “I hear there is some exciting news we need to share with the rest of the congregation. Shall we?”

****

As the exchange had unfolded, Rey had kept one eye fixed on Ben. She saw how he had worried his lip and furrowed his brow at Mr. Canady’s outburst, and was only slightly less tense once Mr. Hux had agreed to the Pastor’s suggestion. 

****

By now the Hux and Khai families had joined together at the microphone as Pastor Han announced the engagement news. As per usual, Armitage wore a smug look on his face, which gave Rey the chills. Just like it did in high school.

****

Bazine had a wan smile plastered across her face, but Rey could see the tension in her eyes. 

****

Soon afterwards, Bazine was surrounded by the usual gaggle of gushing girls cooing over her ring and looking in abject jealousy at her good fortune.

****

On the way back to the farm, Mamma filled the car with wedding plans while both girls remained silent.

****

As they rounded the driveway, she had one last parting comment.

****

“Bazine, darling, one day when you are older and well provided for, and you didn’t have to struggle like I did managing the farm alone, you will understand this is for the best.”

****

Bazine didn’t answer.

_____________

Rey waved the both of them off the next afternoon, with promises to complete all her chores and to keep to the house at all times. Which she faithfully swore.

****

As glum as Bazine was in the front seat of the car, she still managed to give Rey a wink before Mamma drove them away.

****

Rey winked back.

****

As soon as the car was out of sight she rushed to her room to pack an overnight bag. Ben would be waiting for her as soon as nightfall had taken hold, and there was nothing stopping them from being together. As per usual, Pastor Han was out tending to another flock.

****

Other than Bazine’s nightgown, her hairbrush and a toothbrush, she was not sure what else to pack.

****

She watched the clock anxiously. It was especially difficult once she saw him walk past the house after he had finished the work day.

****

To know he was alone, so close and waiting for her was sweet, sweet agony.

****

As soon as darkness fell she carefully crossed the yard and made her way to the back door of the cottage. Ben’s face beamed when he saw her, wasting no time in gathering her in his arms and dragging her inside for a passionate kiss. She melted into him, swept away by his searing hot mouth and warm hands that caressed her hips and waist.

****

She dropped her overnight bag to the floor to thread her arms around his neck, returning his kiss with equal passion.

****

Her head was swimming, and her knees were buckling from under her, so she led him to the kitchen table, where she perched herself. Their kiss remained unbroken as he gently pushed her down to lie across it.

****

Ben groaned as he buried his face in her neck, nuzzling and sucking as he muttered into her ear.

****

“I thought we might talk for a little first, perhaps listen to some music… Is it safe to assume we can go straight to the main event?”

****

“No more talking,” she grunted.

****

Her hands were at his shirt, finding each button with her fingers and undoing each one. There was no sense in being coy or shy about what she wanted, or to play hard to get or make him work for it.

****

It was something other girls had discussed in great length - how to keep a boy interested while not going too far. But Rey was never very good at such games, and in any case, she saw no point in it. She wanted to show Ben how she felt about him, and to experience all of it as free as she was able.

****

He chuckled into her shoulder as he hiked her skirts a little higher as he sought the soft skin at the top of her thighs.

****

“We should probably head upstairs, this table will only remain comfortable for so long.”

****

She was enjoying his attention very much, but she saw the wisdom in his words. Over the preceding days she had thought long and hard about how she wanted her time with Ben to be. Being taken on the kitchen table - while very enticing - was an activity for another time.

****

She had other plans.

****

“Well, best you stop what you are doing and carry me upstairs then,” she said with a cheeky smile. “Don’t forget my bag.”

****

“Yes ma’am,” was his wolfish reply.

****

The journey up the stairs was quick and full of giggles from her, and a deep throaty laugh from him. He carried her with ease, and she felt safe and protected.

****

He was surprised when she ordered him out of the bedroom the moment he deposited her on the bed, but her kisses and promises that she would not be long tempered his disappointment.

****

She wasted no time slipping into the short lilac nightgown and brushing her shoulder length hair till it shone, eyeing herself in the full length mirror with satisfaction.

****

Her underwear was another matter entirely. There was nothing becoming about them - it was hardly the deciding factor when Mamma purchased them for her. Beige and serviable, they were not alluring in the slightest.

****

Before she lost her nerve and reconsidered, she decided to lose them.

****

As she opened the bedroom door, his demeanor was almost one of an expectant father waiting for news of an impending arrival as he rose from the sofa. She felt feminine and beautiful under his gaze, as if she was someone to be treasured and revered. 

****

She thanked the Lord for the day that Ben Solo had entered her world. She didn’t know the path they would take together - even if there was a path at all, though she desperately hoped that there would be. It was a desire locked deep within her, one she didn’t dare to bring to the surface. But for that evening at least, and hopefully well into the week she was there, for no other purpose but for herself, her pleasure and for his. Not as a companion, a friend, a cook, a cleaner, a saver of baby chicks or as a nursemaid for an elderly woman.

****

His eyes seemed to almost fall out of his head as he drank her in.

****

“Rey, you are enchanting,” he rasped. 

****

She smiled. 

****

“But, you are still dressed,” she said, one eyebrow raised. “I want to look at you. Remove everything but your underwear,” she instructed.

****

He did as he was told, but could not resist from responding with a wry smile. 

****

“Rey my darling, I am more than willing to follow your lead. Just know that there will be times when I want you to follow mine.”

****

“I know,” she said lightly.

****

She watched him as he eagerly removed his shirt and pants, desire flooding her as each movement revealed more of his hard body. More of him.

****

She knew men were generally not as spectacularly formed as he was, as if carved from living marble. His broad shoulders led down to an equally broad chest - and a broad everything else.

****

Rey smiled as he stood before her almost naked. The longing between her thighs was pulsing, demanding to be sated. She could no more stop it than she could stop the blood pumping in her veins. Not for a moment had her resolve to be with him, truly be with him, wavered since their time on the riverbank.

****

“Do you like what you see?” he asked, with just a hint of nerves.

****

Her grin widened considerably as she nodded.

****

His shoulders relaxed a little as he walked towards her, the trademark Solo glint on full display. He filled her gaze, and it was almost as if an aura glowed within him - something otherworldly, like he was brighter than regular folk. 

****

She thought this is what it must be like to look at the person you loved. 

****

He pressed against her as he captured her lips with his. Her hands brushed against his chest, his flesh warm and hard, but still yielding to her touch. She marvelled at the sensation, and at the goosebumps that trailed the path she made. He was just as affected by her as she was by him. She felt it in her bones, she was sure of it.

****

He shivered as her fingers lightly scraped down his abdomen. The primal urge to have him inside her flared, and she tugged him to into the bedroom and onto the bed.

****

He lay between her legs, his mouth exploring hers, tongues touching and each stealing the others breath. She felt him hard against her upper thigh, and she began to cant her hips to feel his length.

****

She would be lying if she claimed not to be a little nervous about being able to take him all in. She wasn’t familiar with the standard size of a man’s appendage - but she had the sense that he was far from average. She would know soon enough what it felt like.

****

He groaned as her inner thigh stroked him, and his hand found her knee, drifting up her thigh, and he gasped as he found her naked behind at his fingertips.

****

“Fuck, you aren’t wearing undergarments,” he moaned, hot against her mouth.

****

She wrapped her legs around him, to centre him on her as she began to grind. Just a small movement of her hips was enough to send a charge through the both of them, and he thrust against her. Their bodies beat as if the same, like a pulse ran between them.

****

She arched as his hardness found the throbbing just above her entrance, her face contorting with pleasure as he repeated the movement. It was just like the moment in the barn only a few days before, only this time there was no lunch break to return from, no chores to complete, and nowhere else to be other than naked in his bed with him fully seated within her.

****

“Off,” he grunted at her nightgown. She didn’t mind, it had served its purpose.

****

She raised her arms as he clumsily tugged it over her head, leaving her bare beneath him. Wet and wanting.

****

“I’m going to explore every inch of you with my mouth,” he declared. He drove her wild with lust as he look his time doing exactly that, from the freckles on her shoulders to the sensitive skin behind her knees - his lips worshipped her, as if no part should miss his affection. 

****

She writhed as he moved along the length of her body, fisting the blankets in a desperate attempt to hold on and submit to his attention. She whined in frustration when his mouth merely brushed between her legs, though he certainly gazed at her for the longest time. When his tongue found the seam where her legs and pelvis met the relief was bittersweet, it was so intimate, yet not nearly enough. He was so close, yet so far, and in her mind she begged for him to move just a little more to the centre. To find her and claim her with his mouth like he had some nights before.

****

Once he had finished his delicious torment, he cradled her against him. His soft kisses belied the devil of his fingers, as he now sought to touch the place she was so desperate for. First one thick finger, then two as she relaxed around him, feeling fuller than she had even known, yet understanding it would be nothing to when he truly claimed her. He set a gentle rhythm at first, which increased in intensity and depth as she opened for him. Her eyes closed as she sank deeper into her pleasure, the pressure building within her, travelling up from her toes to her thighs and through her torso. All the while he held her, watching her every response intently as he studied every gasp, moan and cant of her hips. 

****

His lips found her peaked nipple, drawing it into his warm mouth as his tongue laved at it, sending the sensations coursing through her into the stratosphere.

****

Her first climax burst through the wall of pressure, like the crest of a wave about to fall - then she was crashing back to the floor again, pulsing and sucking in his fingers greedily. His soft words of encouragement spurred her on again, and the second climax took her by surprise - she was not even aware that such a thing was possible. 

****

Sated, she lay in a golden bliss, relaxed but stretching out like a cheshire cat. She found herself almost unable to speak, save for the words “I love you, Ben.”

****

The smile that bloomed across his face was worth the risk taken to make such a declaration. But especially so when the sentiment was returned.

****

“I love you too, Rey.”

****

She was suddenly filled with a kind of warmth and pure happiness she thought reserved for fairy tales and romance novels. Once again it was beyond her expectation that he would return her affection for him. She knew he was at least fond of her, yet it ran far deeper than she realised.

****

She loved him.

****

He loved her.

****

They loved each other.

****

It only reaffirmed that the choice she was making was the right one. For now and forever, no matter what transpired at a later time, to give herself to him was the only thing she wanted to do.

****

“Can I have all of it now?” she asked, her head tilted to the side as she gazed up at him.

****

His answer was a quick kiss to her lips, then he scurried to his dresser, a prophylactic waiting in readiness. After a momentary hesitation he removed his boxers - making him as naked as she. Her sharp intake of breath was involuntary as a new flood of desire engulfed her. Until she now she had only seen him lit by two flickering lanterns, and to have him fully illuminated in front of her was something else entirely.

****

“Wow,” was all she could manage under the circumstances.

****

He looked down at himself and cleared his throat nervously. “Ah, I need to be hard before I can put this on. Do you think you could help me a little with your hand?”

****

“I would love to,” she replied eagerly, scooting to the edge of the bed to receive him. 

****

He was warm as she wrapped her fist around his length.

****

“Please, make your hand a bit wet,” he rasped. She marvelled as she felt him harden under her grip, and it occurred to her she could go one step bolder.

****

He swore so loud she was sure it could have been heard the next county over as she took him into her mouth. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to do such a thing, which only a week before she would have thought so wanton and disgraceful. But she wanted to, she wanted to shower him with the same care and affection he had to her.

****

It was another surprise in a long list of surprises.

****

The tip of him was salty on her tongue - yet another surprise. She hadn’t entertained the idea of what he would taste like, because she hadn’t ever intended to put him in her mouth.

****

As she drew him in, his hand snuck under her hair to gently cradle her head. She looked up at him, smiling as she saw him awe struck at what she was doing. It was a clumsy attempt to be sure, her gag reflex kicking in the moment she had him even sucked him part of the way into her mouth, but it seemed to do the trick in any case as he was immediately harder than ever before.

****

“Rey, you can use your hand too, so you only need to take me in a little way,” he said between great gulping breaths. His suggestion worked well, and found she was able to control how deep she took him in, while her hand stroked the rest of his length. His body shuddered above her as the grip around the back of her head tightened as pressure built within him.

****

She didn’t move her eyes from his face for a moment, not wanting to miss one second of his reaction. Not one grunt, moan or filthy utterance - of which there were plenty. She felt him harden further, and his hand began to softly caress her. Never pushing her for more.

****

He began to pulse under her hand, causing him to quickly pull away. 

****

“I think I’m ready now,” he shuddered, moving quickly to rip open the wrapper and roll the condom down his shaft. She moved back to her original position on the bed as he followed her down until she was completely under him.

****

The feel of naked skin against naked skin was exhilarating, his stomach pressed to hers as she wrapped her legs around his hips. She was hungry for him, writhing to find his hardness, eager to take him inside her. By now the bed that she always prepared with such care and attention was a mess of rumpled sheets and blankets.

****

“There’s no rush, sweetheart. We have all night,” he murmured as he found that delicate spot at her neck again, licking and sucking and kissing. She knew he was right, but that didn’t ease the ache to have him fully seated inside her.

****

It also dawned on her that she would be waking in that bed come morning, wrapped in his arms. While not exactly as Mrs. Ben Solo, she still had his declaration of love to cling to.

****

He found her folds, gliding himself along her wet heat. She was reminded that her arousal was nothing to be ashamed of, instead it would make it far easier to accommodate him and bring pleasure to them both. They groaned in unison, finding the intimate contact intensely pleasurable.

****

He moved from her neck to look at her.

****

“Rey, I’m going to enter you now. You can tell me to stop at any time. We have all night, all week, forever really, to make this happen,” he said, his eyes soft, though his mouth was red and swollen with desire.

****

She brushed up against him as he lined himself to her entrance. She immediately tensed as he pushed into her, he felt so big and heavy that she clenched in anxious anticipation of what was to come. Sensing her reaction he stilled, kissing all her concern away helped her to become accustomed to the pressure. She shifted slightly in an attempt to draw him in a little further.

****

His soft kisses still rained down upon her. Seeking her, but not demanding. She quivered and pulsed as he slowly began to rock inside her, remaining held in place - but the friction making her shudder from the intensity of it. She groaned in pleasure as a thousand little lightning bolts exploded inside her. There was a sting to be sure, and pain as well, but she was so consumed with wanting to be bonded and close to him that she tried to push it away. 

****

He broke their kiss to search her face for her reaction. She whined as he withdrew, which was quickly replaced by a guttural moan as he slid down her body to drink her in like a man possessed. There was no tentative exploration as he drove his tongue inside her, his mouth covering the rest of her in a relentless campaign to push her pleasure higher and higher.

****

It worked, as suddenly she was taking one, then two of his fingers again, stretching her around him as she fisted his hair, her body beginning to curl around him. But he had no intention of bringing her to completion that way, as just as she could feel her impending climax he trailed up her body to claim her mouth much like he did her core. 

****

She was drunk with lust by this stage, having been denied completion, so consumed with it that she didn’t care that she could taste herself on his lips, she just wanted him in any way she could. There was no room for squeamishness, just wild abandon and the need to have of him as much as he would give.

****

The resistance was far less in his second attempt. The sting was still there as he stretched her, but she felt herself adjust a little further this time. There was no room for any other thought but to take in all of him.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Her eyes snapped open, for the words didn’t come from her - they came from him. She cupped his face until he was fully seated within her. He lay still for a moment, looking at her with a dumbstruck fascination, like she was an apparition that could vanish into nothing with a snap of his fingers.

She was bewildered as to how he could feel that way.

“You deserve me, Ben. All of me, every part. I love you, I adore you, I _need_ you,” she implored him.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he said. 

There was something in his eyes, an unreadable pain that she hadn’t seen before. He was deep inside her, having claimed her virginity - yet it was he who was being made vulnerable. Her bewilderment deepened. It had not occurred to her that he may have been just as afraid of being abandoned as she was. Of being alone.

“I won’t,” she replied with a shake of her head. While the passion and excitement of lust about to be sated still stirred within her, it was the emotional connection that was fast becoming what possessed her. 

“Don’t you leave _me_ ,” she said, intent to stake her claim on him, too. 

“No,” he agreed, his sincerity clear. He slowly began to thrust as he snaked his hand between their bodies, rolling her sensitive nub under his fingers.

She clung to him as he took her, her eyes squeezed shut as he moved. It was too much, she was here, he was with her - and somehow fate had brought them together when just as easily it could have not. It was all a cavalcade of chance encounters - down by the river, with the baby chicks - the fact that the Solo’s ended up on the farm at all. 

If there was no fire at the parsonage, would she be with him right now? 

Probably not. 

If whatever had caused Ben and his father to leave their last posting hadn’t happened, would she have ever known how such passion and intensity felt? 

Unlikely.

Yet she was in the caretaker’s cottage, lying on a rumpled bed, wrapped in his arms as he was buried deep inside her - when she could just as easily be in her room, alone, waiting out her days until Mamma died and she was cast out of the Khai farm with nothing.

“Jesus, Rey,” he hissed. “What are you doing to me?”

****

She could only respond with a moan, her eyes still closed. 

****

He placed a hand under her to lift her a little higher, shifting her legs so they sat under his arms. Her eyes snapped open as he found a new, deeper space within her. There was something else he had awoken, all the while his thumb continued its rhythmic strokes, connecting the two pleasure spots together until she was filled with such tension she felt she shouldn’t be able to breathe - but her pants and groans were evidence that indeed she could.

****

“Is this alright, am I hurting you?” she heard him pant.

****

“No, its….” she didn’t know how to explain it.

****

“I know,” was his reply. His face was flushed and his hair flopped in his eyes. She pushed it out of the way.

****

He shifted her legs a little lower so he could lean down to capture her mouth with him without driving to deep. That’s when Rey understood she was done for, almost crushed beneath him. It drove her wild - she was pulsing and clenching around him and encased by him as she was, there was nothing for her to do but take it.

****

A high pitched whine began deep inside her throat, building in intensity as the pressure pushed higher. His mouth was as relentless as his fingers, and she knew before long she would tip over the edge. His own grunts and moans were becoming louder and louder - she was grateful they were the only two people for miles around.

****

“I love you,” he growled. “You are everything to me.”

****

“I love you,” she gasped. “My life will never be the same.”

****

“No, not after this.”

****

He continued to thrust and stroke her, and she knew that giving herself to him, and him to her, was not just a matter of a week or for whatever time he was around. She was profoundly changed, no longer able to accept a life without love or passion - because the part inside her that had always been empty was now full.

****

She could put her finger on it, it had a name, and she couldn’t go back to an empty life of farm chores, of no agency - of no choice.

****

A fire took hold of her - the yearning for more, for a bigger life. It was not just scratching out an existence without thought of fulfilment. She could have more - not that she knew what more looked like.

****

In the moment as their climaxes met, she had the sense they were both happy and free. Free to share their innermost thoughts and hopes. Free to let go and trust in another person to take care of them. 

****

Ben collapsed completely on top of her, driving himself into her as he came, pushing deeper as she exploded around him. They rode the waves together, giving to the other and receiving in return. In doing this together something new was forged, the sense that separately they could do much - but jointly there was no limit to what they could accomplish.

****

Utterly spent and utterly ruined they lay together, panting, chests heaving and limbs heavy as if made of lead.

****

The sheen of sweat covering them both made the sheets stick to them a little. As Ben uncoupled them, he lifted her up to the head of the bed to lay her down on a soft pillow. The sensation was cool against her skin and she shivered - which was quickly alleviated as he covered her in warm blankets and then spooned against her himself once he had disposed of the condom. 

****

They both crashed into a deep slumber, finally content, finally having found peace in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure, she's a virgin and she came the first time. Ben is just that good and it's canon.
> 
> You can fight me.
> 
> Just jokes, as always I'm so bloody chuffed with the lovely, lovely comments.


	11. These arms of mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers the way to get to know Ben Solo is through his... well - I don't need to spell it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta and fandom wife [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife).
> 
> You are a rock.

_ These arms of mine _

_ They are burning, burning from wanting you _

_ These arms of mine _

_ They are wanting, wanting to hold you _

_ And if you would let them hold you _

_ Oh, how grateful I will be _

****

Written and Sung by  _ Otis Redding _

****

The moonlight cast a silver sheen across the room, causing Rey to rouse. Or was it his gentle snoring in her ear? She couldn’t be certain.

****

In any case, it was several hours later - but not so much later that Ben needed to rise for work. It was otherworldly for Rey to stir in his arms, which lay heavy across her. He held her so tightly - like he was afraid to let her go. 

****

She didn’t mind it at all.

****

The memories from hours before washed over her. Their confessions, and their pact to never leave the other. It was more than she thought possible, to have the yearning buried deep finally soothed. 

****

He had made himself vulnerable to her, and she had seen something within him entirely unexpected. The fear of abandonment, of being alone.

****

Where had that come from? He had a father, he had a family - a family by blood. That had to mean something - her adoption papers had afforded her care, and the Khais  _ were _ her family - but she did not have blood status.

****

His snoring distracted her from her thoughts, and caused her to laugh as it tickled - which in turn roused him. He nuzzled her neck, a soft affectionate gesture which turned to something slightly more intense as he growled against her skin.

****

It was blissful.

****

He shifted slightly, and a small shudder escaped her as she felt him press against her thigh.

****

“Just ignore that, it will go away soon enough,” he advised gruffly.

****

She grinned and had half a mind to reach down, but the soreness between her legs made a different request. Though, she found it was a pleasant kind of ache - due to the cause of it.

****

She moved to see if she could bring a little relief, and he sat up as she winced.

****

“Did I hurt you?” He said, his brows knit in concern. 

****

“No, no. I’m okay, really.”

****

He lay down again, seemingly unconvinced. 

****

“I tried to be careful, I’m sorry.” He said, stroking her hair softly - she thought she might never get enough of that, either. 

****

“I know, you will need to make it up to me,” she quipped.

****

“How may I do that?” He growled, shifting closer to her.

****

She rolled over to face him.

****

“Well, there’s the chicken coop to clean out, it’s wash day - so I have to strip the beds, and I need to polish the silver,” she said with the straightest of faces.

****

“I can do that after Canady lets me go for the day,” he responded without missing a beat.

****

In the end it was she that did the double take.

****

“You would? You know how to do those things?” She asked incredulously.

****

He bristled at the insinuation.

****

“I can be useful,” he huffed. “I’m not just a one trick pony.”

****

“It’s a pretty good trick though…” she grinned.

****

He chuckled and snuggled into her a little more, peppering the shell of her ear with soft kisses. Rey sensed an openness to him that hadn’t been there before - getting to know and understand Ben Solo was like peeling an onion.

****

She decided to try her luck and remove another layer. To understand him better - to make sense of what had transpired between them.

****

“Ben, tell me about your family and your life growing up.”

****

He shifted only slightly, quite imperceptible - but she felt it all the same.

****

“Well, I grew up in New York,” he said carefully.

****

“Oh?” she said, her tone designed to encourage him. New York was not the answer she had expected. “With your mother?”

****

In her mind, the Pastor’s wife would have been petite and demure, always perfectly coiffed and dressed. Impeccably behaved, and an example to all women of what a godly wife and mother should be. Well, that was her experience of the wives of previous Pastors.

****

“Yes, with my mother. You would get along famously. My mother, my mother is… something else. Strong, opinionated, independent. She and my father, well, they are both as passionate and headstrong as each other. It made for an interesting environment growing up,” he said, his voice bemused.

****

“Your mother is still alive?” she said. She thought that Mrs. Solo had passed. He was lost in thought, and didn’t respond at first.

****

“My mother is educated, and rather, well…,” he seemed to struggle for the right word, “..  _ reactionary _ . She had no intention to remain trapped in... domestic servitude, I think she called it.” He snorted at the memory. “The old man is free spirited too, so he left when I was around seven or eight.” 

****

A dark shadow crossed his expression for the briefest of moments, only to disappear just as fast. She felt for that young boy, even though the man now lay before her.

****

“He returned when I was fifteen, having found his true calling later in life.”

****

“He had found the Lord?” she asked. She assumed that men like the Pastor just  _ knew _ what they were meant to be - faith leaders - that they had always believed and been faithful to the teachings of the church.

****

“Well,” he said carefully, “He did return as a Pastor. He asked us to join him - which I did, but my mother wouldn’t even think of going. I’m not going to repeat exactly what she said about the plan, but it was colourful. By this time, she and I did not see eye to eye - especially around my education. She begged me to stay, but the carefree and adventurous life my father promised was far more attractive than books. So I left.”

****

“Maybe one day you could make contact again? I’m sure she still loves you,” Rey suggested gently.

****

“Perhaps,” he replied thoughtfully. “I miss her.”

****

Her heart swelled with sorrow. It seemed almost crueler than the blow fate had dealt her - which was no choice at all - her parents were long gone. She couldn’t imagine having to choose between either one, how could such a choice be made without misgivings?

****

“Do you... regret leaving your mother?” she asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

****

“Regret… is not what I would call it. In retrospect,” he squeezed her a little tighter, “it was good, but I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had stayed with her.”

As the magnitude of all that he had shared with her sank him, Rey was dumbfounded. It was nothing like what she had expected, and now she was left full of questions that she didn’t dare ask, lest the answers perplex her further. 

****

He yawned.

****

“Canady is already out for my blood. As much as I don’t wish to, I really ought to get back to sleep. Tomorrow, do you think you could sneak away earlier?” he asked sleepily.

****

“Of course, go back to sleep Ben,” she said soothingly.

****

“I meant what I said earlier, Rey. I love you, I don’t deserve you,” he muttered into her ear as he drifted away.

****

She lay there for some time, mulling over the conversation.

****

It made sense, she told herself, if Pastor Han had found his true calling later in life, that he may have had an unsuitable marriage prior. It sounded like his wife was not at all what was expected of a Pastor’s wife. She was shocked that a wife would, or even  _ could, _ make such a decision. What could possess a woman to reject the calling of her husband, to disobey him? It was unfathomable.

****

So, she supposed it was logical that they would part as he continued the Lord’s work, but never speak of such a shameful situation. 

****

Just because it was out of her limited experience, it did not mean it was out of the question. 

****

Any further doubt in her mind as to the Solos and their purpose here, she kept imprisoned behind the wall in her mind, along with other things that were painful, but that she could do little about. 

_______________________________

****

The few days that followed were a like a dream for Rey. A dream where she could play at being Mrs. Benjamin Solo, married to the Pastor’s son. She stayed at the cottage for the next two nights, and they made love to each other just as passionately and intensely as they had the first. 

****

They made use of the table with great success, as well as the sofa, the floor of the sitting room while listening to music, the bathroom and the kitchen floor - recreating the scene the day he first moved in - but with a very pleasurable ending in this iteration.

****

Each time it was easier, more exciting, and a greater sense of what it was like to be happy and free.

****

What she saw in front of the mirror would stay with her forever.

****

It had started with the discussion of the magazines. It was the wee hours of the morning, having woken wrapped in each other's arms after a session of feverish lovemaking.

****

She wanted to understand what it was that had men so enthralled.

****

“Well,” Ben had replied, clearing his throat. “That part of you is particularly beautiful. I would gaze at you… there... all day if you would let me.”

****

She wrinkled her nose.

****

“I wouldn't know,” she said with distaste.

****

“Rey… have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?” he asked. She averted her eyes. It was scandalous to suggest she would do such a thing.

****

“You really should see what I see. You are beautiful.” 

****

He rose from the bed and flicked on the light switch. He busied himself pulling the full length mirror in the corner of the room to the bed. She enjoyed the sight of his naked form for just a moment, then her eyes grew wide as she realised what he intended.

****

“Ben…” she said, sitting up with the sheet still wrapped around her. “I’m not doing that.”

****

He stood behind the mirror and peered over, then checked to ensure the angle was as he wanted. He was awfully attractive as he went about his task. Once satisfied, he then sat next to her, his hand resting on her hip.

****

“My darling, you know I would never push you to do anything you didn’t want to do. But in this instance, will you trust me?” he asked, his eyes beseeching her while his mouth was pulled ever so slightly into an impish grin.

****

He patted the spot on the bed in front of the mirror.

****

It was impossible to resist, she was only mortal after all.

****

She slowly shifted over to sit beside him, taking the bedclothes with her. He chuckled at her modesty.

****

“Have it your way,” he said, as he moved behind her. She saw them both in the reflection, both wearing passion in the form of rumpled hair, high, pink cheeks and full red lips.

****

It was an attractive sight, she had to admit. Especially as his chin rested on her shoulder and his naked body wrapped around her. Perhaps she would allow him to take it a little further.

****

He saw her eyes drifting over his muscular arms and thighs, and caught her chin to steady her gaze back to her own reflection.

****

“For this exercise, it's very important for you to focus on you, not me. There will be plenty of time to ogle me later, my lascivious one,” he said firmly.

****

He sensed her relaxing in his arms, and moved his hands to her rib cage. His reflected eyes never left her.

****

She nodded at him, and he slowly peeled down the sheet to reveal her breasts. She could see her nipples were already darkened with arousal and pebbled under his touch. 

****

“You have the most beautiful breasts, and your nipples are like delicious candies I should like to loll around my tongue until the end of time,” he muttered into her ear.

****

The dull flame that throbbed between her legs increased to a wildfire as he cupped her breasts, brushing his thumbs over her stiff peaks. She moaned and arched as she threaded her hands back around his neck to expose herself to him a little more. 

****

She liked how her body looked in the mirror, even though she knew such things were prideful. Her skin was smooth and firm, athletic and lithe given the nature of her daily activities. 

****

His hands moved lower to stroke her stomach, pushing the sheet down to expose her hips and abdomen.

****

“This part of you is also delightful, I should like to dine from it. Perhaps one day I will?” His face was dark with desire, and she could feel his hardness pressed against her back. She moaned as his hand dipped below the sheet, and she spread her legs for him in eager anticipation.

****

He cupped her, hissing as he found her damp arousal. His own insistent need twitched against her back. She ground against it, feeling the dampness against her skin. He grunted in response.

****

“This is about you,” he growled in her ear. “You need to see. Look.”

****

She felt he was saying it to himself as much as he was to her.

****

His other hand began to peel the rest of the sheet away, until finally she was bare in front of the mirror, save for the way his other hand shielded her modesty. His hands were so big they were more than enough to provide coverage, and he brushed against her, and the now familiar tension began to coil within her more tightly.

****

She bit her lip, wanting to avert her gaze, but was unable to tear herself away. She needed to see herself through his eyes, to understand.

****

Her breath was caught high in her chest as she began to pant. Electricity pulsed through her as his fingers began to stroke her.

****

She blushed as she saw just a glimpse in the mirror.

****

He took his strokes a little longer, to reveal more. It made her whimper.

. 

“Rey, God I want you so badly,” he said, his voice ragged. “See, you are perfect. Pink, swollen and wet. When I look at you, it’s like heaven, ” his voice dripped like honey. He jerked against her, grinding against her backside. 

****

His fingers dipped into her, and she was so ready there was no resistance.

****

Oh, how she wanted him inside her, but she couldn’t break the spell. She had to watch, her hips canting in time to the thrust of his fingers. Her pants and shudders began to run together, her breasts moving and swaying in rhythm. 

****

It felt so good.

****

It was hypnotic, watching his fingers disappear and reappear again, coated in her wetness, which seemed to be rapidly increasing with each stroke. 

****

The sound of it was obscene, particularly when combined with grunts and moans coming from her. She arched against him as a particularly intense wave of pleasure hit, panting and grinding as he went harder.

****

“This is how I know what you need. What you want. Do you see how beautiful you are?” he purred into her ear.

****

She nodded, shuddering against him.

****

“Say it, say the words,” he panted. His fingers thrust faster as the pressure inside her threatened to burst, and he began to crook his fingers just slightly. She keened as his thick fingers continued to plunge inside her. The faster he went, the more she liked it and the wetter she became.

****

She saw herself as he did, aroused, needy and completely lost to him.

****

“I’m beautiful,” she moaned as she rocked against his hand.

****

“You are,” he said softly, nuzzling her ear. “I love you, every single part of you. But especially here.” He thrust his fingers again, but this time held them inside her, rubbing and stroking. She began to slump against him, losing control of her body as the pressure built higher and higher. 

****

“Keep looking at yourself,” he moaned in her ear, shifting so both hands were attending to her. “Don’t stop.”

****

The face she saw as she climaxed was beautiful. All of her was beautiful as she pulsed around him, shuddering, stuttering and moaning. He used his forearms to hold her to him, as her completion took hold.

****

As she came, he whispered in her ear how much he adored her, how much he loved her, how much he wanted to take care of her. Her heart was so full it was almost unbearable as wave after wave of pleasure took hold.

****

She would never forget it as long as she lived, what he did for her that day.

How he took away the shame and embarrassment she felt about her body, how by looking through his eyes she saw a beautiful, strong woman who was capable of, and deserved, incredible pleasure.

****

She lay there for some time, the shock of her climax slowly ebbing away, and she returned to equilibrium. His own need lay pressed against her, and taking matters into her own hands she knelt before him, taking him into her mouth as he was able to watch her in the mirror. He stroked her hair as she tended to him, watching her every move until he too shuddered to completion before they both collapsed into a deep slumber.

****

________________

****

Ben disappeared on Saturday night, once his father had returned from his visiting schedule, and she didn’t see him until Sunday morning. Mamma had thoughtfully arranged for Rey to travel with them to church in her absence.

****

Whatever discussion they were having inside the cottage carried outside. Both men wore the same dark look. 

****

“Gonna let me drive the Falcon today, Dad?” Ben said peevishly as he walked up to the car.

****

“No, son. But, I’m surprised that you are interested in taking over from your old man.” There was no mistaking the Pastor’s sardonic tone.

****

“I’m sure you are,” Ben said harshly, but quickly softening as he looked at Rey. “But let’s not do this now.”

****

It was awkward in the car, to say the least. She sat in the back seat, watching the two of them… well, bicker... for want of a better word.

****

“We need to talk, son. Rey won’t mind, will you sweetheart?” Pastor Han insisted, continuing despite no answer from her. Ben visibly bristled at his father’s words.

****

“The _ farm _ has been taking up too much of your attention. You have been neglecting your other responsibilities.” His father’s tone was firm.

****

_ Other responsibilities? _

****

“Coming here and me working for Canady was your idea, remember? Now that we have been here for a while, I find that I like the  _ farm _ very much. I even love the  _ farm _ . So much so that I never want to leave it,” Ben’s tone was just as strong.

****

Rey’s heart skipped a beat.

****

He wanted to stay?

****

“Well, the  _ farm _ doesn’t pay the bills,” his father pointed out.

****

“Maybe I think that some things are more important than money,” Ben glared at him.

****

His father thought for a moment before responding.

****

“Maybe you do.”

****

The rest of the journey passed with no further discussion. 

****

It was not the Pastor’s finest performance at the pulpit. The trademark glint in his eye and rakish charm was nowhere to be seen.

****

After the service, Rey desperately wanted to insist on walking home, alone. She had no desire to bear witness to another such exchange. 

****

But to refuse an offer of assistance from the Pastor, well, that went against everything she had been taught.

****

They all endured the drive home in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments and kudos you lovely readers have been sharing with me are the best. I fills me up so much to know people are enjoying my story.
> 
> So, things are starting to get a little interesting now aren't they? As promised there are exciting developments ahead. Let the games begin. The mirror scene I have had in my head for MONTHS. MONTHS I tell you.
> 
> So in the next chapter there is the church picnic. Poor Ben and Rey have been struggling to find along time - let your imagination to do rest (or mine).


	12. Son of a Preacher Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to unravel at the church picnic and life altering decisions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta and fandom wife [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife).

_ How well I remember, The look that was in his eyes _

_ Stealin' kisses from me on the sly _

_ Takin' time to make time, Tellin' me that he's all mine  _

_ Learnin' from each other's knowin',  _

_ And watchin' to see how much we've grown _

_ The only boy who could ever reach her, Was the son of a preacher man, _

Song by John Hurley, Ronnie Wilkins

Sung by Dusty Springfield

****

“Hurry Rey, we need to get into the car or we will be late!” Mamma bustled around the kitchen, packing and fussing, threading Spam and tinned pineapple chunks onto skewers in between tasks.

****

Mamma didn’t need to remind Rey to hurry along. It was Saturday, and the day of the church picnic, one of the biggest church fellowship events of the year. Rey was eager to get there as soon as possible. She had only caught glimpses of Ben in the week following the awkward car ride.

****

She missed him, and well,  _ him _ very much.

****

She had tried to take care of things for herself, with some measure of success - but it just was not the same.

****

Bazine and Mamma had returned from their trip down south, sullen and tense. Bazine had been miserable and surly while she was away, and Mamma was at her wits end dealing with it - in addition to the illness with her sister. 

****

The atmosphere made Rey miss Ben all the more, those few brief days had given her a taste of what life could be like living with the man you loved.

****

“Go get your sister,” Mamma huffed impatiently. “We should have left ten minutes ago. We will miss the car caravan.”

****

Rey raced up the stairs to find her, and was shocked to find Bazine climbing in through the window. Rey was familiar enough with post coital glow to recognise where she was returning from. 

****

Bazine had also been pining over the past fortnight.

****

“How is Poe?” Rey asked pointedly.

****

“Poe is fine,” Bazine said, and she didn’t look at Rey as she spoke.

****

“Mamma sent me to collect you. You can’t go looking like that,” Rey said firmly. She was very concerned with Bazine’s attitude, it could only make an already difficult situation far, far worse.

****

“Let people know what I have been doing, I don’t care,” Bazine said blithely. From the determined look on her face, it was not an empty claim.

****

“Please Bazine, just brush your hair and put on a fresh dress,” Rey begged. “Just do this for me. I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

****

Bazine huffed, and then finally met Rey’s eyes.

****

“If I must,” she said sullenly. Rey ignored her tone, relieved that Bazine at least agreed to be presentable.

****

“‘l’ll cover for you with Mamma, I’ll say you are feeling ill, and that’s why you are late. Don’t forget your ring.”

****

Bazine lip curled as she looked at the engagement ring carelessly tossed onto the bed. 

How many women in the county would have dreamed for such a token?  Yet, for Bazine it was a millstone around her neck.

****

As Rey headed back down to Mamma in the kitchen, Bazine called out, her voice infected with bitterness.

****

“You realise, Rey, if you play by their rules you will never be happy.” 

****

As Rey took the stairs her heart pounded in her chest. She felt it, there was a change in Bazine. Rey feared for her sister, and feared for herself. 

****

There was trouble coming, she was sure of it.

________

****

Rey’s own resolve to stay away from trouble melted the moment she saw him at the picnic. 

****

Ben was assisting with setting out the trestle tables and chairs. She watched him as he bent and flexed, her mouth dry and feeling like there was a gravitational pull to him. Her desire hit her with the force of a steam train. It had only been a week, and before that nineteen years, but now it was all she thought about.

****

Him, how he made her feel, what they had done together. It was on her mind constantly. 

****

She also noticed a group of young women nearby and her eyes narrowed as she saw they too were appreciative of his physique. Jealousy reared its head, overwhelming her.

****

Bazine walked past and bumped her arm.

****

“Stay cool, Rey,” she said into her shoulder.

****

Rey shook herself from her transfixed state and determined the time was right to place the potato salad she had made on the table.

****

As she made her way over, she felt a slight sashay cross her hips. Theoretically, she knew she should feel secure. He had told her that he loved her, had made love to her and worshipped every inch of her body. But it had been a week, and she needed to feel his eyes on her, wanting her.

****

His own eyes grew dark as he looked up and saw her approach. Just the slightest hint of a smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. She had seen that look before, she knew what it meant.

****

Her heart pounded with anticipation as she placed her potato salad next to the ten other potato salads that were already on the table. 

****

“Hope you are hungry,” she said. “It’s quite the spread, don’t you think?”

****

“I’m ravenous, and not just for your salad,” was his reply. Her desire increased a notch, and there was nothing that would stop her from having him as soon as possible. 

****

“It’s a lovely spot here,” she said lightly.

****

“Yes, like the river,” he said, as he stared at her lips.

****

“Very much like the river. Private, hidden away places,” she said.

****

“Lots of people here today. Two people would not be missed while lunch was being served,” he said.

****

“No, they would not,” she agreed. “Do we have what we need?”

****

He patted his shirt pocket.

****

“We have  _ everything _ we need,” he growled.

****

“Good,” she returned as she walked away. She assumed Ben was still watching her, but refused to turn around to be sure.

****

Catching up to Bazine she asked, “is he still looking at me?”

****

Bazine giggled before responding.

****

“Anyone would think that  _ you _ were the picnic.”

****

It was at least thirty minutes before the parishioners formed a line at the tables to serve themselves. Rey was aching with tension, once again it was as if time was still, and painfully slow.

****

A quick glance between them, and they slipped away unnoticed, both some distance apart - but headed deep into the woods in the same direction. She almost broke into a jog, she was so consumed with anticipation. 

****

There wasn’t much time, and she needed him.

****

After several minutes she caught a glimpse of him through the trees.

****

“Ben,” she called out softly. He swung around in the direction of her voice, his face cloaked with desire as he saw her. Her heart hammered in her chest as they drew closer together. As they met he grabbed her hand and lead her behind a large willow tree.

****

Their coupling was furtive and desperate. There was no time to be coy. Rey quickly pulled down her underwear, and allowed him to hoist her up against the tree. He had his pants around his ankles and pushed aside his shirt and lifted her skirts at the same time. They kissed deeply and passionately as he entered her easily, her legs wrapped around him and his fingers digging into her backside.

****

It was deeper than usual, she felt completely full, every inch of her connected to him.

****

“Rey, I missed you so much,” he groaned into her neck as he thrust into her.

****

“I missed you, too,” she panted, her head thrust back and eyes closed. “I can’t bear it without you.”

****

He continued to grunt in time to his movements, his hips snapping against her. She clawed at his shirt for purchase, her gasps and grunts beginning to come closer together. She held him tight against her, the rough bark of the tree pressing into her like a delicious scratch down her spine.

****

In no time at all she could feel the pressure well up inside her.

****

“You will be good like this?” he asked, taking her harder and harder.

****

She could only moan in reply.

****

Her orgasm overwhelmed her, she had no time to think - only to be completely wrapped up in the moment as she clenched and pulsed around him. While the idea of being caught strangely added to the excitement of it, as always she was grateful as he held his hand across her mouth as she bellowed. His own low groans as he shuddered inside her only heightened her pleasure.

"I love you, Rey."

"I love you, Ben."

The desire to be held was so strong, but they both knew they couldn’t stay. They had gambled with time as much as it was already. For now it was enough to sate the urge, but Rey had the sense it wouldn’t fulfil her for long.

****

She knew what it was to be held all through the night, to cling together in the afterglow and have no place to be and no place to go. This was not one of those times.

****

Rey returned to the picnic still in a post orgasmic glow. She stumbled a little, then straightened as she saw Pastor Han staring at her with an inscrutable look on his face, which quickly vanished as he turned his attention back to Mr. Hux Snr. and Mr. Canady.

****

She decided to busy herself at the serving tables, where the half eaten potato salads were warming in the afternoon sun. She was hungry, she had missed lunch after all to sneak away with Ben - but not  _ that _ hungry.

****

Mamma was talking with some of the church ladies, evidently about the upcoming wedding preparations if the level of her animation was anything to go by. Mamma talked of little else.

****

As Rey began to prepare the food for pack up, Bazine stormed past, arms crossed, with a furious Armitage trailing behind her.

****

“Leave me alone!” Bazine yelled, spinning around to point her finger at him. “I will  _ not _ go for a walk in the woods with you - not now, not ever. You disgust me.”

****

Several people turned to see the source of the commotion. Mamma’s face fell in shock, and she immediately crossed the grass to intervene. 

****

Bazine’s response had only inflamed Armitage further, and he had grabbed her extended hand.

****

“You would do well to respect your future husband,” he said through gritted teeth. “Such  _ false _ accusations will not be tolerated.” His face was red in rage, to match his hair, and spittle from his mouth sprayed onto his fiancée.

****

Rey’s stomach sank, it was an ugly, frightening display - the grip on Bazine’s arm looked almost painful as his hands pressed into the soft flesh of her wrist. Rey could see the white on her skin around his fingers as she tried to wrench herself from his grasp.

****

“Let me go! Don’t ever touch me again, you monster,” Bazine was not to be intimidated, returning his rage with a spitfire determination.

****

“You are to be my wife, and you will respect my authority,” he said, his voice low and dark with malevolent intent.

****

Bazine went white, then with one final tug she pulled herself free.

****

“Over my dead body, you pig,” she yelled. By now Mamma had reached the pair of them, beside herself to end the spectacle.

****

“Mr. Hux, my sincere apologies,” she gushed as she pulled Bazine away. “The poor dear has been hit awfully hard after the visit to her ailing aunt. She will be sure to be sorry for such a dreadful outburst. Rey, gather our things, it’s time for us to leave.” 

****

The steely grip on Bazine’s arm rivalled that of Armitage’s, but Bazine did not struggle against it.

****

“I will not be sorry, Mamma,” she said coldly. “It’s time to go home, I couldn’t agree more.”

****

The pair marched off back to the car, and Rey had never seen either Mamma so angry, nor Bazine so full of cold fury. She wished that she didn’t have to accompany them on the journey home, but there was little she could do about it. She searched for Ben as she gathered the Khai’s belongings, but he was nowhere to be seen.

****

She wondered if he had seen the outburst, and what he would have thought about it if he had. As she hurried, the path took her past the Pastor and other men. It seemed there was something in the potato salads - because their discussion appeared to be just as heated.

****

It looked as if both men were furious with the Pastor, who in turn looked as if he was ready to beat a path to anywhere but the church picnic.

****

“Pastor, the devil’s handy work has spread itself throughout the region. What will  _ you  _ do to protect your flock?” Mr. Canady looked as if he wanted to shirt front the Pastor as he spoke.

****

“Gentlemen, gentlemen.” Pastor Han responded with an open hand gesture. “I assure you this has my utmost attention. In fact, would you believe it is the topic of my sermon tomorrow?”

****

Rey had seen that trademark hand gesture the week before, when Pastor was denying Mamma the engagement announcement. It bothered her, almost as if the Pastor was being... insincere?

****

“Very convenient,” Mr. Hux Sr. replied, seemingly unconvinced.

****

“Very,” said Mr. Canady. “Almost as convenient as the house fire, wouldn’t you say?”

****

This time Mr. Hux did not rush to the Pastor’s defence at the mention of the house fire.

****

“Mr. Canady, I believe it would,” was his solemn agreement.

****

Pastor shifted the collar of his shirt, as if a noose was getting tighter and tighter, then his face lit up as he saw Rey walk past laden with their picnic offerings.

****

He abruptly turned and scooped a dish from her hands.

****

“Miss Rey, let me help you with that salad bowl.” 

****

“Thank you, Pastor,” she said, taken back in surprise. Then again, it did look as if the Pastor would do anything rather than remain in that conversation.

****

They walked together in silence for a moment, with the Pastor deep in thought.

****

As they approached the car, Rey could see the mood between Bazine and Mamma had not improved - in fact it looked worse.

****

Everywhere she turned there were disagreements and anger. She wished she had Ben beside her, but it could not be.

****

Pastor handed her back the dish, his brow furrowed and forehead lined.

****

“Rey, have you seen Ben? I need to speak with him, urgently.”

****

“No, Pastor. Why would I have seen him?” she said evasively.

****

“Sweetheart, I know about you and my son. If you can tell me where I can find him, I would be mighty grateful,” he said, direct in tone but not unkind.

****

She was flummoxed by his candor, at the same time she did not detect disapproval. Instead she felt resignation and concern.

****

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him since...,” she said, blushing - she really had no idea how to respond.

****

“Well, if you see him before me, tell him to come find me. We got trouble.”

****

Rey nodded, but remained silent.

****

The drive home was anything but.

****

As soon as the picnic ground was out of sight, Mamma and Bazine unleashed hell. Rey had never seen or heard anything like it before. Mamma, of course, was furious that Bazine had created such a scene, when really all that was needed was a firm no with a smile to his insistent request for a “walk”, while Bazine was incredulous that her mother would still insist on the marriage after the way Armitage had behaved.

****

Had almost threatened her. 

****

Had held her wrist so hard she thought it might bruise.

****

Mamma was unmoved, for if Bazine had handled herself properly it would have never come to pass. Bazine should know how to manage a man and his temper by now.

****

A series of slammed doors indicated that Bazine had once again retreated to her room.

****

The next morning fared no better, with Bazine refusing to come out of her room for church. Mamma threatened her with being sent to her aunt's home indefinitely, but Bazine would not be persuaded.

****

Later, Rey took her seat next to Mamma at church as was customary, but there was something different this time. The air in the small wooden church had shifted, and it was nearly as oppressive as usual - like the windows had been opened and a breeze had been allowed to filter through its close confines.

****

Rey watched Ben’s head closely throughout the sermon, remembering how to felt to run her fingers through his glossy locks as she held his head to her thighs, how soft it felt against her neck as he groaned into her. 

****

She no longer felt the need to censor her thoughts. It seemed pointless to try in any case, she could no more quell her desire for Ben Solo any more than she could stop the earth spinning on its axis.

****

She paid little heed to Pastor Han’s words, although she shifted a little uncomfortably as he spoke of the evils of alcohol and how it was a blight across the county that must be stopped. The Bible was clear - that abstinence was the only acceptable position when it came to drinking, as per the instruction from the church and from its leaders. As per usual, he quoted the various scriptures from the Bible which supported his words.

****

Again, it was as if the light had gone out within him, and the once charismatic leader was gone. His replacement was gruff and prickly. Ben seemed similarly disaffected, it looked as if he was paying little heed to his father’s words.

****

Suddenly the Pastor’s demeanor shifted. He closed the Bible and placed it back on the pulpit before continuing. He closed his eyes and then looked directly at his son.

****

“A final word. Recently, I have had pause to reflect the role of a parent.”

****

Rey saw Ben stiffen and snap his head toward his father.

****

The Pastor continued. 

****

“Our children are a blessing, and a gift from the moment of conception. Parents must lead the way, provide an example of the principles of marriage, instill good moral values and show how to make decisions based on truth rather than easy answers.”

****

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

****

“The church teaches that children are to always honor and obey their parents. I disagree.”

****

Shock rippled through the congregation. Rey was similarly confused.

****

“Parents are fallible creatures. No more divine than a breath of wind. Blind obedience ensures we pass our failings on to our children. Especially where good moral example has been sorely lacking. It is, therefore, for us to atone for that burden we place on our children, until the end of our days.”

****

Rey had never heard such a sermon before, one which deliberately and purposefully opposed the church. She understood somehow that this message was for Ben. Whether it was in relation to her, for she was still acutely aware that the Pastor knew of their relationship, or some other matter wasn’t clear. 

****

Was it in relation to the Pastor’s relationship with his wife? That it had somehow led to Ben’s downfall with her? It didn’t seem to make sense, the previous day the Pastor had not seemed concerned about their relationship at all. There had to be more to it.

****

The notion that not all was what is seemed with the Solo men rose within her again, and the need to speak to Ben - to ask him what on earth it was that his father meant - gripped her. There was no time, however, for Mamma was in no mood to face anyone after yesterday’s outburst from Bazine.

****

Rey sprinted up the stairs the moment they arrived home. The house was eerily quiet - empty even.

****

As she burst into the bedroom, the reason for it was clear. Rey’s side of the room remained untouched, just as she had left it earlier that morning. On the other side were empty closets, bare drawers laid open as if there was no time to set them right again. 

****

Rey’s heart sank.

****

Mamma’s shrieks soon filled the house, followed by agonised wails. Rey followed them to the sitting room, to see Mamma collapsed on the floor, broken and bereft. In her hand she clutched a letter. 

****

Rey didn’t need to see the signature to know who it was from.

****

Mamma looked up, seeing Rey.

****

“Did you know?” she asked tearfully.

****

“Know what, Mamma?” Rey asked, although she knew the question, and the answer.

****

“That Bazine was going to run away and marry Poe Dameron, one of the farm hands,” came the mournful reply.

****

“No, Mamma. I didn’t know,” Rey responded truthfully.

****

“Did you know of their relationship?”

****

“Yes, Mamma,” Rey responded, heart in her throat.

****

There was a pregnant pause, before Mamma responded.

****

“Get out of my sight,” was the cold reply.

****

Back in the safety of her room, Rey was grateful to shut the door behind her. She sat on the edge of her bed, in shock but also in relief.

****

She would miss Bazine dreadfully, and there was the distinct possibility that Rey would never see her again. But, Bazine would not marry Armitage, and instead she had made the choice to marry the man she loved. 

****

Rey wished that was a choice she could make for herself. But it was quite impossible, for even if Ben did ask her to marry him, she would have great difficulty producing her adoption papers for the marriage licence. They were kept under lock and key somewhere in the attic, and Mamma would never agree to giving them to her willingly - and it could take months to find them. The adoption agency would be reluctant to provide her a second set, and in the time it would take Ben could be long gone.

****

So Bazine was free, but Rey was as trapped as ever.

****

She flung herself face first into the bed, her eyes damp with tears. The sound of crackling paper underneath her pillow was odd, and startled, she lifted it to see a letter addressed to her atop a manila envelope which bore the faded name of the adoption agency that she had came from. 

****

With shaking hands she opened the letter.

****

_ My dearest sister, _

****

_ I wish I could have taken you with me. You deserve freedom as much as I do. _

****

_ Remember, if you play by their rules you will never be happy, sometimes risks must be taken. _

****

_ I love you, Rey, and with these adoption papers I hope you will find happiness. I hope we find each other again. _

****

_ Love forever and always, _

****

Bazine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos give me creative energy, so feel free to leave one or both.
> 
> So many things went down in this chapter right? Finally Bazine is free - but what does this mean for Rey? What will Mamma do? At the same time, it also looks like things are catching up with the Solo men. Tune in next week to find out how things start to go down.


	13. Do you want to know a secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the mystery of the Solo men is finally revealed, but what does that mean for Rey - especially in the aftermath of Bazine’s elopement?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta and fandom [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife).
> 
> So, it's time for the big reveal - just what IS the deal with Pastor Han and Ben? I really hope it is worth it!

Listen, do you want to know a secret?

Do you promise not to tell?

Whoa-oh-oh, closer

Let me whisper in your ear

Say the words you long to hear

****

Sung by the Beatles

Lyrics by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

********  
  


Early the next day, the house was veiled in shameful mourning, and the gossip network had ensured news of the elopement had reached the town.

****

Rey knew that if it had been an actual death, the community would have rallied around the Khai family to offer support and casseroles. But Bazine was gone forever, under scandalous circumstances, and no-one wanted to be remotely associated with it. Especially given it was the esteemed and influential Hux Family that had been slighted in such a public way - first by Bazine’s outburst at the picnic, and then by her running away with a farm hand.

****

It had occurred to Rey that it was ironic that Mamma’s pursuit of a fine match for her daughter had meant the betrayal would have a far greater aftermath. It would be impossible for Mamma to hold her head high in church again, she would be a social pariah as long as she remained here.

****

Rey had not seen Mamma since she had been sent out of her sight. Not knowing what else to do, Rey had set about her usual chore schedule, and had filled the kitchen with the delicious smell of Georgia peach cookies.

****

Ben very much liked her peach jam. She hoped he would enjoy her cookies, too. 

****

As she worked, she pushed the fear in her chest down harder and harder. What would become of her now that Bazine had run away with Poe - and Mamma knew that she has helped keep the relationship a secret? Would Mamma send her away to work for another family? Would she be kept at the farm, tending to an old woman - heartbroken and scorned - living as a nobody, unacknowledged, unappreciated and unloved?

****

She supposed she had her adoption papers, which was something. She had shakily torn open the sealed packet, and she had to admit she was heartbroken that the mystery of her parents was not revealed. She has prayed for a clue, any clue at all, but the papers only revealed what she already knew about herself and her adoptive parents.

****

She had shed tears at her disappointment and her foolishness, but she knew there was nothing that could be done. She lived in a closed adoption state, and there was no way for her to uncover any further details. She wished it was different with all her heart.

****

She was well practiced at reminding herself that it didn’t matter who her parents were, her home was with the Khai’s, and she ought to be grateful for their generosity. But her mantra rang hollow with Bazine gone and Mamma not speaking to her. She missed a family with no names, no faces and no memories.

****

She did not know what the future held for her - but it seemed grim in any case. Even Ben was not entirely a source of light for her - she hadn’t seen him since their frantic coupling at the church picnic, and it tore at her that it had been so fleeting. To have had such an intimate moment, and then not being able to bask in it afterward. It made his absence all the harder to bear.

****

The mystery of the Solo men only added to her list of worries.

****

Pushing the thought away, she considered whether another batch of cookies were in order. Lost in thought, the sound of a throat clearing behind her jolted her from her reverie, and she spun around.

****

Ben was a welcome sight standing in the doorframe, the morning sun like a halo around him.

****

“Ben!” she squealed, forgetting to be quiet as she threw herself at him, raining his face with kisses as she hung on to his neck for dear life. “Where have you been? Bazine has eloped with Poe - surely you have heard the news? I missed you so much!” 

****

Her excitement died down as she saw the serious look on his face, and she unthreaded her arms from his neck and took a step back. Fear clawed at her heart a little more, and she was terrified that the day when he would leave had come to pass. To lose Ben and Bazine would be too much for her to bear.

****

“Ben?” she said softly.

****

“Rey,” he said, clearing his throat nervously, “we need to talk. But first I need you to come with me.”

****

She could feel the panic building within her, her sense that only trouble awaited her seemed entirely founded.

****

“No, talk to me first,” she said, obstinence standing in place of her terror. 

****

“Sweetheart, please trust me. It’s much easier if I show you at the same time, and we can’t talk freely here. The walls have ears.”

****

She pursed her lips in deliberation, torn between demanding that he tell her immediately, and agreeing to his request.

****

“Please,” he begged as he held out his hand. 

****

“Fine,” she said. She didn’t take his hand, and Ben slowly withdrew it, sensing that her agreement was all she was willing to give.

****

“Follow me,” he said gruffly.

****

They walked in uncomfortable silence towards the caretaker’s cottage, and the closer they got, the more filled with trepidation Rey became. What was it that had changed the connection between them from warm and loving to distant and secretive?

****

She had a sinking feeling it was wrapped up in whatever trouble the Pastor had mentioned to her at the picnic. She knew this meant that Ben was hiding something from her, too. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know - what if it was something unforgivable? She would give anything to turn back time, to go back to the idyllic week she and Ben had shared.

****

To her surprise they continued beyond the cottage and towards the garage around the back. The Falcon was not there, so the Pastor must not be in. It suddenly occurred to her how odd it was that the Pastor never parked his beloved car in the garage. What else was in there that could take precedence?

****

There was a large padlock on the garage door, and it looked like something that Fort Knox would use to secure its gold. Rey wanted to run, run back to her room, hide under the bed, go down to the river, anything but have her heart shattered by what Ben wanted to show her.

****

After the longest time working the lock, Ben finally worked it open. He gave a furtive look around before opening the door just slightly, then quickly shut it again.

****

“Rey,” he said thickly. “I love you. I hope that after I explain myself, and the situation, that you will still love me, too.” His eyes were clouded with fear.

****

She knew in fairytales that love conquers all, but fairytales didn’t often involve secretive behaviour, charismatic but oddly behaved Pastors, and padlocked garages. She said nothing - she was too afraid - terror had struck her throat and rendered her mute.

****

He opened the door and quickly shuffled her into the dark interior of the garage, then closed it firmly behind him. Dust hung in the air, revealed by the dappled sunlight that shone through the cracks. She was not sure what she was expecting, but all she could see were crates and crates, stacked against the walls, and the tell tale drag marks on the dirt floor. 

****

She turned to him expectantly, head tilted to the side in question.

****

He shuffled awkwardly and looked around.

****

“Rey, I haven’t been entirely honest with you. I have shared some of my past, but concealed the parts I thought would harm you, or drive you away from me. But now, well, I can’t do that anymore. My father and I…,” he took in a deep breath, “we have to leave town. Things are closing in on us, and we need to go before it’s too late.”

****

“Too late for what?” Rey’s head was swimming with emotion. The news that he was actually leaving hit her like a steam train - even though she had felt it coming. It was her worst fears realised.

****

“To avoid jail,” he said sheepishly, his eyes downcast.

****

Her world came down crashing around her, and there was no anchor for her, nothing for her to hold on to.

****

“Ben, I don’t understand. Why would you go to jail? You aren’t making any sense. We promised never to leave each other. We  _ promised, _ ” she said, tears welling in her eyes that spilled out onto her cheeks. 

****

He made as if to comfort her, but she put up her hand to stop him. She knew if she melted into his arms she would be lost, and she couldn’t allow herself to do that. He had to come clean with her first.

****

“Tell me, please,” she begged.

****

He shifted uncomfortably.

****

“I told you that when I was fifteen, my father returned home to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Well, he had a new business opportunity, he was to be in charge of sales and distribution, and I was in charge of accounts.” His voice trailed away again.

****

She huffed with impatience.

****

“Ben Solo, you will be clear with me now, or I will walk out the door,” she surprised herself with the forcefulness of her words, but she was exasperated by his evasion.

****

“Bootlegging,” he mumbled.

****

“Bootlegging….” she repeated slowly. Had she heard him correctly? How could a Pastor run a bootlegging racket? Her mind scrambled to make sense of it, but clarity eluded her entirely.

****

“My father and I sell gin. Illegally,” he said.

****

“I know what bootlegging is,” Rey said sharply. “But how on earth did a Pastor get mixed up in a bootlegging business?”

****

He winced at her tone.

****

“Being a Pastor is a cover,” he said flatly. “No one expects a Pastor to be involved in a bootlegging business, and by the time anyone gets a whiff we head off to the next town. When the posting here came up, my father jumped at the chance - being a dry country and all. Business has been very, very good.”

****

She couldn’t believe her ears.

****

“But Ben - it’s wrong,” she said incredulously. “You are deceiving people, and you deceived me,” she choked.

****

He ran his hands through his hair before his face contorted with anguish.

****

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It is my greatest regret. I came so close to telling you, especially after our first time together.” Her heart thawed a little at his apology, but she quickly hardened it again before she crumbled. She couldn’t lose her resolve, she had to understand everything he was telling her. 

****

A terrible thought suddenly occurred to her, an inkling that had been growing in her ever since Mr. Canady had confronted Pastor Han at the fellowship dinner.

****

“The fire. It was deliberate, wasn’t it?” she said bluntly.

****

He nodded. 

****

“The logistics were terrible in the centre of town, but this place had all the access we needed, including the river,” he replied. His shoulders stooped low, and he clearly felt ashamed.

****

But Rey was in no mood to be gentle, and anger began to course through her.

****

“The parsonage belonged to the church - to the town, and you burnt it to the ground because you wanted a better  _ warehouse _ .” She was horrified. It was so selfish, so destructive, and so calculating, it made her ill to think he would be responsible for something like that.

****

“So why are you telling me now, then? One final misdeed before you leave me for dust?” she said pointedly, placing her hands on her hips. She surprised herself with the forthrightness of her reply, the more the conversation progressed, the more she was gaining clarity and the ability to find her voice.

****

“No, no,” he said earnestly, and took another step towards her. “I want to join me, Rey. I want to marry you, make you my wife, live out the rest of my days by your side. I want to be a good husband and father, be everything that you deserve. Treat you like the queen you are, worship you, adore you and love you forever. We can get married at the courthouse first thing and lodge the paperwork before we leave.” 

****

His proposal immediately dissolved her anger. Dumbstruck, she had no response. The man she loved had just asked for her hand, and was offering her all that she had ever dreamed of. Offering her escape from the dreadful situation she found herself in with Mamma, an empty life full of loneliness and desperation. But it didn’t seem like the freedom and happiness she longed for. Certainly, she could see herself loved and cherished for the rest of her days. But a life on the run? Forever looking over her shoulder and uprooting her children as often as Ben had been?

****

That was not freedom and happiness. It was swapping one sentence for another, and she was not sure on balance which was worse. In her silence, he had begun to nervously fish in his pocket, and pulled out two gold bands - which he then held shakily in the palm of his hand.

****

“I bought these today,” he said. Looking at him she could see how close he was to tears, and she knew he was being genuine. “Tonight the men that work for my father will come to take all the inventory up the river to Hartwell to distribute along the various routes, then we have to go. If we leave tomorrow, we still have a chance to make a fresh start in Rochester.”

****

“Rochester?” she asked.

****

“Rochester, New York, on Lake Ontario. Prohibition may be done and dusted, but there is still money to be made smuggling across the border,” he said carefully, trepidation written across his face. “I have to provide for us, Rey, for our family. It’s all I know.”

****

“Near  _ Canada _ ?” she said incredulously. That was about as far away from Georgia as you could get. When she had imagined far away places she might visit when she was a young girl, Rochester, New York was not on the list.

****

It was all too much for her to take, the enormity of his confession and his proposal weighed on her, threatening to drag her under.

****

“Rey, sweetheart, you haven’t answered my question,” he said softly. “Will you marry me?”

****

He held out the rings again, his hand still shaking. She looked into his eyes and saw all of it - love, fear, regret and sorrow. For a large man, he suddenly seemed small.

****

“I love you, Rey,” he said. 

****

It was on the tip of her tongue to declare her affection in return, but something held her back.

****

“I need time to think,” she replied.

****

“Please don’t take too long,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion. “We leave right after the last crate is gone.”

****

“I won’t,” she assured him. She knew this was the most important decision of her life, one that could alter the course of her destiny for better or worse. But fate had decided that she would not be given the chance to carefully consider her options.

****

As she turned to leave he gently grabbed her hand to stop her. He was so close, and she could almost drown in his eyes. She knew she still loved him, despite what he had confessed. She couldn’t shake that, she was bound to him.

****

But could she compromise herself to be with him?

****

“Before you go, please, just consider coming even if you don’t marry me. I can’t leave you here to wither away, Rey, so even if my past and my future is too much for you to contemplate - then come with me anyway, and I will make sure you are cared for. I have a little money.”

****

His offer had stopped her dead in her tracks. He would do that for her? Give her her freedom without expectation in return? 

****

“You would do that?” she whispered. “But you asked me to never leave you?”

****

His grip on her hand became a little tighter.

****

“I love you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, including letting you go. If I had to,” he said, his face set in resoluteness. “I will carry a torch for you for the rest of my days. But if being with me is exchanging one prison for another - I couldn’t live with myself. In time you would grow to resent me as much as you would resent Mrs. Khai if you stay.”

****

She blinked in surprise.

****

“You know about Mamma?” She was sure she had not shared Mamma’s intentions with Ben. It was too pathetic and needy, and she had wanted to live in an imaginary world where Ben would want to marry her, not out of pity, but out of love.

****

“Bazine left me a note. In it, she told me of Mrs. Khai’s plans for you to remain on the farm till her death.” Ben shook his head. “That’s not a life, Rey. You deserve more than that.”

****

Did she deserve more than that? She wasn’t sure. It was one thing to desire it - but to deserve it was not something she had considered. 

****

Overwhelmed and confused, she knew she needed space to come to terms with his offers. There was no way she could make a clear decision with him right before her. Every time she looked at him, she was filled with a sense of love and longing, and it would be foolish for her to make a choice based on emotions alone.

****

“I will tell you of my decision tonight. I have a lot to think about.” She gently tugged at her hand, and he let her go.

****

She didn’t remember her journey back to the house and into her room. Snapped from her fugue, she found herself sitting on her bed, Bazine’s letter and her adoption papers in her lap. 

****

She laughed ruefully at Bazine’s orchestrations. Without Bazine, Ben’s offer would be fanciful - because without her papers it would be impossible.

****

His words hung before her, three choices she had to make when only thirty minutes ago she had only one. Her fate had always been decided for her, and now she must select a path to follow - and with Bazine gone and Ben being the choice - she had no one to turn to for advice.

****

She had never felt more alone.

****

She could marry Ben, travel with him to Rochester, live the life of a smuggler’s wife. There would be happiness - but the dark cloud of prison would always be hanging over them.

****

She could leave with Ben, allow him to establish her somewhere new, in a new life that she could choose. She could be as moral and upstanding as she pleased, ignoring where the money had come from, but she would not have him. 

****

Or, she could stay. Live out the life that had been set out for her by Mamma - caring for an old woman until the end of her life, if Mamma would still have her, or start again with a new family as their domestic help. It was hardly appealing, but seemed like the least risky of all the options. There was also a stirring within her for Mamma, she pitied her - for all her terrible actions, Mamma loved her daughter fiercely - and from her perspective was doing the right thing. Even though it clearly was not. Could she leave Mamma with no one? Was that fair? 

****

There was still the magnitude of what he had confessed. The bootlegging, the  _ fire _ . How could she reconcile that with the man she knew to be sweet, gentle, loving and passionate? She supposed he could be both, life wasn’t like the movies - where the hero wears white and the villain is dressed in black. 

****

Her mind drifted back to the sermon from the day before. She gasped as she made the connection to Ben’s confession and the Pastor’s words. Was that what Pastor Han had meant by a burden placed on children by their parents? The burden that he had placed onto his own son?

****

Her heart went out to fifteen year old Ben, who longed for a connection with his father, and to escape his circumstances - and paid the price of his morality for it. She understood that desperate need. It had been with her her whole life. Even with the Khai family, she never truly felt at ease, the only place she ever felt she belonged was in Ben’s arms. 

****

She thought the decision she was facing at nineteen was the same that Ben did four years ago. Love - but with a hefty price, or loneliness - with stability.

****

Was there a way where she could have both? Love and stability?

****

Paused at the fork in the road, she was suddenly alerted to a commotion coming from somewhere else in the house. With a sinking stomach, she remembered the cookies in the oven that would be charred ashes by this time. She bolted down the stairs as quickly as her legs would carry her.

****

As she burst into the smoke filled kitchen, she saw Mamma pulling out the cremated remains of the cookies, quickly shoving the tray in the sink and turning the faucet on to cool it down. Her eyes narrowed as she saw Rey.

****

“Not content with taking my daughter from me, now you want to burn the house down as well?” she spat.

****

Rey was shocked by the accusation. While she was certainly aware of the relationship with Poe, she had very little to do with Bazine’s decision. Anger at the injustice welled within her, and she stood a little taller. 

****

Mamma’s eyes grew wide as she saw the change in Rey’s demeanor. No longer the meek and grateful orphan, Rey was tired of toeing the line, playing by the rules, doing what was expected of her. It hadn’t done her any good, she still found herself in this terrible situation - and it was clear that Mamma had no intention of letting Rey remain unscathed.

****

“I didn’t take Bazine away! She left because you wanted her to marry that disgusting man.” she exclaimed.

****

“No, Bazine left because you were a bad influence. You lead her astray, and you ruined not only her life, but mine with it!” Mamma blustered, she was clearly taken aback by the vehemence of Rey’s words. 

****

Rey set her jaw. This was not her fault, and it was ludicrous to suggest that someone as docile as her would have been able to exert such power over her free spirited sister. Plus, Rey was angry - not just at Mamma for the accusation, but for treating Bazine as if she was a commodity to be bartered with.

****

“No Mamma,” she said, taking a step towards her, and to her surprise Mamma shrank back against the sink in response. Rey pointed her finger to drive her words in harder. “You  _ pushed _ her to Poe. If she hadn’t been so desperate to flee Armitage, the entire thing could have run its course, and Bazine might have lost interest. But, you backed her into a corner, and she had no choice but to leave.”

****

Mamma’s jaw dropped at the forcefulness and disrespect being shown to her. 

****

“How dare you! After all I have done for you. You ungrateful wretch!” she stammered.

****

“I’m not ungrateful. You took me in, raised me, gave me a home. I am forever grateful for the life you have given me. But it does not mean that you own my mind and my soul. That is not a fair exchange.” As the words came to her, Rey realised their truth. 

****

She owed Mamma nothing but her gratitude for the years of care that had been given. Nothing more, and nothing less.

****

The older woman blinked at her, clearly unable to comprehend what was happening in her kitchen. 

****

“Clean up this mess, or there will be trouble,” Mamma said, beating a hasty retreat to retain the last word.

****

Once alone, Rey braced herself against the sink for support as the enormity of the exchange washed over her. She had pushed back, and had stood up for herself and for Bazine. Every word she had spoken was the truth. She coughed as the smoke still hung in the air, so she quickly went about opening the windows and doors to clear it away.

****

She made quick work of the clean up, although she shook as she went, the adrenaline rush left her feeling depleted. She wished she had a cookie to replenish her, but made do with a tall glass of lemonade instead. She supposed the cookies were a sort of sacrificial lamb, forsaken so she could see that she was truly capable of taking a stand. Perhaps she was not so docile after all?

****

She retreated to her room to return to her contemplation.

****

She still didn’t find any of the choices before her palatable. Each one required a sacrifice that she was unable to make. Was there another way?

****

Exhausted, she collapsed into bed and slept the afternoon away. When she woke, she laid there for a long time, starting at the ceiling. A new clarity, a new sense of purpose came to her. She understood what she needed to do, and what her choice had to be.

****

There was no other way to secure her happiness.

****

Resolutely, she packed her meager belongings into a hessian potato sack she retrieved from the kitchen. She snorted, it was hardly a glamorous getaway, but she could hardly ask Mamma if Bazine had left any luggage behind.

****

She then went down to the kitchen to prepare dinner, a simple meal of cold meat and vegetables. She left a tray of the same outside Mamma’s bedroom door, tapping gently to let Mamma know it was there. 

****

Rey didn’t receive a response - nor did she expect one.

****

Darkness was falling, and Rey knew that the “inventory” - as Ben had put it, would soon be making its way down to the river. Once done, the Solo’s would be getting in the Falcon and going on to their next adventure, their next hustle.

****

She waited patiently for the right time, Mamma had still not emerged from her room - which Rey was grateful for. She was in no shape for another confrontation, she needed every ounce of her inner fire for Ben.

****

When night cloaked the farm she crept past Mamma’s door. The tray was gone. Once downstairs, she placed her goodbye letter to Mamma on the hall stand.

****

She very much hoped that she would not need to collect it back if she returned to the house with Ben gone and her tail between her legs.

****

She made her way to the garage, she could hear the commotion coming from behind the cottage, and she knew preparations were underway.

****

When she reached the front gate, she turned to take what she hoped was one last look at the farm house, which was lit by moonlight. Nostalgia welled within her as she took in the porch, the swing, and the gables where she and Bazine had spent so much time together when they were girls, spinning tales of their future lives together.

****

It was nothing like it actually turned out, she thought ruefully.

****

With a heavy sigh she pushed open the gate, and made her way to the garage. As she drew closer the activity became clearer, men’s voices, the shuffling of crates, and the sound of car doors opening and closing.

****

Rey saw Ben first, packing a suitcase in the trunk of the Falcon, and as always, she was struck by how much she loved him. Utterly and completely. 

****

She hoped he would make the right choice.

****

The garage was a hive of activity, and she could see that soon the operation would be finished. As he slammed down the trunk he saw her, and his face beamed in the moonlight as he ran towards her.

****

He went to gather her into his arms, but she put out her hand to stop him. He stumbled forward from the loss of momentum, a lock of hair falling across his forehead.

****

She longed to push it from his face, but she clenched her hand instead. She needed to have a clear head for the both of them. 

****

“Ben, I have come to tell you that I cannot accept any of your offers. I will not marry you and be a smuggler's wife, and I will not travel with you to live somewhere new but without you.”

****

In the moonlight she could make out the confusion on his face. They stared at each other, the tension so palpable a knife could cut through it.

****

Her shaky intake of breath betrayed her nerves. She pressed on before she lost her courage.

****

“I have a counter offer. I want you to be a good husband to me, and a good father to our children. But most of all, I want you to be a good man for yourself. I want you to join  _ me, _ Ben. Don’t go with your father, but take me to New York City, to your mother. We can build a life together. A real one, an honest one - on our own terms, where we can truly be happy and free.”

****

Ben’s jaw dropped open, stunned by her proposal. The silence hung between them, and her anxiety had started to build in earnest. She was staking everything on him agreeing to her conditions. If he rejected them, then she would have no choice but to go back to the house, destroy the note, unpack her things and wait for her life to be over.

****

“Rey, I don’t know what else to do. It’s all I know,” he replied, worrying his jaw.

****

She raised her chin a little higher.

****

“Then we find a new path together. I love you, Ben, and we can make this work,” she said firmly. Inside she was a storm of emotions - but she knew this was right. She knew this was what she had to do. “We don’t have much time, and you need to make a decision.” 

****

She prayed he would make the right one. Behind them, Pastor Han (or should it just be Han now?) came up and tapped Ben on the shoulder.

****

“I see the little lady is going to join us. Excellent, let’s get out of here before the fuzz gets wind of our little operation. Rochester, here we come!”

****

Han then stopped still as he read the body language between the two of them. Ben cleared his throat and addressed his father, but his eyes never left Rey for a moment.

****

“We aren’t going to Rochester, Dad. First, you will take us to the courthouse where we can get married. Then you are going to take Rey and I to New York. To mom.” Ben said slowly.

****

Rey’s heart soared, and it took every bit of her self control to stop herself from throwing her arms around him. Tears of relief began to spill down her cheeks, Ben smiled at her, and she knew everything was going to be alright. They would be happy and free, they just needed to negotiate their safe passage to New York.

****

Han did a double take and raked his fingers through his hair.

****

“Son, you want me to go to a courthouse? While we are trying to flee the state? Then take you to your mom? You know how I feel about New York. Have you lost your freaking mind?” Han said incredulously. 

****

“I’ve never been more certain in my life.That’s exactly what I need you to do.” Ben’s grin widened a little more.

****

Rey couldn’t help but add. “That would be one way for you to start atonement, like you said on Sunday. That sermon was directed at Ben, wasn’t it? The bit about the sins of the father.. that was what you meant?”

****

Han snorted, clearly put out by being trapped in his own words, while Ben threw back his head and laughed. 

****

“She nailed you there, dad. Told you she reminded me of mom.” He chuckled.

****

Han looked at them, his shoulders flagging as he realised that Ben had made a choice, though it was not the choice that Han had intended. Defeated, Han pointed his finger at the both of them in cantankerous resignation.

****

“Fine, I’m gonna do it,” he grumbled. “But I’m not gonna like it. If we end up in jail, it’s gonna be all your fault.”

****

Ben shrugged. “I’m willing to take the risk.”

****

Han stormed off to the car, calling out behind him. “Well come on then, lovebirds,” his voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Let’s find the courthouse closest to the border, get you hitched, and then get the fuck out of here.”

****

Ben reached for her, grabbing her by the waist to spin her around, then flung her over his shoulder to run to the car. Rey squealed and hung on to him for dear life, her hessian sack banging against his back.

****

He gently placed her in the back seat of the Falcon and slid in after her. Han started the car, and then slowly made their way out to the driveway.

****

Rey silently said goodbye to the only home she had ever known, and to the only family she could remember. She was embarking on a new adventure with Ben, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss part of her old life.

****

Ben squeezed her hand softly as she rested it on the seat, then drew her close to him. He kissed her forehead and whispered to her. 

****

“I love you. It’s you and me against the world, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, so was it worth the wait?
> 
> Our lovebirds are still not out of the woods just yet, don't be thinking its all smooth sailing from here. I have 5 more chapters to write and an epilogue.
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day.


	14. We gotta get out of this place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben accepted Rey’s counter offer and now they have to leave the past - and the state - behind them. Do they have time to get married first? Ben thinks so, but Han is not so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta and fandom [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife).
> 
> Just thought I would plug the playlist for this fic [Little Mistake’s Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ODYgdTweGk8Z6TCAuxvLK?si=3RGKDZ2STVuMk1igeX7uog), some of the songs haven’t been featured in the chapters yet, so there are clues maybe?

_ We gotta get out of this place _

_ If it's the last thing we ever do _

_ We gotta get out of this place _

_ 'Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you _

****

Sung by the Animals

Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

****

Rey could see from her vantage point on the back seat that it was a beautiful fall morning. As she craned her neck to peer out the window, she could make out the spanish moss covered branches of the oak trees they had parked under for the night.

****

Han snored, and in the close confines of the Falcon it seemed even louder. Rey had woken up on the back seat - entangled in Ben’s arms. As she roused, it had taken her a moment to place where she was, but she knew it was warm and safe under a blanket with him. She nestled back into him a little more, his forearm holding her close so she didn’t topple onto the floor. She shuddered as she felt his morning arousal pressed against her. 

****

Not long, she reminded herself.

****

She lazily ran her fingers up and down his forearm, marvelling at the fact that they were together, and were about to be married.

****

Soon she would be known as Mrs. Benjamin Solo, and she squeezed his wrist in excitement at the thought. It was beyond her comprehension that only 24 hours ago she was baking cookies and wondering what was to become of her. 

****

Today she knew her fate.

****

Han had tried his hardest to convince them to wait, and keep on driving up the 1-95 to New York City. Ben wouldn’t hear of it, so instead they had driven five hours across the state to the outer city limits of Savannah, to wait until the local courthouse opened.

****

“New York is days away, Dad. It has to be now,” Ben had insisted, his hand tightly gripping Rey’s as he spoke. “I have followed you these past ten years. It’s time you do this for me. I don’t know the laws in New York, but I do know if we get married here that we can be married straight away.”

****

Han was unmoved by his son's statement.

****

“This might cost me, might the most expensive courthouse wedding this century if we get caught and I have to pay our way out of it, or call in a favour - if that’s even an option,” Han had grumbled. “You know sometimes people get married at a courthouse to  _ save _ money. What’s a few days, son?”

****

“Sure, Dad,” Ben scoffed, “I mean, how long did you wait after you and Mom decided to get married after you proposed…was it one day - or two? Of course, her fancy family was simply overjoyed after the two of you ran off to get hitched in some backwater town.”

****

Han’s eyes narrowed.

****

“That was completely different, I had already knocked up your mom - with you.” Han snorted in reply, then suddenly turned to stare at Rey. “You aren’t pregnant, are you, sweetheart? That would be one hell of a way to arrive on your mother-in-law’s doorstep.”

****

Rey’s mouth fell open at the bluntness of the question, but Ben squeezed her hand to reassure her. “No, dad, we are always careful. Thank you for your concern,” he replied tightly.

****

Rey felt a pang of nerves at the idea of meeting Ben’s mother in only a few days. She reminded herself they needed a place to go, a fresh start away from Han’s influence. Rey had the sense that her mother-in-law would be able to help and guide them as they made their way. She hoped that Mrs. Solo would like her, from the small amount of information that Rey had gleaned she sounded… like a force to be reckoned with. 

****

Progressive. What did Ben mean when he called his mother progressive?

****

“Well, you are one up on me, then.” Han chuckled, then shrugged his shoulders. “Anyway, we were young, dumb, and in love. Makes you do crazy things. I just didn’t want anyone to get the chance to come between us.”

****

“Exactly,” said Ben firmly, bringing the matter to a close.

****

So, at fifteen minutes before nine am, the parking lot at the Chatham County courthouse was relatively empty, save for the few spots occupied by police cars and what looked like other official vehicles. Han muttered under his breath as he saw them, slowly taking the Falcon around the side of the building and out of plain sight.

****

The large brick building loomed over her, and it was intimidating against the clear blue morning sky. Rey looked down at her drab brown and green checked shirtwaister as they walked up the front entrance. It was hardly how she envisioned herself as a bride. Especially with her belongings stashed in the trunk in a hessian potato sack. She might have been wearing the sack for how bridal she felt.

****

But when she looked up at Ben, who had not let go of her hand for a moment the entire morning, there was nothing but love and adoration written across his face. She knew, through his eyes, she was not a runaway waif with unbrushed hair and an unfashionable dress. She was the most beautiful girl in the world.

****

“I suppose I should say that I wish it was different. That we were getting married under different circumstances and having a wedding with all the trimmings. But really Rey, I just want to marry you. I just want to be by your side for the rest of my days. That is all I want,” he said, as he held her gaze with his warm brown eyes. Everything else melted away in that moment. It was just him and her.

****

“Me too,” she said, smiling up at him - and she meant it.

****

The line to the front counter was blessedly short. Rey tried to take her cue from both Ben and Han, she knew Han in particular was filled with concern. But to look at them, both were as cool as one of Mamma’s iced teas. She knew it was important that they did nothing to attract attention, but at the same time - she was getting married to the man she loved. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. Her hand jiggled in his.

****

She remembered the promise they made the night he claimed her virginity - that they would never leave each other. Yesterday, it seemed like the promise would be broken. Today it was as if nothing could stop them from keeping it.

****

Han looked at both of them and sighed wistfully.

****

“Takes me back, all of this. I wonder how your mom is, Ben?” Han mused, clearly thinking of his own wedding some 25 years earlier.

****

“Still mad at you, I expect,” Ben replied lightly. 

****

Han grunted in reluctant agreement. 

****

Rey gulped and then pushed her fears aside, she was about to be married. Focus on that, she told herself.

****

The process to get the marriage licence was simple enough, all they needed to do was hand over their identification, pay the fee and sign the forms. They had already agreed that Han would be the one to marry them, there wouldn’t be appointments before a civil celebrant for weeks. In any case, Ben had made it very clear that he wanted Han to perform the ceremony.

****

“I want you to marry us, Dad. It has to be you, there is no one else,” he had said.

****

He didn’t say it, but Rey knew Han was filled with pride at Ben’s request.

****

Han had insisted that they head back to the Falcon immediately to say their vows and complete the paperwork. He didn’t want to spend a moment longer in the public eye than was absolutely necessary.

****

It was a strange altar, really, Han in the front seat officiating as Rey and Ben sat in the back, gazing at each other.

****

Han seemed every part the proud dad, beaming at the two of them despite his earlier protestations, even going as far as giving Rey a cheeky wink when he caught her eye.

****

“Knock it off, Dad,” Ben had instructed tersely. “Stick to the script.”

****

“As you wish.” Han replied smoothly, and his demeanor suddenly become solemn. “Will you, Benjamin Solo, have Rey Khai to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort and keep her, and, forsaking all others, remain true to her as long as you both shall live?”

****

Ben cleared his throat, and for a moment it seemed as if emotion would overwhelm him - but he was able to bring himself back.

****

“I will,” he replied, his voice deep with sincerity. She could see his love for her reflected in his warm brown eyes.

****

Han continued, “Repeat after me. “I, Benjamin Solo, take thee Rey Khai, to be my wife, and before God I promise to be a faithful and true husband.” 

****

As Ben spoke the words, happiness flooded her. She was also overcome by emotion, and tears pricked behind her eyes. It almost didn’t feel real, but when she felt his hand squeeze hers she knew it truly was happening.

****

She was about to be Ben’s wife. Mrs. Benjamin Solo.

****

When it was time to exchange the rings, there was nothing shaky or nervous as he displayed the simple gold band in his palm. He tenderly placed the ring on the end of her finger, and repeated the words of his father.

****

“With this ring, I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, ’til death do us part.” The ring slid down her finger with ease, and it felt right that it was there, as if it had been missing from the day she met him.

****

“I love you, Rey. Forever,” he said, his voice cracking to betray his emotion.

Her voice caught too, as she gave her vows. His hand rested gently in hers, warm and soft as she pushed the wedding band onto his finger.

****

“With this ring, I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, ’til death do us part.” she repeated, but could not stop herself from adding. “Ben, I will love you forever, too.”

****

She thought it was the part where the groom was supposed to kiss the bride, but Han had decided enough was enough, and had insisted they complete marriage licence so he could quickly lodge it with the court. As she signed, Rey could have sworn she saw Han brush something from his cheek.

****

As Han stepped out of the car, he turned and looked at the both of them as they shook with anticipation.

****

Rey recognised the glint in his eye from his son. 

****

“I now pronounce you man and wife. Son, you may kiss the bride.” And with his trademark wink, he was gone.

****

Rey squealed as Ben dragged her onto his lap so she straddled him. He wasted no time in capturing her lips with his. As first his kiss was tender, soft, almost reverent. As Rey began to melt in his arms, things became decidedly more passionate, hands roaming, and the Falcon was soon filled with the sound of moans and wet lips pressing together. His hands were kneading her bottom as she buried hers in his hair.

****

He twisted them so she lay beneath him, and she writhed as she sensed his hardness pressed against her. She forgot that they were in the parking lot of the courthouse, there was just the two of them, as if the car was a bubble that blocked out the rest of the world. 

****

Ben moaned as she ground her pelvis against his arousal.

****

“I can’t wait to make love to my wife,” he whispered into her ear as he rained soft kisses against the soft shell of her lobe and into her neck. 

****

“Ben, please, I need you so badly,” she panted. “When do you think we will have the opportunity for you to do just that?”

****

She didn’t know if they were stopping anywhere along their journey, but she fervently hoped that it would involve their own private motel room. She was beside herself with need to consummate their union, and to wake up next to him the next morning as Mrs. Benjamin Solo.

****

“I’ve convinced Dad to stop for the night at a motel as soon as we hit Rocky Mount. Not long, my love, not long.”

****

As he continued to kiss her, Rey thought it sounded like a century away.

****

Their affection was interrupted by a bemused Han rapping on the window.

****

“Alright newlyweds,” he said dryly, “Let’s not get arrested for public indecency just when it looks like the coast is clear.”

****

Rey disentangled herself from their embrace to sit back on the back seat again. She could see how flushed Ben was, and she suspected she looked much the same way.

****

Han did his best to make an inconspicuous exit from the courthouse parking lot, although Rey could see from the tension in his shoulders, and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel, that he was desperate to get away as quickly as possible. 

****

They snaked through the outskirts of the city, Rey had always wanted to see Savannah, but never thought it would be under these circumstances. Everyone exhaled slowly in relief as they rejoined the 1-95 and properly began their travel. It wasn’t long until they crossed the border into South Carolina. Rey had never been out of Georgia in her nineteen years, so it was with excitement that she finally left the state behind. There was nothing there for her anymore, her future lay ahead.

****

White Oak trees lined the highway, every now and again breaking away to reveal sprawling wetlands as far as she could see. Every so often she would glance down at her hand, marvelling at the simple gold band on her finger. She knew it was not the fanciest ring, indeed Phasma’s was much larger, and it was nothing compared to the one Bazine had left behind along with the note to Mamma. But was the most beautiful thing she had ever owned.

****

They continued in silence for a time, until they crossed Lake Marion and Ben requested a stop at the nearest road house for breakfast. Rey was relieved, her stomach rumbled, dinner was a long time ago, and in their hurry to put as much distance between them and Georgia as they could, they hadn’t had the chance to eat.

****

“A bacon and egg sandwich to go good for everyone?” Han and Rey nodded in agreement. “I’ll be right back,” Ben said, giving her a light kiss on her cheek as he went. She thought she would burst from happiness, it was wonderful to have his affection displayed out in the open, and to not fear discovery.

****

As Ben went into the roadhouse, Han watched him thoughtfully. He then turned around to face Rey and smiled.

****

“You know, he looks at you like I used to look at his mother. Like nothing would get in his way to keep you safe.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “You know, that’s why I agreed to the change of plan. I knew Ben would never leave without you, he would have stayed put and landed his ass in jail, and no amount of money could get him out of that one.” 

****

Rey wasn’t sure if she should be pleased or upset by that statement, in the end she decided on both.

Han shook his head. 

****

“But, the agreement I had with Hux was that we were to get the fuck of town last night, and he wouldn’t call the cops  _ and _ he would keep Canady off our backs.”

****

Rey knit her brow in confusion. “But why would Mr. Hux agree to that? Didn’t he want you to go to jail?” she asked.

****

Han smirked, as if she had asked a question that had a very obvious answer.

****

“Turns out that Mr. Hux has his own secrets, so we negotiated a mutually beneficial arrangement. Private detectives are worth their weight in gold, and men in power always have skeletons in their closets,” he chuckled and then sighed. “You know, in my fifty years, this is the closest I ever got to getting caught. That little stunt you pulled with Ben sure put a spanner in the works.”

****

Rey bristled with indignation. Turning Ben down and then making a counter offer was the scariest and risky thing she had ever done, and to have it belittled stung.

****

“It wasn’t a stunt, Pas…  _ Mr. _ Solo. I was saving him from himself, and from  _ you _ ,” she retorted sharply. She was not going to let that statement pass by unchallenged. If she could take on Mamma for her untruths, then she could absolutely take Han to task on his. Father-in-law or not. “Have you thought of finding a job that doesn’t require breaking the law or shady deals?”

****

Han grimaced, “For pete’s sake, call me Han. We are family now.“ The realisation hit her with full force. It wasn’t just Ben she had married - she had married his entire family, too. Han held out his hands in mock contrition. “As for my line of business, what can I say? I’m a scoundrel, was born one, will always be one.” He shrugged as if it was something outside of his control. 

****

A twinge of fear hit Rey in the chest. 

****

_ No, Ben wants to be a good man and made the right choice _ , she reminded herself.

****

Ben emerged from the roadhouse with brown paper bags in hand. Her heart swelled in her chest at the sight of him. She loved him, he loved her, and they were married now.

****

As soon as he got in, his eyes narrowed as he sensed the tension.

****

“What were you talking about, Dad?” he said sharply.

****

“Just reminiscing of how things were with your mother,” Han’s tone was smooth. “Your wife was suggesting I go straight.”

****

Ben snorted. “Well, it's a long drive, why don’t you tell her about how you got started, so she understands that it’s as much a part of you as the blood that pumps through your veins.”

****

“You know, it’s a story I don’t get to share that often, and with a captive audience.”

****

As they continued up the highway, Han began to recount his humble beginnings, running delivery jobs in New York for the Hutts, before realising that his easy charm ingratiated him with customers. Sure, prohibition was long ended, but there were still people who baulked at the cost of legally purchased alcohol. 

****

By this time things were strained with Leia - she could not come to terms with his business dealings. Han had yearned to create something of his own, to have his own money. Of course, he also wanted to avoid the long arm of the law that had ensnared so many men operating in the black market. It was then that he hatched his brilliant plan, to complete his theology training to become a Pastor, thus providing the perfect cover.

****

“Noone ever suspects the man at the front of the church,” Han smirked.

****

Of course, he had set his sights high, and would need assistance. He had missed his son, and when Ben had agreed to join him, well, he thought he had it all worked out. Ben remained silent as his father spoke, but when Han talked of missing him - Rey could see how much it affected him. For all their illegal dealings and near misses, Rey could see the affection the two had for each other.

****

So, Han had started to build his own small empire, and when it became too hot in one location - which it inevitably did - a payment to the right person at the right time would make the problem disappear, allowing them to start fresh in a new town.

****

“When the opportunity to set up business in a dry state came around, well, I jumped at it. But it seems in your little backwater town, there are as many people determined to stamp out the scourge of alcohol as there are people willing to buy it. Doesn’t matter, it was a boring place anyway,” he shrugged.

****

“Also, my son met you, so it appears all good things must come to an end,” he said ruefully.

****

Rey wasn’t sure just how good it had been. It occurred to her that by the time Han finished bribing local officials in order to escape the consequences of his actions, there might not be much actual profit. But perhaps she was missing something?

****

While Han was speaking, she had also become keenly aware of Ben’s thumb tracing a heart into her palm, sending electrical shocks up her arm. She looked down at her hand in his, it looked so small and delicate in comparison. She could still feel the tension that they had started right after Han had stated it was time for them to kiss. She pressed her legs together, squirming to get some relief.

****

Ben chuckled softly as he noticed her movements. She was consumed with the agony of having to be in such close proximity to him, but being unable to act on her impulses. Her mind began to follow its own path, and the urge to find a private spot as soon as possible so they could claim each other was overwhelming.

****

She looked into his eyes and gave a low whine.

****

He lifted his hand to caress her cheek, softly whispering in her ear. His warm breath caressed the sensitive skin on her neck, sending goosebumps along its trail. “My beautiful wife,” he said, “I want nothing more than to stop the car, head out to the woods and take you up against a tree. But, we have pushed it with my father as much as we can, just a little longer.”

****

Rey blushed as she saw Han watching them in the rear view mirror, it was blatantly obvious what they had been discussing.

****

“Still insisting we stop for the night at Rocky Mount?” Han asked evenly.

****

“Yes sir,” replied Ben.

****

It was mid afternoon by the time they crossed into North Carolina. The view from the highway had ceased to entertain Rey long ago. Ben’s hand had moved to rest just above her knee, absentmindedly continuing his lazy heart pattern against her sensitive skin as he stared out the window.

****

She bit her lip, trying to keep her breathing regulated as the tension within her wound tighter and tighter. She pressed her thighs together to make him stop, and she couldn’t miss the surprise that registered on his face when he realised what he had been doing.

****

“Sorry,” he mouthed as he stilled his hand. She could only look at him with unabashed desire. Her pulse was thrumming furiously, and now the ache had transformed into an all consuming need.

****

“I need you,” she mouthed back, and she saw her own desire mirrored in his eyes. It only made the situation more unbearable. 

****

The car made an unexpected turn at the next exit, which made no sense considering how eager Han was to keep going. The landscape was still vast swaths of wetlands and trees. Rey wondered was the detour was for.

****

They took several turns until they were well out of sight from the highway, and they found themselves driving through a heavily wooded area.

****

“Uh Dad, what are you doing?” Ben asked.

****

Han pulled over to the side of the road, addressing them both through the rearview mirror.

****

“I think I’m going to take a stroll, should take about thirty minutes. Then we will get back on the highway non stop all the way to New York. Of course, if you insist on staying at Rocky Mount then I can skip the walk. What do you think, lovebirds?”

****

Rey and Ben looked at each other, Ben’s eyebrow was cocked in question. Rey nodded enthusiastically and Ben smiled at her response and then cleared his throat.

****

“I mean, if that’s what you want. Sure,” he shrugged his shoulders at his father’s suggestion - a non committal manner - but from the way he was gripping her thigh she knew he was just as eager as she was.

****

“Alright then, off I go for thirty minutes.” Han said as he got out of the car and began to walk down the dirt track that served as the road.

****

Quick as a flash, Ben bolted out the door. Rey could hear him swear as he rifled through the trunk. His victory cry made her giggle as he found what he was looking for. She realised he must have been searching for protection, which came as a surprise.

****

He dove back into the car, engulfing her in his arms as he sucked her neck. She moaned, forgetting everything but him, his mouth, and the way his body felt pressed up against her. His hands were pulling down his zipper, which was her cue to remove her own underwear.

****

“Jesus Rey, I want to spend each night savouring every inch of you in a proper bed like you deserve, but I can’t wait until Rocky Mount, I have to have you now,” he panted. She could hear the sound of a packet being torn as she slid down beneath him.

****

“Please,” was all she could moan in reply. His hands bunched up the skirt of her dress as she placed her feet on either side of the back seat. He buried his face in her neck as he entered her. He lay heavy upon her, pressing her deep into the upholstery.

****

They shuddered as he lay fully seated inside her, and they lay still, savouring the moment before he began to move. There was a different quality to their lovemaking. Sweet relief washed over them in the understanding that they were forever bound to each other.

****

They were going to build a life together, no longer stealing moments away from watchful eyes. She had the realisation that she was now happy and free, and Ben was, too. 

****

As his thrusts began to quicken, the coil that was wound so tightly began to unfurl within her. She closed her eyes, swept away by the intense pleasure he was drawing from her. 

****

“I love you, Ben. Thank you for choosing me,” she whispered.

****

He stuttered as he drove into her again.

****

“I love you, Rey. You will always be my choice,” he grunted hotly against her neck. 

****

She pulled her feet back a little more, causing him to enter her more completely, and he cursed. She felt completely possessed, connected and loved.

****

She fisted the soft cotton of his shirt as he thrust harder, each one hitting her like a delicious explosion. Her toes began to curl within her shoes as the wall of pressure built higher and higher. 

****

As he snaked his hand under her to lift her pelvis higher, she cried out in pleasure. He didn’t quieten her squeals and moans as she neared her climax, Han would be far enough away that she wouldn’t be heard. 

****

“Holy shit, I’m really close already,” he stuttered, and he drew his arms around her even tighter. “What you do to me, wife.”

****

She rolled her hips, revealing in the power she held over this big man. He would move heaven and earth for her, change the course of his life to be with her.

****

“Husband,” she purred, the word rolled off her tongue so easily, and he thrust into her harder at the sound it made, “it won’t be much longer for me if you continue like this.”

****

He scooped up her feet to place them on his shoulders as he pounded into her, and his hair flopped in his face in time with his movements. All ability for rational thought and speech left her as she was consumed by the intense pleasure of her impending climax. 

****

She screamed, gripping his arms as she came, wave after wave crashing over her. She desperately tried to keep her eyes open to drink in the look on his face as he watched her unravel beneath him.

****

His own movements became erratic as she pulsed and squeezed around him. “Holy fuck, that feels so good,” he panted. His long groan as he fell into his own intense orgasm made her rouse from her stupor so she could watch him.

****

He was so beautiful as he looked at her, his eyes never leaving her face for a moment as his pleasure took him.

****

Finished, he collapsed on top of her, as utterly spent as she was. Their collective pants were the only sound that could be heard within the confines of the Falcon.

****

“I think you killed me,” he groaned into her shoulder. 

****

She giggled, still unable to form words. She was flooded with pure happiness.

****

After a few minutes they both began to regain the ability to function. There was something she was desperate to ask.

****

“Ben, why did you use protection? We don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

****

She had assumed now that they were married that he would want to stop birth control right away.

****

Ben looked at her intently. “Well, do you want to have a baby? I figured we could wait a little while before we started a family. Is that alright?”

****

She nodded enthusiastically, she wanted children very much, but the idea of it while they were trying to form a life together was overwhelming.

****

They lay wrapped up in each other for a spell, then Ben reluctantly pulled himself away so they could straighten themselves up, and so he could place the evidence back into his suitcase where it would be disposed of later.

****

Several minutes later Han made his reappearance. 

****

“So, we good heading straight to New York?” he asked as he slid into the front seat.

****

Rey was curled up against Ben, Han could take them to Alaska for all she cared at that moment.

****

“Yes sir,” was Ben’s reply.

****

She drifted off to sleep with his arm around her, and when she woke again it was well into the evening. 

****

“Where are we?” She asked sleepily.

****

“We are about an hour out of Washington. You must be starving, we got you a hot dog,” his tone was apologetic as he offered her the brown paper bag. “ I didn’t know how you like it, so I got everything, sorry its cold.”

****

“No no, it’s fine,” she responded quickly. She was famished, and even though she detested mustard she wolfed it down as fast as she could.

****

“How long till we arrive?” She asked between bites.

****

“Maybe five hours?”

****

They were much closer than she had thought. She had planned to discuss exactly how they would notify Ben’s mother of their arrival later that night after he was relaxed and sated, but their afternoon interlude had put a wrench in the works for that.

****

“So we will be arriving quite late then?”

****

“Yes, we will,” Ben said nonchalantly, although Rey sensed he was putting on a front to avoid her line of questioning. 

****

Rey chewed the inside of her mouth, then decided she couldn’t hold her tongue. The manners instilled in her from the day she arrived on the farm wouldn’t allow her peace otherwise.

****

“Well, do you think perhaps you should call your mother, to let her know to expect us?”

****

Ben grimaced.

****

“I suppose so,” he said deliberately, “but I’m sure Dad doesn’t want to stop the car.”

****

Rey was not going to let it go that easily, she hoped Han would see things her way.

****

“Han, what do you think? Should he call his mother to let her know we are coming?”

****

Han scratched the back of his neck.

****

“Your wife has a point. Women usually do about these types of things. I can stop the car at the next pay phone,” he suggested.

****

Ben looked very displeased to be outnumbered.

****

“Fine,” he muttered.

****

Rey wound her arms around his neck and nuzzled his cheek to soothe him.

****

“It’s the right thing to do. You don’t want the poor woman to pass out from shock as soon as we arrive on her doorstep.” 

****

That comment had kept the two men in laughter for a long moment. 

****

“Sweetheart, my mother is made of stronger stuff than that,” Ben said kindly. “It’s us we need to worry about, not her.”

****

Rey felt a knot in her stomach. What if her mother-in-law didn’t like her, or was like Mamma - or even worse? The plan she thought was so clever seemed a little naive in hindsight, but there was little that could be done about that now. She could only plow on further.

****

“Do you want me to come with you? To hold your hand?” she offered.

****

Ben shook his head.

****

As he had suggested, Han stopped at the next payphone they saw. Ben shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Rey’s heart went out to him, she knew what a difficult - but necessary - undertaking this was.

****

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” she gently prodded.

****

“No, thank you, but no,” he said firmly.

****

Han and Rey waited in the car anxiously as Ben went to make the call. She could see his hands shake as he dialed the number, and she prayed his mother would be home. If in fact it  _ was _ still her home.

****

His shoulders relaxed after a few minutes, which she took as a good sign. He nodded before hanging up.

****

His smile as he returned to the car was broader than she could remember seeing, save for when Han had pronounced them man and wife. As he sat next to her, drawing her close she could see his red rimmed eyes. He buried his face in her hair, and inhaled deeply.

****

“Thank you.”

****

Han pulled the car into gear and began driving again.

****

“Oh, and Dad - she’s still mad at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop - New York City... and Leia. Will Han and Leia reunite? What will Leia make of Rey? Will Ben be forced to go to his room for 5 years to make up for running away with his dad?
> 
> Stay tuned!


	15. I'm afraid the masquerade is over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have made it to New York City as newly weds. Everyone is very nervous about the welcome they will receive from Leia, and what challenges await them as they build a new life together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always to my most wonderful beta and fandom [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife).
> 
> Just thought I would plug the playlist for this fic [Little Mistake’s Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ODYgdTweGk8Z6TCAuxvLK?si=3RGKDZ2STVuMk1igeX7uog).
> 
> Thank you to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) for my amazing new moodboard! It’s groovy baby.

_Your_ [ _words_ ](https://www.definitions.net/definition/words) _don't mean what they used to me_

_They were once inspired, now they're just routine_

_I'm_ [ _afraid_ ](https://www.definitions.net/definition/afraid) _the_ [ _masquerade_ ](https://www.definitions.net/definition/masquerade) _is over_

****

Sung by Carla Thomas

Written by Allie Wrubel and Herb Magidson

****

They crossed the George Washington Bridge just before midnight. Halfway across the Hudson River, they were officially in New York. Rey squeezed Ben’s arm, filled with a mixture of nervousness and excitement.

****

The lights of Manhattan twinkled in welcome. Rey was immediately overwhelmed by the sheer size of the city - it seemed to sprawl forever. The Empire State and Chrysler Buildings dominated the night sky, demanding her attention. She had only seen them as she flipped through magazines at the hair salon waiting for Mamma or Bazine, and it was surreal to see them with her own eyes.

****

“It looks intimidating,” Ben whispered into her ear, “but the trick is to find your own little piece of it to claim for yourself. I’ll help you.” 

****

She nodded mutely.

****

“You can still come with me to Rochester - it’s not to late. I’m willing to let this little detour slide,” Han said lightly, even though his suggestion was anything but.

****

Rey looked anxiously at Ben, her breath catching in her throat.

****

“No, Dad. Take us home.”

****

She exhaled.

****

A hush fell over the interior of the car again, and each occupant wondered what welcome their arrival would receive. Rey reminded herself again that Ben had made that phone call, and while he hadn’t discussed with her the nature of the conversation, it seemed to have gone well enough.

****

As they made their way through the city, Rey was surprised to see crowds of people flocking to the streets despite the late hour. The lights and noise were both dazzling and frightening, overwhelming and fleeting all at once.

****

After a little while the lights and sounds became less, and they come to a part of New York that seemed a little more sedate. She was relieved that they wouldn’t be living in the throng of the city. 

****

The brakes on the Falcon protested as they pulled up outside a tall building. Rey furrowed her brow as she attempted to recall the special name they had… brownstone, she remembered. They all sat in the car in silence, unable to take the actions that would see them walk up the steps to knock on the front door.

****

In the end the decision was made for them, as the door opened and out stepped a diminutive woman who looked to be in her mid 40’s - clearly Ben got his height from his father, Rey thought. She walked out onto the landing, waiting to receive them. Dressed in a khaki shirt with a wide lapel, khaki bell bottoms and a long burgundy vest, she was almost militant in appearance, save for the long dark braids that fell to her waist. She was nothing like Rey had expected. She had never quite transitioned Ben’s mother from a prim and proper Pastor’s wife to whatever progressive she was supposed to be.

****

Rey released Ben’s hand gently, and it was his cue to slide across the backseat and step out of the car. He crossed the sidewalk and walked up the steps, stopping several shy of the top. Ben’s mother stretched out her arms, and Ben immediately buried his face into her bosom. Rey saw the immense release that washed over her husband as his mother’s arms wrapped around his face and shoulders, holding him to her. She stroked his hair softly, cradling him. Rey could see Ben’s shoulders shake as he began to sob in his mother’s arms, his own slowly crept up to encircle his mother’s waist.

****

Relief flooded Rey as she watched from the car. It was a risk bringing Ben here, given how little she knew of his mother, but in that moment, she saw that the anchor he had needed for the last ten years was his mother’s arms.

****

His mother was saying something under her breath, and from where Rey sat it was as if she was saying “Too long, too long, too long,” like a mantra. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and Rey saw the relief and joy she felt to be reunited with her son after such a long time.

****

They stood together for the longest moment. Rey couldn’t quite push away the melancholy feeling that such a reunion would never happy for her - she assumed her parents were long gone, but if her mother was still alive - would she welcome her like that?

****

Rey knew in her heart of hearts that she would never know. But she reminded herself that she had Ben, he was her family now - and she was immediately flooded with warmth.

****

“Let me look at you,” his mother said, and Ben dutifully lifted his head. “You are so grown up, and handsome, and so very, very tall.” She smiled.

****

Ben laughed, but Rey also saw how his heart expanded in his chest at her approval.

****

“Or perhaps, Mother, you have become shorter?”

****

“Still got that smart mouth,” she chuckled. “Suppose you get that from the both of us.”

****

Rey didn’t quite know what to make of the exchange, but it seemed familiar and safe, and love and affection hummed beneath it. She could see the threads of their bond remained, despite their long estrangement.

****

Ben’s mother pressed her son to her once again. By this time, Han had stepped from the car and stood at the foot of the steps, waiting expectantly.

****

His mother’s mouth lost its softness as she looked at her husband.

****

“Han,” she said tightly. Her gaze was like a laser beam, and Rey thought Han might suddenly burst into flames from its intensity.

****

Han was seemingly unperturbed, but Rey knew from the tension in the car that it was more false bravado than anything else.

****

“Hey, princess,” Han said smoothly. “You changed your hair.”

****

Rey wondered if the easy charm that worked on the ladies back in Georgia would work as well in New York City.

****

“You are ten years too late for princess, you old bastard,” she retorted. “I see _you_ haven’t changed at all.”

****

It seemed not.

****

Han shifted awkwardly, suitably chastised. It was clear his wife was in no mood for warm familiarity with him. Rey’s eyes grew wide as she saw the usually confident elder Solo reduced to a naughty school boy right in front of her. The mask had slipped.

****

“New car,” he offered, his hands in his trademark shrug. “A Falcon, like we always talked about.”

****

She snorted, unimpressed.

****

“The only things I am even remotely interested in are standing here in my arms, and sitting in the car looking at me in a mixture of wonder and terror.”

****

Rey startled as she realised his mother was referring to _her_. Remembering himself, Ben broke away from her embrace, sprinting down the stairs to take Rey’s hand. Rey was consumed with the sense of being too young, too uncultured, too dowdy and too stupid, and she sat as if welded to the car seat, unmoving.

****

He tugged on her arm, “It’s alright, baby, she won’t bite. She will love you as much as I do.”

****

Reluctantly, Rey allowed herself to be led up the stairs to where his mother waited. Her head was swimming with the notion that choosing her as his bride was something he wanted to show off to his mother about. She knew he loved her, but the idea that his mother would be impressed by her was another thing entirely.

****

Ben’s mother looked down at her kindly, and Rey felt her terror ease a little. 

****

“Rey, this is my mother, Leia. Mom, this is Rey… my wife,” he smiled as he spoke, squeezing her hand in excitement.

****

“Hello Mrs. Solo,” Rey stammered. “Pleased to meet you.”

****

“It’s Leia,” The older woman chuckled. “Thank you for bringing my son home to me. It’s been too long,” she said with a soft smile, tenderly brushing her son’s hair from his eyes. “Please, let me welcome you properly into the family.” 

****

With that, Leia enveloped Rey into an embrace, and the scent of incense filled her senses. Rey couldn’t recall ever having received a hug like that before -warm, nurturing and safe - like she was protected and cared for. It was the embrace of a woman who had lived a long life already, who had seen joy and heartbreak and who knew how to give. It was the embrace of a mother.

****

Rey relaxed into it without a moment's hesitation, sighing in relief.

****

A throat was nervously cleared behind them, and they all turned to look down at Han.

****

“Leia, ah, hope you can forgive me for, ah, borrowing him for a while,” he said awkwardly.

****

Leia snorted, “What a load of crap - borrowing. You lured him away with the promise of easy money and a life of adventure. Right when he should have been focusing on his education.”

****

Rey watched the exchange with bated breath. She had never seen a woman speak to her husband like that before, or seen a husband take it.

****

“I taught him business skills, sweetheart. Logistics, warehousing, customer service. It was the school of _life_ that I enrolled him in,” Han said defensively. “Not your fancy university classes.”

“You know, as much as I appreciate the two of you bickering over my education, I am sure my wife is exhausted and we need to settle in,” Ben said, exasperation clear on his face. Rey was surprised when the tension immediately simmered down between his parents at his words. Ben didn’t seem angry, he seemed… fed up. “So Mom, yes, formal education is very nice, and Dad thank you for the life lessons. Thank you both for reminding me of the joys of marriage on my wedding day. Can we go to bed now?” He was clearly eager to bring the conversation to a close.

****

Han looked annoyed, but didn’t argue with his son. Leia seemed amused by it all.

****

“Well, I’ll be off then. So, there’s your son, and his new wife. Ben, give me a hand to get your things out of the car,” he said begrudgingly.

****

As they watched the two men unpack the trunk, Rey was struck with the sudden realisation that their things now consisted of a suitcase for Ben, a hessian sack for her, and a large stack of records and his record player. She wondered if other married couples started out with so little.

****

Once done, Han stuck out his hand to say goodbye to his son. Leia laughed.

****

“You drive all this way and don’t even come in for a nightcap? Han, you have grown soft in your old age.” 

****

A knowing look crossed Han’s face.“Well, I thought you’d never ask.” He smirked.

****

Both men made their way up the stairs carrying Ben and Rey’s worldly possessions. 

****

Leia turned to Ben, her face serious. “Your room is waiting for you. This will be your home for as long as you need it, on the condition that you find a real job - no more bootlegging or illegal activity. I don’t need your father’s bullshit business interfering with my cause. I have real work to do here, and I can’t have my attention taken away by getting you out of jail or wondering when the cops are going to knock on my door looking for you. Deal?”

****

“I see _you_ have not grown soft in your old age,” Han quipped. “Still fighting the good cause.”

****

Mother and son ignored him.

****

“Yes ma’am,” Ben responded sagely. “I promised Rey, and now I make the same commitment to you.”

****

Leia tenderly stroked Ben’s face. “Son, it’s good to have you home. Now take your exhausted wife inside.”

****

“I’ll leave your records on the dining room table for you to collect later - assuming that the dining room table has not been repurposed as headquarters for the revolution,” Han said. Rey saw some of his rakish charm return, and Leia did not bite back. “I’m going to take your mother up on that nightcap.”

****

“Good luck in Rochester, Dad,” Ben said. Father and son stared at each other for a long moment, then Ben nodded his goodbye. He took Rey by the hand and led her into the house, leaving his parents outside to talk.

****

As she entered, she was greeted by a set of stairs - leading up and down, flanked by a long corridor. The interior was clean, but looked like it had been some time since it was freshly painted. Several closed doors came off the corridor, but Ben led her straight up to the next floor, which was much the same, only this time they passed what looked to be a library that had a large circle of beanbags in the centre of it. It was almost disorientating as they climbed two more set of stairs until they came to the top floor, as if the house went on forever but there was no sense of where it stopped - like New York itself. It was intimidating, almost like the weight of it was pressing down upon her.

****

At the top, Ben stopped her as he veered to the right, and walked into what she assumed was his bedroom. 

****

He stood for a moment in the doorway, in silent contemplation, then turned to look at her.

****

“For now this is home, but once we are settled we will make a new home together. Just us,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. Rey nodded in return. He then stepped in to his room, putting down their things before returning to stand in front of her.

****

He smiled sheepishly as he looked down at her.

****

“I hope you don't think I am flipping out, but can I carry my wife over the threshold, please?”

****

She giggled, it was one of the least 'flipping out' things she had ever heard.

****

“Please, husband - do the honors.”

****

With a grand gesture he swept her off her feet and into his arms. She sighed as she nestled into him, she was safe. While the carry across the threshold was romantic, the unceremonious plop down on the bed was distinctly less so. She squealed in response, then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth.

****

“You don’t need to be quiet baby, thick walls. Be as loud as you want. In fact, I’m going to take great delight in making you scream,” Ben growled as he looked down at her, and she felt a delicious thrill course through her veins - the moment had taken a decidedly more carnal tone. She knew what that look meant, and she was longing for him to make love to her, properly. Not a rushed fumble - not that she minded those in the slightest - but slow and sensual. Like they had all the time in the world.

****

It was technically still their wedding night, after all.

****

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, and he raised an eyebrow in response. She began to unbutton the front of her dress to reveal her bra, then descending lower to show her panties too. He eyed her hungrily, and she let one of her legs drop to expose herself a little more.

****

“I know what you want,” he chuckled. “It’s been too long, baby, since I tasted you. I’m going to take my time.”

****

She writhed on the bed at his words, desire flooding her. She needed him so badly.

****

“Not too long, I hope. I need you inside me, too.” She purred. She still had no idea where this new found confidence would lead her, but from the look on her husband’s face - it was possibly heaven.

****

“Let’s get naked,” he said with a smirk.

****

As soon as they disrobed he fell on her, covering her with his warm body. He settled between her legs, and she could feel him harden against her thigh. She rocked gently against him, and he grunted in pleasure.

****

“I love you, Rey.” He gazed into her eyes, she could see the truth of his words.

****

“I love you, too,” she replied, cupping his handsome face as she smiled. “ But I need you, now.”

****

He needed no further invitation, closing the distance between them to give her a deep, passionate kiss. His hand moved down to lift her body, pressing her to his ever growing hardness. She groaned as she felt the warm gush of her arousal, and he broke their kiss to look at her again.

****

“I felt that,” he said thickly. “Now I need to feel you on my tongue.”

****

His lips trailed down the length of her body, and she tensed in eager anticipation. She knew what ecstasy awaited her - and not just for now - but for the rest of her days.

****

His mouth was hot against the sensitive skin between her thighs, and he groaned as he tasted her. She shuddered as he drew her in, and she could not believe there was a time where she thought this could be dirty or wrong. There was nothing more right than having him do this to her.

****

His eyes devoured her along with his mouth, as he worked her to her completion his fingers soon joined his attentions, entering her, pressing into her until all she could do was arch her back and claw at the sheets.

****

As she came she did indeed scream, the sounds of his mouth, how wet she was, and her moans filled the room.

****

Done, she lay boneless on the bed.

****

With her eyes closed, she heard the telltale ripping of foil and smiled as she knew what was coming next. In reality, he could do with her as he pleased in moments like this. He could take her in any way he wanted, ask her to do anything and she would welcome it, anything to please him as he had just pleased her.

****

She was his.

****

He laughed as he struggled to make preparations to take her. She lazily opened one eye to see his grappling with the most enormous erection she had ever seen, and it was clear how aroused he was from the copious amounts of fluid leaking from the tip. She clenched at the sight of him.

****

“Baby, you were amazing, I’m so hard for you I am losing the ability to function,” he said, clearly both amused and frustrated until he was able to complete his task.

****

As he rocked into her finally, they clung together. She took him easily, her legs wrapping around his waist so he could completely fill her. By now she was now longer surprised at how soon she began to feel her arousal take over again, they were completely connected. With his face buried into her neck she scraped her nails along his back until she gripped his backside. With each press of her fingers he drove into her harder and harder until their passion claimed them both and they shuddered into each other.

****

Spent, they lay entwined together, and there was nowhere else either of them would rather be. She rested her head on his shoulder in blissful silence as he stroked her arm.

****

After a little while she began to make out shapes in the darkness. An old television set, a desk with books piled high. The room didn’t have a musty smell, so it seemed as if it had been kept in good order during the time he was away, albeit in a time warp. It was comforting, as if the expectation was that his room had always been ready for him if he ever returned. She could see the dark outline of smaller shapes, trophies, photo frames. She wondered what daylight would reveal. Who was this Ben? There was so much about him that she didn’t know.

****

His past and their future was as yet unwritten for her.

****

“So, what will happen tomorrow?” she asked tentatively, breaking the silence.

****

He paused in thought for a moment, before speaking.

****

“I’m sure my mother will disappear early - nothing gets in the way of the cause, not even the return of her son.” It seemed to Rey that he wasn’t resentful of this, just matter of fact. “I intend to make you breakfast in bed, which, while it may seem like I am being a wonderful husband, it is really just to keep you in bed so I can ravish you again.” 

****

Rey giggled, that sounded like a good morning. But she also had a question she was desperate to ask.

****

“Ben, what do you mean by the cause? What does your mother do, exactly?”

****

“Well, it’s been ten years, but I’m sure not much has changed. My mother is heavily, and I do mean heavily, involved in the women’s liberation movement. Protests, rallies, campaigns, lobbying. That kind of thing.”

****

Rey had caught glimpses here and there of such things on television or in the idle chit chat on the steps after church. The townspeople back in Georgia had scoffed and derided the women who went against the natural order of things. The conclusion had always been that they were man haters. Not that Ben’s mother had seemed like a man hater - more that she just wouldn’t tolerate tomfoolery.

****

“What does it mean to be a women’s liberationist?” she asked in concern.

****

Ben chuckled and kissed her forehead.

****

“My love, I will leave that up to her to educate you on that. I’m sure she will try to recruit you, or her friends will in any case.”

****

He seemed amused more than concerned at the idea that she would be recruited to his mother’s cause. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about it, though. She wasn’t a man hater, or wanted to burn her bra.

****

The noise of the Falcon startled her as it roared to life. Han’s nightcap must be over, Rey thought.

****

They remained silent as they both drifted off to sleep. Rey’s slumber was not peaceful, she dreamt that Ben made the choice to go back to his father and continue their bootlegging business, and that she was left behind with Leia and the faceless women that belonged to the women’s liberation movement.

****

In this dream, she was once again alone. She shivered and felt Ben murmur against her forehead as he pulled her closer to him, and she fell into a deep sleep again.

****

The next few weeks passed in a blur, and Rey had had ample time to explore the house. It went on forever - over four floors, with multiple living areas, two kitchens, a bathroom on each floor and several bedrooms. It was easy to remain up on the top floor, seconded away from the bustling city outside. 

****

Ben’s room had revealed some interesting things about him, the trophies were for baseball, and the books were science fiction novels and comics geared towards teenage boys. In the wardrobe she found a New York Yankees baseball jersey with the number seven on the back. 

****

She was yet to really venture outside, Ben didn’t seem to have the urge to explore. She had learned that they were in the West Village, which was supposedly a very bohemian and artistic part of Manhattan. As she peered out the window, it was as if she had landed on another planet. The people were nothing like the ones back in Georgia, it was a never ending parade of artists and people she now knew were called beatniks.

****

She was ashamed to go outside, in any case. Ben had looked at aghast at the idea of taking her shopping for new clothes, and she was too frightened to go by herself. She had considered asking Leia to go with her, but her mother in law always seemed far to busy - and if Rey was honest with herself, she didn’t know which terrified her more - New York City or Ben’s mother.

****

Leia hadn’t tried to convert her, despite Ben’s warning. She was a difficult woman to read, she clearly loved her son, but was frustrated with his refusal to consider returning to education. The matter was raised during their first week, and she saw how mother and son were just as stubborn as the other. Leia had also turned her attention to Rey for a few moments, asking her what her intentions for the future was, but all Rey could do was stammer something unintelligible as she backed away and fled to the safety of the top floor.

****

It was their sanctuary, in their bedroom they were able to shut the world away. Exploring and pleasuring each other, there was no problem with they way they communicated through whispers, touches and lips. They listened to Ben’s records, and Rey’s understanding of the music began to expand as she listened to the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan and The Kinks. Down in the library, Leia’s taste was decidedly more female, with Janis Joplin and Aretha Franklin often heard wafting up the stairwell.

****

Rey loved Ben with all her heart, and she knew that being married to him was the best thing to have happened to her - and a far better prospect than remaining back in the south, but it wasn’t quite the happy and free she had envisaged their life to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! They are not happy and free quite yet - I wonder what it will take to get them there?
> 
> Only three chapters and an epilogue to go.
> 
> As always kudos and comments make my day.


	16. Knock on Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben grows more distant, while Rey comes into her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta wife MyJediLife who lets me nag her to fix my terrible punctuation.
> 
> Also, a massive thank you to the wonderful spacey_gracie who is my 60s consultant and saves me from my own inner dork with some of my plot lines.

_I don't want to lose this good thing_

_That I got 'cause if I do, I will surely, surely lose a lot_

_But your love is better than any love I've known_

Song written by Eddie Floyd and Steve Cropper

  
  


It was one month since their arrival, and a new state of mind had set in - boredom. Rey had been used to having a purpose for as long as she could remember, and now she was largely idle. Leia had staff to take care of the house, and there were no animals to tend to - unless she counted the rats, pigeons and stray cats that she saw on the street. 

A never ending stream of women of all ages visited, often in large groups that took over the library, sitting around in a circle on bean bags discussing the changes they wanted to campaign for. By now Rey had heard the term “the personal is political” many times over, not that she quite understood what it meant.

One afternoon, she decided to explore the downstairs library for herself. The bookshelves covered an entire wall of the room, and went all the way to the ceiling. There was a rolling ladder to help reach the upper shelves - Ben had laughed as he remembered the trouble he would get into doing tricks on it. She thought of her own meagre library, the lonely copy of _Little Women_ on the desk upstairs.

The books themselves were not so jovial. Many had alarming titles, and seemed quite subversive - books about war, revolution, overthrowing the system. Rey knew many of these would have been banned at the local library back in Georgia for posing a threat to civil society, yet Leia displayed them proudly in her home.

While Rey was curious, her interest wasn’t really piqued until she found a book called “The Feminine Mystique.” Rey figured it must be about how to keep a man interested, which was odd, given Leia didn’t seem to be man focused, and in any case it hadn’t worked, as Han was now close to the Canadian border doing who knew what kind of illegal activity.

However, it was the most attractive option for the time being, so she made herself comfortable in a bean bag, not quite used to the sound the beans made beneath her and began to read. To her surprise, it was groundbreaking - according to the back cover - research into the unfulfilling life of a suburban housewife, expected to live her heart’s desire and passion through housework, marriage and children. 

As she read, Rey began to recognise stories from her own experience. She remembered Linda, who had spoken of being a bored housewife, overwhelmed with young children at the same time and who had turned to drink (probably supplied by her father in law, Rey realised with a grimace), Bazine, who was expected only to make a good marriage, and whose happiness counted for little and even herself - not marriage material according to Mamma, but who would do well enough as a caregiver and maid. Nothing more.

She was halfway through the book when Leia walked into the room.

“Rey, how nice to see you in here,” she exclaimed, and smiled as she saw what Rey was reading. “Ah yes, The Problem.” Leia was referring to the term the author used to describe the unnamed malise that set in for the women in the book. “That’s a good book to start with. What do you think of it so far?”

“Well….” Rey said slowly. “It seems like the women in the book are deeply unhappy - but they have everything.”

Leia raised her brow at Rey’s statement.

“I suppose it depends on your definition of everything,” Leia replied cryptically. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, and you know I love my son more than life itself. But don’t depend on any man for your security - especially not Solo men.” There was bitterness in Leia’s words, but Rey supposed that she couldn’t fault her on that. But, what did she mean about Ben - was he so much like his father? “So, tell me, what will you do to support yourself, so that you don’t need to rely on a man? Even when that man is my son.”

Rey had avoided thinking about it since their arrival. She had shoved down her concern as she had watched Ben become aimless, but felt powerless to do anything about it. It seemed that when he was ready he would take the necessary action, and until then she would remain silent. 

“I don’t know. What did you do when Han went down a path you couldn’t follow?” She asked.

“My dear, I come from money.” Leia spoke - as if the answer was obvious. “Which was fortunate, as when he first left I was so young and Ben was so little. When he came back with the entire Pastor…... farce, I could chose to stay here. If I didn’t have the financial means to support myself - well then… I guess I would have had to go with him.” 

Rey knew how much Leia had hated Han’s business idea. Leia’s steely gaze was locked to Rey’s face before she continued, her voice firm.

“So, I ask again, what will you do to provide for yourself - even if Ben does find his way? What do you want your contribution to the world to be?”

The book had shaken her idea of what fulfillment looked like. She had never considered a career, or further education as things she would want for herself.

“I don’t know,” Rey admitted. ‘What do you think?”

Leia shrugged, and then went about arranging the beanbags in a circle. “I don’t know either, a life’s purpose rarely falls in your lap like that - you have to seek it out. But knowledge is power. So do a little exploring - some research. The New York Public Library is an excellent place to start. Find something that interests you and go from there.”

Rey stared at the floor. The idea of going to the famed New York Public Library - which was within walking distance - sounded wonderful, but there was something that held her back.

“I’m too afraid to go out like this..” she said, gesturing to her drab and outdated shirtwaister. “Ben said he would give me the money, but that he wouldn’t take me.”

Leia nodded her understanding.

“Yes, Ben is allergic to shopping. As am I,” Leia responded thoughtfully. “Tell you what, we are about to have a conscious raising, and there is a young woman, Kaydel, that I think would take you out to find something a bit more groovy. If you help me set up, you can stay and I can introduce you. What do you think?”

Rey jumped at the opportunity to be useful, and began to help Leia to set up the room. She was also was eager for a new friend - she missed Bazine. 

They worked together to prepare for their guests, setting out the shrimp cocktail and a big pot of tea, although Leia insisted on preparing the large jug of Bloody Mary herself.

“Isn't this meeting serious, though? Aren’t you worried that people might get drunk?” Rey had wondered.

Leia snorted as she poured herself a glass.

“Just because we are discussing a serious matter, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun,” she suggested with a wink. 

Rey set out the onion dip and arranged the potato chips around it like Leia instructed. 

“Leia, what exactly is a conscious raising, anyway?” Rey asked curiously.

“Just a group of women talking, finding common ground and making plans to take action. You might find it enlightening,” Leia said easily, taking another sip.

Rey supposed there wasn’t much harm in listening to a group of women talk, though she decided to stick with tea.

Forty minutes later, and she was absolutely scandalised by the tone of the conversation. What had started out as a relatively spirited discussion about the troubles getting The Pill as an unmarried woman had taken a more ribald note once the bloody marys had begun to flow. It would seem that there were two camps within the group, those that had husbands and boyfriends that pleasured them well, and those that did not.

Rey remained silent as the conversation swirled around her. Kaydel was sitting beside her, and she was indeed young and groovy like Leia had said, with a very short brightly patterned shift dress and a short bob. She was also very happy to take Rey on a shopping trip the next day, and Rey couldn’t wait to lift her self imposed exile.

The women shared the most intimate details about their sex lives, including the size of their man’s endowment, and whether or not he was willing to perform any “downstairs” ministrations. Rey blushed, but was silently grateful that Ben had turned out to be, well, _skilled_ in that area. She realised that perhaps her experience was the exception, rather than the norm.

After a while, Amilyn Holdo turned to ask Rey a question.

“Tell me, Rey, you are a newlywed - does that big strapping husband of yours take good care of you?” 

Rey startled in shock at the question, her tea cup rattling in her hand.

“Take good care of me?” Rey squeaked.

Amilyn leaned in a little closer. “You know - does he make you come?”

Everyone fell silent, clearly curious as to the answer. Rey wanted the room to swallow her whole, and she stole a glance at Leia to see if she was uncomfortable with the turn in conversation.

Leia didn’t seem ruffled by it, in fact she smiled a little as she look another sip of her bloody mary.

“I guess so,” Rey responded evasively, trying to give the most minimal answer possible to end the conversation.

Amilyn would not be dissuaded so easily. “The prowess of Han Solo is legendary, god only knows Leia has brought it up often enough. So, does the son take after his father?” She said with a cheeky cock of her brow.

Rey’s jaw dropped open in shock. She really didn’t want to think about her parents in law in that way.

Leia cleared her throat.

“Thank you, Amilyn. Leave the poor girl alone.” Rey was relieved that Leia had come to her rescue, and not a moment too soon. “And if Ben is even half the man his father is, well, no wonder Rey spends so much time up in their room.”

The room was filled with laughter - but not the unkind type. Rey choked on her tea and wanted the bean bag to suck her into another dimension - like in one of Ben’s old comics on his desk. 

It was odd that things could feel so claustrophobic in such a large house - that there could be such little privacy. Thankfully the conversation turned to other topics.

As the women said their goodbyes, Kaydel turned to give Rey a hug.

“You and me, let’s go out and have some fun tomorrow. I bet your husband won’t recognise you after we are done. Catch you on the flip side.” She said with a giggle. Rey thought it sounded very exciting, and free.

Kaydel was right. They did go out and have fun together, visiting Macy’s, trying on so many outfits she couldn’t possibly count them all. Kaydel also dragged her to the make up counter under a great deal of protest, but after her makeover was finished Rey had to admit that she looked good. Her hazel eyes flecked with gold seemed larger, done up with a pale lid and a dark crease, while the rest of her face was kept soft and natural. She drew the line at false eyelashes, however, she didn’t care how fashionable they were, they didn't seem practical.

“Don’t hide how cute you are!” Kaydel said as she loosened Rey’s hair from its usual ponytail so it hung loose around her face. “Let your husband get a little nervous that his wife is out and about town looking like this, he won’t stay hiding up in his room for long!” Rey had taken heed of her advice, against her better judgement. But something happened on the way home as she wore her new outfit.

She felt like she fit, like she belonged. She no longer felt like the dowdy sister - or invisible. She was suddenly young, beautiful and fashionable - and the men she crossed paths with clearly thought the same- from the appreciative looks she was getting. She thought her legs might turn blue in the brisk October wind - but Kaydel had convinced her that not only was it alright - every girl in New York was wearing a short skirt of some description, but that she _should_ with her long, lean legs. 

Ben had walked straight into a door when he saw his wife dressed in a paisley mini dress and flats. Mini being the operative word.

“ _Dang_ ,” was all he could say as he rubbed at the egg forming on his head.

He eyed her hungrily all through their dinner with Leia, and she blushed, but was inwardly elated as she saw how his eyes never left her. Leia seemed amused by it all, shaking her head as she tried to make conversation with her son. Later, he whispered into her ear as they cleared away the dishes that if it wasn't for their protection being upstairs, he would have taken her to the hallway closet immediately to ravish her.

Rey immediately resolved to find out more about The Pill.

Later, as they lay naked in each other’s arms, she told him about her conversation with his mother and suggested that he come to the library with her the next day. 

“Ah, so my mother got to you in the end,” he smiled. “You go, do whatever you need to, but I don’t think so. I’m just gonna hang out here, watch tv.”

Rey narrowed her eyes as she looked at him.

“That’s all you’ve been doing since we got here. That and the other thing.” She huffed. “I thought the idea was that we would start a new life together. Not watch tv in your childhood bedroom at your mother’s house.”

Her tone belied her frustration with him, but he seemed unmoved.

“There’s no rush.” He kissed her softly on the lips, and rolled over to sleep.

As she slipped her soft nightgown over her head, another purchase Kaydel insisted on, Rey decided she would go tomorrow anyway. She stared at the ceiling as she lay down and pulled the covers up to her neck. She felt the space between their bodies like it was the Grand Canyon.

Kaydel had spoken with great enthusiasm about starting college in the fall two months earlier. Rey didn’t want to wait any longer, she longed for passion and purpose, and it had made sense to her when Leia said she would need to go out and find what that was. She didn’t want to end up like the bored, depressed women in that book.

She just wished she could inspire her husband to seek passion and purpose too.

The next day she skipped up the steps of the New York Public Library, having walked the distance rather than brave the subway. The building seemed almost like a museum, where you wouldn’t find books, but rather priceless works of art and other things one must view from behind a rope. It was far more imposing that the local library back home.

_No, New York is my home now,_ she corrected herself.

She had no idea where to start, but the helpful librarian suggested that she start with the college catalogues.

After a little while her mind turned to Ben, and she furrowed her brow in concern. It seemed that while Ben had escaped the illegal dealings of his father, the expectations of his mother seemed to stifle him. He seemed… smaller somehow, less than himself. Gone was the devastatingly handsome and self assured man she fell in love with, the man who fought to have her by his side, who gave up everything he knew at a moments notice and changed the course of his life to bring her to New York. 

He was more the aimless and sullen teenage boy that ran off with his father ten years ago seeking adventure. Frustrated, she closed the catalogue and added it to the pile she had finished. She huffed her hair from her face.

She drummed her fingers on the hard wood of the desk in thought, then decided she would try her luck with the newspapers. Perhaps she could be inspired by the acts of others.

As she waded through The New York Times she realised - there was a whole world of change happening around her - Woodstock, the moon landing, although she knew about the moon landing, Mamma didnt have a television set to watch it on, but further than that there had been civil unrest in the form of riots and protests. All this change, and she wasn’t a part of any of it.

She blinked as it all sunk in, her world had gone from insular to vast in a matter of weeks, and now it stared at her in the face in print form. She shoved her unease down and continued her research - but nothing really inspired her.

It was at the end of the day when she walked through the front door again, her fingers stained black with ink. 

She sprinted up the stairs to find Ben, to talk to him about her day. She found him as expected, watching television in their room. His room. There was nothing hers about it, just full of mementos of a Ben she didn’t know.

He was watching some western show - Gunsmoke or Bonanza. Whichever it was it didn’t matter. He smiled when he saw her, and she climbed on the bed to snuggle up next to him.

“How was your day?” She asked, hopeful that he had done something more interesting than sit in his room.

“It was ok, I guess,” he said, his voice cracking from hours of silence. “Mostly been here, had a shower, watched tv. Spoke to Dad.”

She felt as if the air had been sucked from her. It was far worse than she had realised.

“What did he want?” She asked, the waiver in her voice betraying her nerves.

“He wanted to ask me about some business stuff. Nothing important.” He shrugged, his eyes remaining fixed on the television screen.

It did little to make her feel better. Her stomach was twisted in knots, and part of her just wanted to stick her head in the sand. But she was hurt, really hurt - and as tears pricked in her eyes she found the courage she needed to not let it go so easily.

“What kind of business stuff, Ben? I thought you had walked away from all of that.”

His eyes drifted to her face slowly.

“Like I said, nothing for you to worry about.” He said carefully. “Just wanted to ask me about an account.”

“Well, I don’t think you should be helping him like that.” She snapped. “That wasn’t our agreement, or the agreement with your mother. What did she say when you spoke with your dad?”

His eyes narrowed, and his chin set in quiet defiance.

“She wasn’t home. She doesn’t know. It won’t happen again.” He returned his attention to the television.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence, which Rey was desperate to break.

“I went to the library,” she said brightly. “I looked through some college catalogs, but nothing interested me. I looked through The New York Times as well, same thing. I’m going to go back tomorrow.”

He snorted. “Education is bullshit.”

She felt her ire rise at his disdain.

“Well, I don’t think so. Knowledge is power, and we have a chance to really make something of ourselves. Set our future. Decide for ourselves what we want. There is a whole world happening out there - we should be a part of it.”

“You sound like my mother,” he said dryly, his eyes still glued to the television screen.

Something inside her twisted, and she wanted to shake sense into him to reach him, but she didn’t know how.

“Yeah, well maybe your mother is smart. _You_ sound like your father.” She snapped.

“Well, maybe I do.” He said dismissively. She broke from their embrace and went to find Leia. 

Their first argument as a married couple, and Ben did nothing to stop her leaving.

She found Leia in the kitchen preparing dinner - a strange assortment of party foods and nibbles, Leia was not really that fond of the domestic arts.

Rey missed proper home cooked meals, too. She couldn’t believe it, but she was homesick for the past - when she and Ben only had their small but familiar world to contend with. Where they had no agency or autonomy, but where they only had each other.

To her dismay, Rey promptly burst into tears.

Leia immediately put down what she was doing to envelop Rey in a warm embrace. Rey sank into it, not caring any longer of the display she was making of herself.

Leia shushed her and stroked her hair softly until her sobs subsided.

“Rough day at the library?” Leia asked with a smile.

Rey laughed through her tears.

“Not really,” she replied. “I’m worried about Ben. He hasn’t been himself since we arrived. He just sits up in his room and watches television. I don’t know what to do. I love him Leia, but I can’t reach him.”

She kept Ben’s conversation with Han to herself.

Leia frowned. “I think Ben is stuck between worlds. He left the life he knew, now he’s back, ten years older, no education, no job and no legal work history, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. He has to live with the consequences of his decisions, whether he likes it or not, but it doesn’t mean he will accept them easily.”

Rey knew it made logical sense, and while she had known in her heart of hearts that it was never going to be an easy transition for him, the reality of it had a sting in its tail that she wasn’t prepared for.

“I thought when we came to New York things would be easier. But it’s not.” She sniffed. “I don’t know what to do with my life, and Ben doesn’t even seem to care that he doesn’t either. This is not how I saw things working out.”

“Rey, life rarely ever does work out the way we planned. You’re smart, my dear, you’ll work it out I’m sure. Just remember, he’s got to follow his own path – no one can choose it for him.”

Rey wasn’t so sure.

“Why did you let him leave? Why didn’t you make him stay?”

Leia sighed heavily.

“Ben was very much like his father. There was only one person he took orders from – himself.”

The older woman gently stroked Rey’s face to dry away her tears.

“Rey, I want you to know that you can always stay here with me. _Always_.”

Rey sniffed and nodded. Not that she necessarily wanted to stay, she didn’t think it was good for Ben. But it was comforting to know that no matter what, she had somewhere to call home. Save for the finger food.

“I remember when Ben was a boy,” Leia smiled, “he just loved playing baseball. Baseball, baseball, baseball. That’s all we ever heard about. Mickey the Mantle this, Mickey the Mantel that.” Leia laughed at the memory, then broke their embrace and led them both to the kitchen bench.

“I think that’s about the extent of my wisdom for now. I need a hand threading the cocktail onions onto the skewers, come help me.”

Rey blanched inwardly at the thought of the cocktail onions, but did as Leia bid her. As she worked, a thought began to take shape. She hoped that Ben would agree to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 is already written and will be posted in a week folks. This little story is coming to a close. My brain is getting filled with new writing projects which I am really excited about, but, well, this fic is one of the best things I have ever achieved. 
> 
> I practically wrote a book. 
> 
> Love comments and kudos and only a week until the next instalment. I hope you enjoyed it!


	17. I only have eyes for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey puts her plan into action, but turns out she is not the only crafty woman in the house. Ben won't know what hit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the second last chapter, and I'm ready to deliver that HEA.
> 
> Thank you to wife, MyJediLife, who is a force to be reckoned with and a tower of strength.

_You are here, so am I_

_Maybe millions of people go by_

_But they all disappear from view_

_And I only have eyes for you_

Sung by the Flamingos

Composed by Harry Warren with lyrics by Al Dubin

That Saturday afternoon, Ben had agreed to one thing. He would take Rey to the last baseball game of the season at Yankee Stadium. She had begged him to go, after a week of fruitless searching for direction at the library she had begun to give up hope that she would find the answers there.

The least she could do was raise Ben’s spirits.

He looked so handsome in his jersey and cap, and she could barely take her eyes off him as they rode the subway together. Evidently, he had bulked up since he last wore it, stretched as it was across his shoulders. She clung to his arm for protection, she felt safe with him and he clearly remembered the way to the stadium as they made line switches with confidence. As they arrived at the 161st Street station, and they were instantly drawn in the throng of people also attending the game. She felt a mild panic well up within her, she had never been in such a big crowd before. Luckily Ben was a good deal taller than most, so he cut through with ease.

Ben quickly found their seats, with other Yankees fans going by in a sea of white and blue jerseys around them. Rey looked around the stadium in awe, dazzled by the scoreboards and the hum of the crowd around them.

“So, who are they playing today?” Rey asked.

“Cleveland Indians, sweetheart.” He replied.

“Who is the better team? The Yankees or the Indians?” she asked innocently, not knowing anything about baseball, or even sports for that matter.

The man sitting on the other side of Rey snorted. 

“What kind of a dumbass question is that?” he said.

Ben slowly peered around Rey to see who was addressing them. The man immediately shrank back into his seat as he saw the bulk of Ben’s frame, along with the clearly displeased look on his face.

“It’s my wife’s first game, and our first date. Catch my drift?” Ben glared.

Rey giggled, Ben was right, it was their first real date.

“Be cool, be cool.” The man shifted uncomfortably. “Hey man, I didn’t mean anything by it. Nice to take the little lady out for her first game.” 

Satisfied, Ben returned his attention back to Rey.

“The Yankees, baby, the Yankees are the better team,” he said with a lopsided grin.

Rey was pleased that her husband’s team was the better one, given it had been so long since he had been to a game.

They stood for the National Anthem, Ben with his cap in hand, after which the game began. Rey followed as best she could, but after a while she just sat, enthralled with Ben and how much he was enjoying himself. He seemed like himself again, but different – happier, freer, filled with joy. 

There was banter with the people around him, the man Ben had addressed earlier making a strong effort to join in. She also noticed a friendly rivalry with the Indians fans as well, nothing too serious, but a not so gentle ribbing each time the opposition fumbled – which was enthusiastically returned each time the Yankees did the same. He seemed to be in his element.

She also noticed men carrying boxes walking up and down the bleachers, she saw them dispensing beer and hot dogs using some kind of finger code that she didn’t understand, but everyone else seemed to. 

“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” Ben asked, amused as he saw her eyeing the food.

“Mmmhmm,” she nodded. “A hotdog please, ketchup, no mustard.” 

“Ah,” he said, clearly remembering from a few weeks earlier when he had given her a hot dog with the works.

Whatever signals needed to be made, Ben clearly spoke the language, and soon they each had a foot long hot dog in hand, and Ben had a beer. She wolfed hers down hungrily, it was perhaps the best hotdog she had ever had.

At one stage he caught a drop of ketchup in the corner of her mouth with the pad of his thumb, and sucked it off. They grinned at each other, and Rey felt the familiar tug of chemistry fire between them as their eyes met. Suddenly, she couldn’t wait for the game to be over.

Part way into the final inning, the ball came careening high above the crowd. Like a wave, they all rose to try and catch it, but Ben, with his long frame matched by long arms was the victor. Rey clapped as she jumped up and down with excitement, which turned into a squeal as Ben turned to grab her, dipping her to plant a passionate kiss on her lips behind his baseball cap. He tasted of beer and mustard, and she thought it more delicious than the hot dog.

“Newlyweds,” he explained to the crowd around them after breaking their kiss. The people around them nodded in understanding.

When the Yankees won 4-3 he lifted her in the air and kissed her again as he slid her down his body. It was a flagrant public display of affection, but she didn’t mind - anything to see him happy again. They smiled goofily at each other as they travelled home, and she forgot to be scared on the subway, or to pay much attention once they were walking again. She was just too wrapped up in him.

Once back inside their home, the moment they closed the front door he pressed her against the wall to capture her lips in a kiss. They were hungry for each other, and little noises and growls emitted from her throat as his kisses grew deeper and his hands began to roam. He pressed his excitement against her, and she wondered how on earth they were going to make it up the stairs without either of them having their wicked way with the other. It had been a magical day, a taste of how life could be if they were balanced - and making love at the end of it could only make it more perfect.

Even if it was only their first date.

Their passion was broken by the sound of a man’s voice coming from the dining room behind them. For a moment Rey was fearful it was Han, but the tone was way too low to be his. 

Ben pressed his forehead to hers as he looked deep into her eyes.

“I swear Rey, we need to get our own place.” He whispered in frustration.

“I know,” Rey whispered back. She would like nothing more.

He stiffened as the voice became a little louder.

“Uncle Chewie?” he said softly.

He bolted through the dining room doorway, clearly filled with excitement.

“Uncle Chewie!” he exclaimed. Rey followed him in to see her husband engulfed in a hug from a man almost seven feet tall, and with a long mane of strawberry blond hair. The man at first had seemed frightening, with his heavy set features and imposing build, but there was something warm and welcoming about him at the same time. Like a large, friendly wolfhound.

“Ben, my boy, you are still a pipsqueak, but you have certainly filled out,” Uncle Chewie chuckled, ruffling Ben’s hair. 

“Well, its been ten years, plenty of time to fill out. But I’m not a pipsqueak,” Ben huffed, but Rey could see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Rey giggled behind them, it was amusing for her tall and well-built husband to be called short. Ben remembered his manners and brought her from the doorway.

“Uncle Chewie, this is my wife, Rey. Rey, this is Uncle Chewie. He’s an old friend of my father’s.”

Rey smiled as she shook his hand, even as the fear tugged at her heart that this man could be a connection for Ben back to his father.

“You got yourself a Foxy Mama there, little buddy.” Uncle Chewie said.

“Right on, Uncle Chewie, right on,” Ben replied with a grin.

“How was the game?” Leia asked, neither Ben nor Rey had noticed her until just then.

“Mom, it was great! The Yankees won – and look!” he proudly showed the foul ball he had caught. “I’m pretty sure the camera’s caught me kissing Rey, too,” he added with a wink.

As the other adults laughed, Rey gasped in shock. It was one thing to kiss in front of a few hundred people around them – it was another to kiss in front of America.

“Ben Solo,” she swatted him playfully. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“Sorry honey, I got caught up in the moment,” he shrugged. Rey didn’t think he seemed that sorry at all, in fact he seemed rather pleased with himself.

“What brings you here, have you seen my dad?” Ben asked curiously.

“I’m here visiting your mom, at her invitation.” He said, nodding towards her. “I haven’t seen your dad since the day he took off from New York,” Uncle Chewie said gruffly. “Wouldn’t mind seeing him, but I don’t want any of his backdoor hooch. The Kashyyyk Club is a proper music venue, everything above board. Gotta keep The Man off my back, ya know.”

Rey sighed inwardly. Uncle Chewie didn’t seem like a threat.

Ben let out a long whistle.

“You run the Church of Rock and Roll?” he said incredulously.

“Little buddy, I don’t just run the Church of Rock and Roll – I own the Church of Rock and Roll,” was the smug reply.

Ben’s eyes lit up at that piece of information.

“Do you think sometime I could swing on by? Maybe catch a set or two?” Ben seemed like an eager school boy trying to play it cool. Rey felt her heart lift to see him so clearly passionate about something. The day just kept getting better. 

“Tell you what, got Led Zeppelin playing tonight. I need to book, can you dig it?”

“Len Zeppelin! Rockin!” Ben replied. 

Rey was confused, but from what she could tell Uncle Chewie invited Ben to a concert, and Ben had agreed to accompany him.

Ben turned to Rey.

“Coming with, Foxy Mama?” he asked.

Rey thought for a moment before replying.

“It’s cool. Catch you on the flip side,” she said brightly.

Ben didn’t need to hear it twice as he bolted upstairs to change his shirt. Once Ben was gone, Leia turned to Uncle Chewie with a serious expression across her face. 

“No job unless he earns it, deal?”

“Leia, I ain’t go no time for flakes, and all show and no go,” Uncle Chewie replied sagely. “He’ll need to work his way up like all the others.”

It was many hours later that Ben returned home. Rey roused as she heard him take a shower, and then again as he slipped into bed beside her.

“I showered because I stunk like stale booze and cigarettes,” he murmured into her ear. “It’s going to be an occupational hazard.” She could hear the smile in his voice, but it took her a few moments to catch on.

She twisted to look at him.

“You have a job?” She could barely contain the excitement in her voice.

“It’s just a busboy gig – but man, I got to hear Led Zeppelin. Led Zeppelin! Next week it’s The Kinks and Cream!” 

He pressed against her in excitement, and she felt the earlier tension between them return. She slowly wrapped her arm back around him and lifted her leg so he could slot in between hers. He moaned hotly at her ear as he began to rock against her.

“Rey, baby, I’m so sorry. I’ve been real uptight ever since we got here, I’m going to make it up to you – just wait and see.”

Rey groaned as his fingers found the place between her legs.

“Ben, I just want you back. That’s all. The real Ben, the one I love. The one I married.”

He dipped a finger inside her entrance and she shuddered around him as she felt the stretch, soon another joined and she was whimpering into the pillow, but not so loud that she couldn’t hear his response.

“Baby, it’s all I got for you. It’s all that you deserve.”

Their love making was slow and sensual, an exploration of each other and expression of the love they felt. It was a heady mix of make up sex and celebration that it seemed Ben had found his path. He slung her leg back over his as he entered her, their bodies moving in an ever increasing rhythm until they both crashed over the edge and into each other.

The next morning she slid out of bed carefully so as not to wake him. She couldn’t help but tenderly stroke the lock of hair that had fallen onto his face. 

She was a familiar face at the library by now as she made her well worn path to the periodical section. She had exhausted the supply of newspapers by this time, and while she certainly was now much better versed on the ways of the world, she was no closer to finding her purpose in it.

She cast her eyes over the racks of magazines. Time Magazine had named the Apollo 8 astronauts as their Persons of the Year in 1968. She supposed that it was a start, a magazine issue that exhalated the impact people had on the world.

She flicked through the glossy pages, skimming as she had learned to do until a story made her come to a stop. Her heart began to thump in her chest as she read about the first helicopter transfer of a premature baby from one hospital to another a year earlier. The infant had travelled in a box on the lap of a nurse from the Sisters of the Third Order of St. Francis.

She thought about how wonderful it would feel to help a person who was ill or in need of desperate medical attention. She remembered the two chicks she and Ben had rescued months before, most likely destined to be Sunday dinner by now, and the wondrous feeling of bringing them back to life, of taking care of them. She drummed her fingers on her knee as she read on, imagining how exciting - but terrifying - it would have felt for that nurse, and how elated she would have felt when the baby was transported safely.

She was driven to learn more.

That was how Rey spent the rest of her day, reading and researching. She couldn’t understand all of it, but what was clear was that a new era of nursing was coming into being. Rey wanted to be a part of it. She felt it like a fire in her belly, perhaps a little higher up than the fire her husband stoked within her. She needed to explore this more, to see how she could make this happen for herself.

If she made it all the way to New York, a university education couldn't be that much more of a stretch? She would find out.

Later that afternoon she came home to find Ben and his mother in the kitchen, chatting over coffee at the island bench. She smiled as she sensed a lessening of tension between them, a healing. Something had settled in Ben, she could sense it. There was a light in his eyes, and it burned ever brighter as she entered the room.

He jumped up to kiss her on the cheek, and to offer her his seat.

As she sat Leia poured her a steaming hot cup of tea.

“Ben has been filling me in on all his adventures,” Leia said. “How was your day?”

“Well,” Rey said slowly, barely able to contain her excitement. “I think I know what I want to do. I want to be an intensive care nurse, and I want to study at New York University." She took in a deep breath. "I mean, I know will most likely have to go to community college – hopefully midyear intake, because, well, science wasn't something for girls back in Georgia, and transfer after that. But… this is it – this is my calling. I know it. I _feel_ it.” 

A broad grin erupted across Ben’s face as he squeezed her tightly. “Baby, you can do anything you set your mind to. But I know you can do this better than anyone. You are as smart as a whip, caring, loving, determined and principled. I feel it. too. We can get our own place now that I have a job, it’s gonna be a blast.”

Leia smiled as she sipped her coffee. “So, when do you go check out NYU?”

“Next week,” Rey said excitedly. “I’m booked into the tour.”

Ben tilted his head to one side in thought. He chewed his lip before speaking.

“You want me to tag along?” Ben asked carefully.

Rey smiled, she was so happy he offered, she felt his support. She felt that he wanted for her the same thing she wanted for herself.

Freedom, happiness and purpose.

“Nope,” she replied confidently. “I can do this on my own.”

________

One week later Rey stood between the Washington Square Fountain and the Washington Square Arch as she looked back at New York University. The tour was everything she hoped for, and now she had purpose and direction. She was going to become an intensive care nurse, specialising in premature infants. 

She knew that she had found her little bit of New York that was going to be just hers. Just like their new apartment, when they found one, would be just hers and Ben’s. 

It wasn't going to be easy, not by a long stretch. But she was determined and with Ben by her side, she felt there was nothing they couldn't do.She was going to have it all, only having it all was much more exciting and grander than she could have imagined.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, what will that last chapter look like? Perhaps some kind of belated honeymoon arrangement? Did Rey get to the doctor go on the Pill? Wonder what Ben will think about that? 
> 
> I love comments and kudos, and it is bittersweet as I drop the last chapter and the epilogue in a week or so.


	18. I got you babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey finally get the honeymoon (and the life) that they deserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now is the final chapter and then on to the epilogue which I am posting at the same time.
> 
> I have so many people to thank, there is a long list at the end of the story. I hope the journey has been worth it.

I got you to hold my hand

I got you to understand

I got you to walk with me

I got you to talk with me

I got you to kiss goodnight

I got you to hold me tight

I got you, I won't let go

I got you to love me so

Written by Sonny Bono

Sung by Sonny and Cher

Rey stroked the soft leather straps of her new luggage as it rested on the bed. It was another surprise in a long list of surprises. She watched as Ben tipped the bellhop, he seemed to be in his element, taking care of all the little details. He hadn’t told her where he was taking her, only that it was time for their long overdue honeymoon, and he wanted to treat her like the queen she was. 

He had to remind her to keep her eyes on the road when she first laid eyes on the resort as it appeared over the crest of the hill. It was so grand, a stark white against the backdrop of the mountains in the full bloom of spring that rose behind it. She had never seen anything so picturesque, and the idea that it was going to be their home for the next seven days filled her with excitement.

Excitement that pulsed over every single inch of her body.

Ben had insisted that she drive the two hours to the hotel, for driving practice - she saw the gleam in his eye as she took the wheel of Uncle Chewie’s shiny new black convertible. 

“You’re a natural,” he had said to her.

“Oh, I know how to handle a gear stick,” she replied, a cheeky grin pulling at the side of her mouth.

“That you do,” he said as he leaned over to nuzzle behind her ear. “Now drive, I want to get to the hotel as soon as possible,” he growled.

Her body thrummed with excitement at the promise behind his words. Little did he know what she had planned for him.

It had been a hectic few months, Ben working nights at the Kashyyyk club while she attended college classes during the day. Uncle Chewie was having him try his hand at some of the back of house jobs, and it seemed like Ben was a natural. It wasn’t where Ben really wanted to be - he wanted to be the one booking the bands, finding the talent - but he knew he had to earn his place at the table. Rey saw what was happening - Han had given Ben an education at the school of life, but had always looked for the easy route, but Uncle Chewie was intent on making sure there were no easy paths to what Ben wanted. 

Like the path that Rey and Ben had to each other.

While Rey missed him during the night, she understood. She would sleep early, to awake as he arrived back to her bed after having washed the night away, as ready to claim her as she was to claim him. He, in turn, would sleep as she studied silently at his desk. Leia snorted that it was the only academic pursuit the desk had ever experienced. Ben had made sure he had taken Rey on top of it that night, her knees pressed to his chest. She had gripped the top of the desk tightly as he drove into her, and they never took their eyes of each other for a moment.

She gave him an A+.

She knew it wouldn’t always be that way. Eventually, she would start working all hours herself. It was a luxury that they afforded each other, space to pursue their dreams, even if it meant that their time together was hurried moments snatched at odd hours.

Not unlike how they first began their relationship.

She surveyed the sumptuous Washington suite he had booked. It was the most opulent room she had ever been in, all gold brocade, busy wallpaper and deep burgundy velvet. It was like stepping back in time, to another place where she could play lady of the house and have her every whim tended to.

“Getting decorating tips, sweetheart?” Ben chuckled as he watched her.

She wrinkled her nose in reply. “It’s lovely for a week, but I wouldn’t like to live in it all the time. I think I will stick to the goodwill/my mother in law doesn’t need this anymore style for our new digs.”

He smiled. “As long as you are in it, baby, that’s all I need.”

She returned his grin as she began to unpack her things, hiding the surprise she had in store for him that would soon be revealed. The black silk was cool under her fingertips, and she shivered at the idea of it caressing her body as he took her.

“I still can’t believe your mom is paying the rent on our new apartment until I finish my studies,” Rey said.

“Oh, I can,” Ben said smoothly. “She said we were cramping her style, remember, and she wanted to make sure that at least one other Solo finished their education. Only two more weeks until we have our own little piece of the world that is just for us.”

There was no bitterness in his tone now. He had found his true passion outside of the ideals his parents held for him (or lack thereof as far as Han was concerned). Leia could wish for him to travel down the path of higher education all she wanted. He was happy with his choice.

By this time he had finished unpacking his own things, so he turned to face her. She bit her lip as he stared at her. The now familiar passion was there, but now there was something else. A little something extra she couldn’t wait to share with him.

“So, shall we go for a walk up into the mountains?” he asked with a cock of his brow.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.

He took a step closer to her.

“Perhaps we could bathe in the indoor swimming pool?” he suggested, his lips twitching as he suppressed a smile. 

“Some other time,” she said, her eyes wide in mock innocence. 

He stood before her, reaching to stroke her bare arm that was kissed by the sun. She shivered as goose bumps followed the trail of his fingertips.

“What do you suggest then, sweetheart?” he said, leaning down to nuzzle her neck. She exhaled a soft moan as his lips nipped and sucked at her sensitive flesh. His other hand moved down to thread around her waist to draw her to him. She gripped his shoulders as she swooned, overcome with desire as her chest pressed to his. For a moment the only sound in the room was that of lips caressing soft skin, and the rustle of her skirts as he sought underneath them.

It took every ounce of her power to pull away, and he was taken by surprise, heavy lidded and swollen mouthed. 

“I need to get changed first, I have a surprise,” she murmured. “Undress and wait for me on the bed.”

She went to the closet, the slip easily sliding off the hanger. She couldn’t wait for him to see her in it, it was very daring – racy even. Like what one of those ladies would wear in the magazines that Ben had sworn off after their first interlude in the barn. At first, when she had entered the store, she had been too shy to even look at the sexy lingerie hanging on display. But the shop assistant was so kind that after a while Rey was comfortable enough to explain what she was looking for.

“Happy second honeymoon,” the shop assistant had said with a wink as she handed Rey her beautifully wrapped parcel. Rey had been careful to hide it as soon as she arrived home, she wanted it to be a surprise.

It was to be a surprise no longer.

Ben’s eyes grew wide as he got a glimpse of what was in her hand, his hands quickly moving to the neck of his t-shirt to do as she bid him. 

She giggled and went to the bathroom to change. After a few minutes, she could hear him cursing in the bedroom, and she was quite confident she knew the cause. She took one last look at herself in the mirror, smiling as she looked at the confident young woman who was about to give her husband the time of his life.

The look on his face was priceless as he saw her in the doorway, and he immediately stopped his rummaging in his toiletry bag – as if frozen in time. The black silk slip clung to her curves in all the right ways, skimming just underneath her backside, but it was the artfully placed lace that had his true attention. It revealed her high, firm breasts, her jutting nipples clearly on view underneath. The lace was cut into a deep “v” at the front, almost to her navel. It was having the desired effect.

“Rey… wow. Just wow.” She smiled as she saw he was rendered almost speechless.

She began to walk towards him, her eyes travelling the length of his naked body. She saw him twitch with excitement, she felt as if she was stalking her prey, and this big strong man was powerless to resist her. His eyes were dark with desire.

When she was within reaching distance, she lifted her arms to circle around his neck. He caught her before she could touch him, which came as no surprise.

“Darling, I’m sorry. I was so sure that I packed supplies. I was so sure of it. We can do other things before I can get to a drug store… although I have no idea where the nearest drug store is.” He rasped. “It seems such a shame to waste what you have on.” 

He sounded genuinely heartbroken.

She smiled like the Cheshire cat as she closed the distance between them. As her breasts hit his chest she felt the rub of lace on her nipples. His fingers were still gripped tightly around her wrists, but he didn’t stop her.

“Oh, you packed them. I unpacked them.”

He twitched again, this time against her stomach.

“Why would you do that?” he said, looking deep into her eyes, desperately trying to understand what she was playing at.

“About six weeks ago, I went to the doctor. I’m on The Pill. We don’t need to use anything anymore.” She said softly.

Recognition spread across his face as his jaw dropped ever so slightly. She looked at him up from under her lashes. She knew the wait was worth it. He growled as he released her wrists to slide down her body to squeeze her backside.

“You mean I can take my wife whenever the impulse and opportunity presents itself?”

“You better believe it,” she said, her eyes locked to his. 

There was a whole new world for them to explore now, a new freedom and control over when they would start a family. Rey wanted to have Ben’s babies with all her heart – but first she wanted to finish her education and make her mark in other ways.

“You are going to be the death of me,” he said, his face hovering just above her mouth.

“Good,” she replied before he began to kiss her like a man possessed. 

He pushed her down onto the bed, his mouth never breaking contact. She met his ardour with equal passion, scraping her fingers down his back. His hands were at her waist, stroking the soft black silk, until he moved them up to her chest, pulling down the front of her slip and taking each of her nipples into his mouth in turn.

She arched to meet his attentions, threading her hands through his thick hair as she gasped. She felt her core clench with need, wrapping her legs around his waist to pull him to her. As was tradition, she had forgone underwear, and his velvety hardness at the apex of her thighs was all she needed to increase her hunger. She was immediately compelled to have him sheathed inside her, nothing else between them but a ravenous passion. She angled her hips to line him up with her entrance.

“Oh god Rey, I love you so much,” he groaned as he began to gently thrust inside her. She was taken somewhere else as she felt the sensation of him, his heat and hers curling together. She tilted her pelvis higher, and he slid into her in one smooth movement.

“Jesus. You feel so good, I can feel you so hot around me. I can feel every pulse, every inch of you.” He rasped, still for the moment as they drank in the new experience together. Rey growled, her teeth bared in animalistic passion. She had always in awe of the pleasure they gave each other, but this, this was something else. Something more.

He began to move and it was as if the most glorious light was being created within her, a sensation like no other she had known. She had eagerly been anticipating this moment for weeks now, her sexy little secret that she wanted to reveal at this exact moment. But in her wildest musings about what it would be like to experience passion with Ben in this way, she hadn’t realised how much closer to him she would feel - not just physically but emotionally too.

The intensity of it was rapidly taking hold of her, and she felt the familiar pull of an impending climax. It took her by surprise.

“Ben,” she said through gritted teeth as her breath heaved in her chest and she arched her back. “It’s so good, I think..” she gasped. “I think I’m going to…”

“Shit, baby I can tell,” he groaned as he snapped his hips to her.

“Oh.. this is….,” she moaned. The words were taken from her as her pleasure took hold. She keened as he continued to thrust within her, allowing the sensation to wash over her as she writhed, pulsed and clenched around him. She clung to him as he did, and every moment or so she was able to open her eyes and see his beautiful face looking down on her with pure delight.

The sensations gradually passed and a warm glow spread throughout her body. Slumping, she smiled lazily at him with one eye open. She wasn’t expecting it to happen so quick, but the feel of him inside her with nothing between them was overwhelming. It was so total, so complete. Like a new layer of intimacy had forged them together.

He nuzzled her neck as he softly chuckled. 

“Well, that got off to a very good start then.”

“It did,” she agreed breathlessly.

“Are you ready for more?” 

“Please Ben, I need you,” she whined. She was not completed, not by a country mile.

He stretched his long arm to reach for a pillow, which he wedged underneath her. She felt a thrill course through her, she knew what he had planned. He caged himself over her body, it always touched her how he was able to use his brute strength to bring her unimaginable pleasure, but be careful with her all the same.

He began to move again, thrusts long and slow. The rhythmic sound of their bodies meeting filled the room, accompanied by her stuttered gasps and his long moans. He shifted her so her knees were pressed to her chest while her calves rested on his shoulders. She was pinned beneath him, unable to do anything more than keen as he set about a punishing pace. She loved it when he took her like that, taking the reins, maintaining control while understanding on a deep and intimate level exactly what she needed. He was right when he had said that there were times when he would want her to follow his lead. She willingly surrendered, for she trusted him completely. 

It was so similar to their first night together, like a new world had opened up and they were both forever changed. But this time, she saw their future, she saw how their lives together were mapped out. There were no secrets, no shame, no fear. They were as close and connected as two people could possibly be.

She knew they had a love that was truly the stuff of great romance novels, only they were both flesh and blood – not ink on a page.

“I love you,” he grunted. He cursed as she clenched around him hard and she felt the first wave wash over her.

“I love you, too,” she moaned.

“This is the best wedding gift in the history of wedding gifts.”

His face was flush with exertion, as she was sure hers was too. He gave a low grunt, a familiar tell of his own. He was just as close as she was. She clenched down hard around him, his eyes grew wide as he almost toppled on top of her.

She giggled, which then quickly turned to a high squeal as he lifted her higher, changing the pace to long, smooth strokes as he entered her. She was rendered paralysed underneath him. Another wave hit her and she knew that she was not far away from total completion.

“You are mine, and I am yours,” he said, his voice stuttering as he quickened his pace again now that he saw how consumed by passion she was.

She wanted to respond in kind, but all she could do was look up at him open mouthed as her pleasure claimed her as much as he was. It was like the tail end of a firecracker, snaking and uncoiling deep within her belly. The tingle began in her toes, spreading upward into her core, then travelling like lightning through her body. She was silent for only a moment, which was quickly replaced by a guttural moan that came up deep within him. The sound of him panting soon drowned out her sounds as he tipped over the edge. The intensity of it astounded her, she felt his every hot pulse as he drove into her – it seemed to her as if it was all too much as he bellowed above her. She loved watching him in these moments, she loved seeing in full technicolour the effect she had on him.

He collapsed, completely spent, his strong arms protecting her from the full force of his size. He slowly rolled away from her, groaning from the exertion when it was clear to her that he had been left boneless. She snuggled into him, his chest heaving under her cheek, lying wrapped in his arms. After a time his breathing returned to a more relaxed rhythm, and she could not remember a time when she had been more content. There was nowhere they needed to go and no place else that they needed to be for the next seven days.

He stroked her hair as they basked in the silence. Their connection was as strong as it ever could be.

“Ben?”

“Mmm..?” he responded sleepily.

“The first time we were together, you didn’t speak the truth that night. You said that you didn’t deserve me. But you do, utterly and completely. I didn’t know that I needed to be saved before you came into my life. I had always felt a longing in me, a desire to belong and have a place in the world. I thought I had it with the Khai’s, but that was just a holding pattern, a state of limbo until you entered my world and showed me what a life well lived could look like – and what it means to be truly loved.”

He blinked at her slowly, comprehending her words. She saw the emotions sweep over his face, relief, joy and perhaps a little regret. She understood that decisions rarely came wrapped in a neat package. On “Bonanza” it was easy to tell who was bad and who was good. There was very little nuance to it, all in black and white, easy for the viewer to digest.

People in real life were more complex – and more surprising, too.

“Do you know what the first thing I noticed about you was?” she asked.

“No, you never mentioned it.” He said, his voice cracking with emotion.

“Your voice. I remember hearing it float down to me as you sang that morning in church. There was definitely something more than the spirit that stirred in me that day. Then when we were introduced… well, I think the term love struck completely applied to me. Not that I knew it at the time,” she admitted. “But I do now.”

A wry smile crossed his face.

“My darling, I knew exactly what I had hit me the moment I saw you sit next to your sister. It was like you were the only real person there, the only one that I could see. You captivated me in an instant, I was a goner. Hopelessly and completely.”

It was her turn to be a little dumbstruck - she was surprised to hear that he had been the one to notice her first. She smiled at how fated they were to be together, that in a crowded church on a Sunday morning that she would stand out to him, as reserved and mousy as she had been at that time. 

“Well, you didn’t act like it.” She said, poking him gently with her finger. She remembered their walk down to the river, the day she saved him from the cottonmouth snake. 

He shrugged.

“Well, it was quite a tricky situation I found myself in, plus I was… ashamed. You were this bright light of all that is good and wholesome in the world. I was just a dirty bootlegger, working for my dad, with little prospects and no education. I didn’t have anything to offer you, but I knew from the moment I met you that I wanted something different. I felt like there was a future, something wonderful with you. But I couldn’t reach for it until you showed me the way.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“Even when we arrived at my mother’s, I was still lost. I wanted to provide for you, be that man that you deserved. But it felt like all that greeted me in New York was the reminder of failure and of running away from my problems… and looking in all the wrong places for a solution. You are my right place.” 

Rey knew that from that first day in church, she was hopelessly lost to him. She had been so convinced he would never so much as look her way, and that when he did that it could only be for a little while. Girls like her did not attract men like him, was what she had told herself. But he looked down at her in complete adoration, and she knew that in his eyes she held the stars and the moon in the palm of her hand. He did not determine her value and place in the world, but he absolutely had helped her to see it.

“But, there is something else that weighs on me, something else I need to do.”

Ben took in a shaky breath, Rey could see how apprehensive he was. She squeezed his hand to reassure him. There was nothing they could not face together.

“I have spoken to my father, and he has agreed – we need to make what we did to the town right. We need to repay the damage. So, we will be making anonymous monthly donations into the church account until we have paid up in full. I need to wipe that part of the slate clean. So I can sleep at night. So my father can too.”

She blinked back the tears, the fire at the parsonage was something that had never sat right with her. She had tried to make her peace with it, but even though she had no desire, or even fondness for the town that she had left, she bore it no ill will either. He was right, it would wipe a portion of his past away – but not all of it. He couldn’t, but it was within his power to atone in the ways that he could.

“What did Han say to that?”

“Well, he wasn’t happy. It took him a while to come around to my way of thinking, but funnily enough, the old man seems to have had a change of heart. I think you knocked some sort of moral sense into him.”

Rey snorted, it was a ludicrous statement. “If your mother couldn’t, then I doubt I could.”

His face turned serious.

“You, Rey, have a way of leading people to the right choice. Some people demand, others cajole or manipulate. You just stand your ground, state the simple truth and allow others to come to their senses in their own time.”

She basked in the glow from his praise, she had never really thought about it like that – she hadn’t seen how she could have influence on anyone. She had thought she was nobody. But then she had turned Ben and Han, it seemed, from a life of ill-gotten gains, and had turned the tables on Mamma when she was accusing her of horrible untruths. Her mood turned sour as she remembered the dark path that Han led his son down, and the empty one that Mamma had planned for her.

“I need us to promise one more thing to each other,” she said seriously. “Our children – we won’t do to them what was done to us. We won’t burden them with our expectations or with our failures. We won’t decide for them what their purpose is, or their future. Our children will be happy and free to choose the life they want, and not have to wait for fate to take care of it for them.”

“Also, I want to adopt first, an older child. And treat that child like family, real family. To cherish, to hold, and to guide for as long as they need. To make sure that they have somewhere to belong. To  _ really _ belong.”

Ben smiled as he looked at her, and she saw the love and tenderness that radiated from him. He was her everything. He drew her in even closer and kissed her forehead.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from my fierce wife. Nothing less.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww, I think they are gonna make it don't you?
> 
> On to the epilogue!


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we get to find out what happens to, well, everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to the lovely, wonderful, generous and patient [LostInQueue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue/pseuds/LostInQueue) for turning the Rey’s letter into picture format for me! And for all your wonderful words of encouragement as I close off what has been a significant life achievement.
> 
> I will post the chapter just in text form in case it is hard for anyone to read on their device. The link is here [Text format letter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538621). 
> 
> Whew, so many thank yous are at the end notes, they almost are a chapter in themselves. But there is no way I could have been able to finish this story (and be happy with it) without my fellow writers. Writing is a journey that I do not want to do alone, and as I work with others I see how my stories become stronger and richer.

“Rey Dameron, what is taking you so long?”

Rey huffed in the outraged indignation that was the sole domain of twelve year old girls.

“Dad, I told you we needed a better labelling system. The Christmas junk could be anywhere.” She shouted down the manhole.

“Look harder,” was the firm reply.

She grumbled as she dug through box after box looking for the missing lights. It was horribly unfair of her father to do this to her. She hated the attic; it was musty and a bit creepy. She had also watched “Nightmare on Elm Street” at Stacey Miller’s house the weekend before and it had terrified her. She was convinced Freddy Kruger was going to come for her in a dream and then she would be dead.

_Bet Dad would be sorry he made me climb up into the crummy attic then,_ she thought. _Would serve him right._

She spied a dusty trunk in the corner, she didn’t think she would find what she was looking for there, but it couldn’t hurt to try. It also felt a little like opening a pirate’s treasure box, she thought to herself.

Just like _The Goonies_.

Rey coughed from the dust that had settled on the lid as she opened the trunk. To her disappointment, there really wasn’t anything interesting as she eyed the contents. No secret stash of gold here.

The stack of envelopes caught her eye. They were addressed to her mom, and written in flowery, romantic cursive script. The one at the top was postmarked New York City, June 21st, 1977, so eight years before.

She pulled the letter from the stack, turning it over to see who it was from, and recognised the name immediately.

Rey Dameron was only twelve, and a very curious twelve year old at that, but she knew better than to read her mother’s mail without permission. She held onto the stack as she continued to look for the Christmas lights.

Ten minutes later she was skipping down the stairs, the lights in one hand and the letters in the other. 

“Thank you peanut, was that so hard?” said her father as he plucked the lights from her hand, but not before he landed a kiss on her forehead.

“You are such a goober, Dad,” she replied, rolling her eyes in mock disdain. She didn’t really mean it, but there was no way she was letting him know that.

Her dad made his way over to the Christmas tree to begin threading the lights through the branches, while her annoying younger brother was on the sofa trying to break wind with his hand under his armpit.

“Barf,” she said, screwing her mouth in disgust.

“Bite me,” was Ben’s reply.

Remembering the letters in her hand, she went to find her mother. She found her sitting at the kitchen table, reading one of her glossy magazines.

“Mom, while I was looking for the Christmas lights, I found some old letters from Auntie Rey. Is it alright if I read them?”

Her mother looked at her quizzically for a moment. “Why do you want to?”

“Well Auntie Rey is cool, but she is old. I want to read about her when she was younger.”

Her mother laughed at the idea of old at thirty-five.

“Well sure, how about we read them together?”

“Alright,” said Rey, forgetting she was all grown up for a moment as she climbed onto her mother’s lap.

Rey pulled the first envelope from the stack, unfolding it before she began to read.

Rey Dameron looked at her mother, whose eyes were now damp with unshed tears. Her arms were gripped tightly around her daughter, and she was lost in thought.

“Wow, it was really different back then,” Rey said. “You were engaged before you married Dad? You always told me I would be grounded for life if I ran away, but you did.”

Her mother sniffed. 

“I had to run away, sweetheart. Your grandmother meant well, but she wanted me to marry a terrible, horrible man. I loved your father, and it wasn’t easy, but I know I made the right decision. If I try to make you marry an awful man like Armitage, you have my permission to run away as well.”

“Did everyone run away in the olden days? Auntie Rey and Uncle Ben did too.”

Her mother laughed. 

“No, but sometimes you have to make a hard choice, especially when your happiness depends on it. Things were harder back then, the expectations of women were different.” Her mother pushed a stray lock of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “All we were required to do was get married, have babies, and do as we were told.”

Rey looked at her mother and scoffed. “Ha! Like Dad could ever tell you what to do.”

“Lucky times have changed… well a little bit anyway,” was the reply, which was accompanied by a playful poke in her ribs.

Rey looked over the letter again.

“What you did for Auntie Rey and Uncle Ben was pretty cool,” Rey said thoughtfully. “It sounds like they owe you a lot.”

“Well, your Auntie Rey is very special to me. She was the only person I could turn to when things were difficult with your grandmother. Plus, I saw how much Auntie Rey and Uncle Ben loved each other – and how much they needed each other too. When you have something special like that, you have to hold on to it with all your might and never ever let go. But sometimes, things or people will get in your way. I didn’t want that for your Auntie and Uncle, so I did what I could to help.”

“I guess that makes you pretty cool, too. But don’t tell anyone I said that.”

Her mother laughed and hugged her tightly.

“I guess it does, sweetheart, I guess it does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you to the faithful readers that have stayed with this story, the comments have brought me so many warm fuzzy feelings, especially when everyone was trying to work out WHAT WAS UP WITH HAN. That was loads of fun, I hope you all thought so too. I loved how engaged people where with this story, it is so gratifying to create something that people connect with so much. 
> 
> My most wonderful beta and fandom wife [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife), you have been my champion in writing and in life from the very beginning, and you have been with me every step of the way with this story. You are always there to encourage me and I thank you so much.
> 
> Thank you to [Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha) who made me the most groovy moodboards and also who encouraged me at the very inception of this story to make it interesting. She is the reason that Han Solo was a dirty bootlegger.
> 
> Also a big thank you to GreyForceUser, 3todream3 and nancylovesreylo who all helped me so much with writing about the Deep South and being a Southern Baptist. They gave me some lovely ideas that I wove into the story (like the church picnic for one) and helped me to make it feel more authentic.
> 
> Thank you to [Semperfidani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semperfidani/pseuds/Semperfidani) for my first lovely moodboard, you captured the essence of this fic so well.
> 
> Last, but not least, [Spacey_Gracie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacey_gracie) as my sixties expert, thank you for all your time and for helping me to create a long ago world. I am so glad that fate brought us together and that we share so much on our historical fiction journey.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm intending to update on a weekly basis.
> 
> Comments and kudos give me creative energy, so feel free to leave one or both.


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